Tuesday, September 7, 2010
A very unoriginal metaphor
Every once in a while, for no apparent reason, the fog lifts and I take a deep breath and have ambitious thoughts like, "I should have a dinner party!" If I actually do something like send out invitations during this brief window of clarity, then it happens simply because I can't back out of it. Otherwise---the thought flutters down to join the rest of the good-intention pavers on the road to Hell, or pick your preferred metaphor. :) Then the fog descends again and I'm left with my flashlight trying to see what's next.
It's not that I'm actually depressed (thank goodness), but just, I so rarely have time to think about anything larger. Anything except WHAT'S NEXT, and getting through it (either well or badly, depending on how much energy I have).
And I'm not really trying to complain, because occasionally the next step is something enjoyable and it's fun to figure out how I'm going to balance my way over there to it; and even if it's unpleasant, each individual step is not really too terribly daunting in itself, as long as I successfully block out the anticipation of any subsequent unpleasant or difficult steps, and, you know, how they're going to go on FOREVER and all. So it's fine, but it's just . . . tiring. Sometimes I get tired of it. I'd rather just, I don't know, float or something, and quit all this clambering around, you know?