To lay down your life, even an hour at a time

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday Afternoon Session of the October 1996 Conference.
There were lots of good talks in this session! One by Elder Cook, who had just been called to be a Seventy. It was interesting to realize that even though I felt like I'd never heard of him before his call to the Twelve, here he was serving and sacrificing, all these years before I even noticed him or knew he existed. There are so many people doing that—all over the world. Not just future apostles, obviously, but faithful men and women I never WILL hear of. Interesting to think about.

President Nelson also gave a great talk on the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and Elder Bruce C. Hafen talked about Covenant Marriage. He mentioned something that I think became a theme of his—he wrote a whole book about it later with his wife—which is this:
Christ’s life is the story of giving the Atonement. The life of Adam and Eve is the story of receiving the Atonement, which empowered them to overcome their separation from God and all opposition until they were eternally “at one,” with the Lord, and with each other.
I love that idea as it relates to the temple—it has helped me see Jesus Christ in the temple ceremonies much more clearly.

Elder Hafen also used the image of "laying down our lives, a day at a time, for the sheep of our covenant" which really resonated with me. He tells a cute story about his wife helping one of their children (the child about whom she'd earlier said, “The Lord gave us that child to make Christians out of us"—haha—such a relatable sentiment!):

One night Marie exhausted herself for hours encouraging that child to finish a school assignment to build his own diorama of a Native American village on a cookie sheet. It was a test no hireling would have endured. At first he fought her efforts, but by bedtime, I saw him lay “his” diorama proudly on a counter. He started for his bed, then turned around, raced back across the room, and hugged his mother, grinning with his fourth-grade teeth. Later I asked Marie in complete awe, “How did you do it?” She said, “I just made up my mind that I couldn’t leave him, no matter what.” Then she added, “I didn’t know I had it in me.” She discovered deep, internal wellsprings of compassion because the bonds of her covenants gave her strength to lay down her life for her sheep, even an hour at a time.

Of course we know that a good shepherd will "lay down his life for his sheep." But laying down your life "one hour at a time" is such a big commitment—or rather, it requires such constant commitment. It does take great strength! You have to choose to give and love and sacrifice again and again! It's such an apt description of a parent's attempt to love his or her children as the Savior would love them. 

It's both daunting and reassuring to know that these constant, hour-to-hour efforts are the only way to truly lead our children into the fold of God. And I, too, have said to myself after a particularly long hard stretch of "laying down" my own pride or expectations or inclinations—"I didn't know I had it in me." (That's usually after I've first said, "I DON'T have it in me"—but then I've just kept trying because…that's what parents do.)

Elder Eyring continued on that same theme when he told about some Home Teachers who kept up their efforts for years upon years. Elder Eyring met the recipient of their attention on a plane:
He told, with a touch of exasperation, of another night when he came home from a long business trip, put his car in the garage, and then came out to find his home teachers standing there, smiling. He said to me something like, “And there they were, right in my face, with another plate of cookies.”
That made me laugh, because it's exactly what I'm afraid of—being an annoyance to the people I'm trying to serve. But as a parent or a friend, I have to remember why I keep trying even when I feel awkward or annoying or unwanted. It's because of my covenant relationship with Christ—my love for Him, and His for me. I feel that more and more.

Elder Eyring goes on:

Such work is an opportunity, not a burden. Every member has made the covenant in the waters of baptism to be a witness for God. Every member has made a covenant to do works of kindness as the Savior would do. So any call to bear witness and to care for others is not a request for extra service; it is a blessing designed by a loving Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ.
It's such a good perspective—and a true one. Last week I had a few days in a row where I was constantly busy doing things other people needed. That's not unusual in a big family, of course, but this stretch was particularly noticeable because I had a bunch of other things I really wanted to get done—also for other people, but things that had been nagging at me for some time and I'd really been wanting to check off my list, and I couldn't do them because of the constant stream of more urgent needs. I felt so frustrated, because I'd been so busy but not accomplished anything I wanted to! 

Anyway, at the end of one of these days I had a prompting to write down everything I'd done that day. It was a huge list, and it struck me that every item on it was something I'd done to serve someone else. And my perspective suddenly shifted as I thought how grateful I was to have such endless opportunities to serve. I really felt it—not that I became instantly unselfish, but I just reflected on the fact that I really do want to be a better person. And what better way to become one than to serve God's children? 

I thought, "What ELSE could I have been doing that would have brought such fulfillment? What other kind of life would I even want?" It made me feel so thankful for motherhood and the built-in service that comes with it. It really does require giving your life hour by hour…sometimes all of the hours…but it brings such deepened love and growth in return. In that moment of reflection, like Elder Eyring said, the work felt like "an opportunity, not a burden…a blessing designed by a loving Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ."

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Not Spring Yet

Ziggy came inside the other day and said, "Would you be instrested in seeing a bird's nest that fell out of a tree?" Why yes. Yes I would. And now you can see it too!

We've had some nice days and some snowy days this March. This is the time of year when I almost defiantly refuse to wear a coat, thinking somehow that will make it Spring sooner…but instead it just means I'm freezing all the time (until the car warms up)(aren't we glad we have cars with heat in them?).

But we are not supposed to have cars with BABIES in them! At least, not like this! Don't worry, she was just waiting for her seat to be gotten out of the other car.

Here is something sad. Our garage got broken into a few weeks ago. The thieves took my purse, which is of course terrible, and I had to cancel all my cards and get a new driver's license and on and on…but it could have been worse. But the WORST thing is that they took Sebastian's bike. His new bike that he saved and saved and worked for two years for…his most precious possession…it makes me sick all over again every time I think about it. UGH. How could someone do such a thing?

And, if that wasn't bad enough, Junie had put her little purse inside my purse…so the thieves got away with all her money too. We ended up finding my purse thrown in the bushes a couple houses away, and her coin purse too—both empty of course. Later that morning she found that Teddy had filled her purse with all of HIS money and this little note. Sweetest little brother! It was a bright spot in that hard day.

All right. Well, onto better topics. Like this baby Yoda!

She is pushing up and scooting and even crawling now, and has reached the stage where she rolls over and starts crawling away every time you try to change her diaper. Little monkey.

She and Daisy have matching pajamas, making her look like she's some sort of growth coming out of Daisy's shoulder. A cute growth, mind you.
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The Spirit of Prophecy

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday Morning Session of the October 1996 Conference.
I've been thinking about prophecy this week because of learning about Joseph's dreams (and interpretations of dreams) in Come Follow Me. It's intriguing to me that Joseph, at 17 years old, had access to such specific prophecy about his future life—although I don't know how deeply he understood it. I suppose there might be people who have similar prophecies in their patriarchal blessings. But it made wonder if we, as normal members of the church not ordained to special prophetic callings, ever have "the spirit of prophecy" ourselves? My own experiences have dealt more with fleeting glimpses than prophecies, but occasionally in a personal conversation I will hear of a prophetic dream or an impression of a specific outcome—so I think it is possible. I even had my bishop say something to me recently that had the ring of prophecy to it…at least I'm claiming it as such.

I guess I'm not sure, either, if there's a difference between a prophecy and a promise. I hear a lot of prophetic promises during Conference and I cling to them!

These thoughts led me to notice what Elder L. Aldin Porter said about prophecy:
Some years ago I enjoyed a stake conference assignment as a junior companion to Elder LeGrand Richards, who had, under the influence of this directing Spirit, reorganized a stake presidency. We were driving home; he was very pensive. After a rather long period of silence, I asked him if there was something he would like to teach me. Quietly he said, “We have too many in the Church who deny the spirit of prophecy and of revelation.” That was it—he said no more about it. As I reminisced about the calling of the new stake president that day, it occurred to me then that this Church could not function for even one day without the spirit of prophecy and revelation.

But ours is a day of dwindling faith and increasing skepticism about sacred things. Our time reminds me of the period just prior to the coming of the resurrected Savior to this continent. They were very dark days.

Mormon recorded the roots of the problems that beset Nephite society when he said, “And it was because of the pride of their hearts, because of their exceeding riches, yea, it was because of their oppression to the poor, withholding their food from the hungry, withholding their clothing from the naked, and smiting their humble brethren upon the cheek, making a mock of that which was sacred, denying the spirit of prophecy and of revelation.”

Later Mormon continues: “And because of their iniquity the church had begun to dwindle; and they began to disbelieve in the spirit of prophecy and in the spirit of revelation; and the judgments of God did stare them in the face.”

We boldly assert that the spirit of revelation rests upon the Lord’s living prophets, seers, and revelators.
I have no doubt that the First Presidency and the Twelve Apostles have the spirit of prophecy for our church, and maybe that's all that matters. But I do think Mormon's sweeping statements are interesting , that "disbelief in the spirit of prophecy" was an indication of wickedness. It seems like disbelieving prophecy and disbelieving in the spirit of prophecy might be different things. The latter seems to mean we don't believe in even the possibility that we might be guided about future events; that we don't even think the Spirit can reveal future truths to us. And that seems obviously tied to a lack of faith and hope as well.

As I prepare for the upcoming April 2022 Conference, I want to have faith in "the spirit of prophecy"—not just that the prophets can prophesy about future events, but that they can see what I need and where I should be going. And I'm going to pay attention to glimpses that might be called prophecy in my own personal revelations from the Holy Ghost.
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February A.A.L.

After all the February birthday festivities, we still had Valentines Day to look forward to, which was nice. Everyone made cute valentines for each other, but the only ones worth preserving here are the darling watercolors Sam painted for everyone. The bunny for me, of course, and the drum-playing monster for Seb, and the Gandowlf for Malachi. Doggy for Zig, Caw for Gussie, Penguin for Daisy, Green Bunny for Teddy, Elephant for Goldie, Piggy for Junie. So good!!
Sebastian and his group of friends have the sweetest tradition where they buy a flower for every single girl at their high school on Valentines Day. They get donations to help pay for the flowers (over a thousand of them!) and spend all day the day before stripping off the thorns and putting the flowers in little tubes. It really does restore your faith in mankind a little. The boys get all dressed up in their suits to hand out the flowers out at school. Then, usually they have leftover flowers, so they go out to Target or the mall and hand out the extras to moms or girls there. I saw some posts on instagram from people who'd been on the receiving end of that. Cute!!
Aside from Abe's departure, the rest of the month was a pretty normal February. Zig wore a bunch of weird stuff.
Here he is playing his "trombone." Other than being backwards, it's a pretty good one! I think this is also part of his "Darth Vadar" phase (hence the cloak).
Gussie copied the cloak and marched around singing the Imperial March at the top of his lungs. The little boys haven't even SEEN Star Wars. Does that stop them? No.
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February B.A.L. (Before Abe Leaving)

  Well! Here we all, are having survived February. I shouldn't criticize February too much, since it holds three of our birthdays! But the fact remains that I am always quite happy to see the end of it because we're that much closer to Spring!

The biggest thing that happened in February was Abe leaving for his mission to Texas! I told everyone that we were taking a family picture the day before he started Home Missionary Training Center and everyone should stay in their church clothes after church. Sam set the tripod up on the hill and…[certain details edited out] voila. I only had to switch two heads out in photoshop. (Abe must have an extremely sensitive eye-closing reflex.)
The pictures turned out pretty well, considering! It didn't seem worth making Gus take off his bunny hat. It's surprising Ziggy didn't have a hat on too, honestly.
That last week, we went to Nielsen's one more time so Abe could cook for us on his last day of work. It's sad we won't have someone there to make us perfect fries and sandwiches anymore! No one else could ever do it quite like Abe.
I also took a "before" picture of Abe before his missionary haircut. He got it cut at a real barber instead of me doing it inexpertly for him with the clippers. He said it was the best haircut he'd ever had. Hey…!
I admit he did look quite handsome.
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To enlarge and carry the sound

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Young Women's Session of the April 1996 Conference.
This session was all on the theme of following the prophets, and it was getting me excited for the General Conference coming in April! Sister Jeanette Beckham highlighted a different meaning for the word "sustain" that I really liked:

I’ll suggest another way to think of the word sustain. When you play a violin, if it is in tune you can move the bow across one string and the other strings vibrate. The harmonious strings not only help sustain the sound, but they enlarge and carry the sound.

As each of us listens to the prophet and responds to his message, if we are in tune we can carry his message with us. Others will feel the prophet’s message because of the way we act. In this way the message doesn’t end tonight—it just begins. Isn’t that exciting to think about? We can make his message be a force for good in our own lives, but also in our homes, in our neighborhoods, and at school.

I love that idea of taking a message from Conference, one that resonates within me, and then carrying it and enlarging it further in my own life as time goes on. I think that's happening even now as I'm reading these old talks.

I also liked this analogy from Sister Virginia A. Pearce. She told about how her sons had some help from a golf pro who helped give them pointers on and confidence in their swings. Then she said:
As the boys went on through the room and out the other door to do a little more practicing in the backyard, I felt a twinge of envy.

Wouldn’t it be nice if there were someone whom I trusted that much—an expert who could take a look at my life and say: “Basically, you’re doing great. But if you would just do this one little thing, it would make a big difference”?

Some of you have been to those late-night parties with girlfriends where they all decide to tell what’s wrong with you! Not something I would recommend. That kind of an experience just leaves everyone feeling bad. No, I want my information from a real expert.

All at once, the light turned on! General Conference! No wonder I look forward to those meetings and messages! Here are my experts: the prophets who reassure me that basically my swing is good and then give instructions about what I should do or should stop doing that will make a big difference. Not only are these men experienced, but their instructions come directly from Heavenly Father to me by way of the Holy Ghost—personalized to my exact, immediate, and individual needs. Who could be trusted more than this combination: the Lord, his mouthpiece, and the Holy Ghost?

It's really nice to think about Conference that way. I tend to be so (probably TOO) wary of parenting advice or marriage advice I run into online or even in books or from other people. It's not that I don't think there are good ideas out there, I just don't know which ones to trust and it's too stressful to try and figure it all out! So I love the idea of getting information from "real experts" and having the reassurance that it's trustworthy. I love thinking of Conference as a time to get personalized instruction from "the Lord, his mouthpiece, and the Holy Ghost."

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Their powers would lie dormant

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday Afternoon Session of the April 1996 Conference.
Sam was talking to his students this week about a quote he heard from a film director: “Through conflict comes understanding.” They discussed all the ways this applies to stories, and it was interesting to ponder in which ways it might apply to real life as well. I thought about it again when I read this quote, from Elder W. Mack Lawrence's talk (and he's quoting George Q. Cannon):
Unless [individuals] were exposed to temptation they never could know themselves, their own powers, their own weaknesses nor the power of God.…All their powers would lie dormant, for there would be nothing to arouse them. They would be destitute of that experience which prepares men to become like God, their Eternal Father.
It also makes me think about the Come Follow Me chapters for last week and Jacob's mysterious "wrestle" with the angel the night before he met Esau. We know that contention is not of God. But what about wrestling? It seems that something about the conflict, the struggle or the wrestle—to believe? to love? to understand?—is important. 

I've never liked conflict. Honestly, I'd rather let most uncomfortable topics fade away, unsaid. That method has served me…pretty well, in most relationships. But I'm also learning that it occasionally robs me of the chance to deepen a relationship or broaden an understanding. I've glimpsed (though I still don't completely understand it) that in certain relationships, being willing to stay and struggle and hang on—even when it would be easier to pull away—is its own kind of love.

I know temptation and conflict aren't necessarily the same thing. And there's obviously lots of good in being a peacemaker, turning the other cheek, etc. But this just makes me wonder about what "dormant" powers we might be able to activate through a struggle. Look where it got Jacob!
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Because he offered it when his soul was tried

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday Morning Session of the April 1996 Conference.
Oh, President Eyring. Why do his talks speak to me so deeply right now? I wonder if when he wrote this talk, he was in the same stage of life I am now? Or he had similar children to mine? Or a similar way of looking at the world? Whatever it is, it seems like he is always asking the same questions I'm asking. But then he knows answers I don't know!

In this talk, "A Legacy of Testimony," the topic is one of Elder Eyring's common themes, the need to pass testimony on to our loved ones. He says, 
In our thoughtful moments we know that we will need help. We will need to invite the powers of heaven to guide our families in days when we are not there and to face spiritual dangers we may not foresee…We would, if we could, leave our families a legacy of testimony that it might reach through the generations. 
Then he spends the rest of his talk discussing how we might do this. One important thing he mentions is just teaching truth and then bearing testimony of it—not formally, but in small everyday ways. I liked this, about Elder Eyring's great-grandpa:
We know something of his life because after that time he kept a journal, making a short entry nearly every day.…His short entries don’t have much preaching in them. He doesn’t testify that he knew Brigham Young was a prophet. He just records having answered “yes” every time the prophet called him on a mission…The few entries which record his testimony seem to appear when death took a child. His testimony is to me more powerful because he offered it when his soul was tried.
Here is one of those touching journal entries, the day after a daughter had died:
“Wednesday. Repairing up the stable my little children pratling around me but I miss my dear Lizzy. I pray the Lord to help me to indure faithfull to his cause to the end of my days, that I may be worthy to receive my children back into the family circle, who have fallen asleep in Christ in the days of their innocence Ann, Moroni, Esther Ellen & Elizabeth, blessed & happy are they because of the atonement of Jesus Christ.”
Then Elder Eyring says:
All the elements are there. He taught the truth. He testified that it was true. He lived consistent with his testimony, and prayed that he might endure faithful until he could be united with his dear family. I feel his love and a desire to be included in that circle.
It seems so simple when he lays it out like that. Like I don't have to do something special to bear testimony to my children, but just speak and observe and comment on the truths I am already thinking about in our lives. I can just react to and engage with faith in the joys and troubles that come inevitably into our days. Even the little things I write could be meaningful to my children someday!

This next part makes me feel like I have a lot more to learn about prayer. Elder Eyring says,
Kneel together in humble prayer as a family, each having the opportunity to be voice. There may be times when the prayer seems rote and when those not praying let their minds wander. But there will be other priceless moments when someone will petition in faith for real needs and the Holy Ghost will touch hearts with testimony. I don’t remember as much of my mother’s teaching as I do her prayers for us. I could feel her love, and the Spirit confirmed in my heart that she loved Heavenly Father and the Savior and that her prayers would be answered. She brought blessings down on our heads then, and the memory of her prayers still does.
I've heard him tell this about his mother before. I'm not sure how she had such powerful prayers! I think I'm learning to pray with more sincerity and power in my personal prayers. When I'm alone and have a good long time to commune with God, I do start to feel how miraculous prayer can be. But in a group setting—especially a family setting, honestly, where I feel like everyone just wants the prayer to be over with—I haven't learned how to access that same feeling of power. I haven't learned how to find that same sincerity. It's not that I'm NOT sincere in group prayers…I just have a hard time saying what I feel. Or it seems too personal, or like not the time for it. Well! That gives me something to work on, I suppose. Pray like Sister Eyring did for her family!
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