When we are hungry ourselves

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday Afternoon Session of the April 1979 Conference.

I made a goal many years ago to really try to apply every lesson in the scriptures to myself rather than to all the other people I thought could benefit from it. :) I still can't help thinking, "Oh, but if so-and-so only knew this, she wouldn't always be saying such-and-such!" sometimes—but I do think it has been good for me to see over the years that there are many bracing rallying cries (most of them?) which are really only effective when they come from within one's self. They aren't the sorts of things you can (with any degree of politeness/success) tell others to do, but they can still provide great personal comfort and/or improvement!

Because I have to be awakened to a need for improvement before I can speak to myself sternly and bracingly, however, I often have to rely on the words of a modern prophet, saying something that seems slightly overbold or severe. That was the feeling I got with this talk by Elder Marvin J. Ashton. I first thought, "Hmm, I wonder if this sounded too blunt or offended anyone." Then I thought, "I can think of lots of people who could use this advice." Then I thought, "I could really use this advice." Here it is:

It is unproductive for those who should be anxiously engaged in seeking the abundant life to nurse personal hurts. We are all God’s children. If we love Him, we will feed His sheep wherever they may be found, without regard as to our own personal plight or situation. Often we can best feed others when we are hungry ourselves or not completely comfortable in the fold that we presently occupy. Very often those who are hungry, helpless, and cold can best be rescued by those who have been through the same exposures. Marking time or stalling should not be indulged in by the weak, weary, uncertain, and unrecognized. Instead, there is a healing power as we use our energy in action, in service, and in lifting others. 

The more I read it, the more I like it (and the more sheepish I feel about all the "personal hurts" I've felt sorry for myself over, through the years). It's so straightforward, and not quite the sort of advice you expect when you're hurting: "Oh, dear, are you feeling bad? Like you don't fit in? Like you need someone to feed you spiritually? Well—Ha! GOOD! All that stuff will help you as you get over it and get on with helping someone else!"

(I also kind of like this for its departure from the conventional "You have to take care of yourself and fill your own bucket before you can take care of others!" wisdom. Of course that is true, in its own way, and in some aspects of testimony, I'm sure you do have to "put on your oxygen mask first"—but—maybe there is a different or more complex meaning to that than I have sometimes thought. And maybe "filling your own bucket" can sometimes happen simultaneously, AS you are serving others??)

Elder Ashton goes on in this same vein, neatly dismissing any impulse we might have to think that all this hunger and discomfort (our own and that of others) is unfair or shows God's neglect. He says:

Whether the works of God are manifest in healings or in the exhibition of courage and acceptance by those challenged must be left to the ultimate wisdom of Him who comprehendeth all things. 

He makes it sound so simple. You got healed? That was God's work. You just had to accept NOT being healed? That was His work too, showing you how strong you could be.

And then he ends with this (by which I wrote "Bracing! Very bracing!" in my notes, ha ha):

Yielding to the pains of tragedy and grief deters self-development and takes away the opportunity for triumph over trying obstacles. …Letting fears inhibit progress is but another evidence of one’s unwillingness to try because of the fear of failure. …It is a happy day when we come to know that with God’s help nothing is impossible for us.

So, I'm going to add this talk to my personal list of things to rouse myself with (along with imagined conversations with pioneer ancestors, and President Hinckley's "Forget yourself and go to work!") when I'm being whiny and feeling self-pitying. "It is unproductive for those who should be anxiously engaged in seeking the abundant life to nurse personal hurts…Often we can best feed others when we are hungry ourselves."