The Support Group for Recovering Scrooges


If you have known Sam or me since we became Sam-and-Marilyn (or Marilyn-and-Sam, if you prefer), you probably know that if there's one thing we like, it's having a project to work on together. So we were happy that this year brought our turn to plan the family "adults-only" party! (Has it been 10 years already since the Breakfast Symposium, which may have been our Finest Hour?! Well...not quite, but what with one thing and another, our turn came early.)

The Theme we eventually hit upon was to have it be a meeting of the Support Group for Recovering Scrooges ("Transformation doesn't happen overnight!")—because who doesn't occasionally struggle with relapse into Scrooginess at this time of year? We wanted to talk about how to "keep Christmas all the year round;" how to be like Scrooge was after his change of heart; how to maintain that "Christmas-morning-level" hopefulness and joy, even when we're tempted to be grumpy and miserly.

We planned the party for the week after Christmas, which is a departure from tradition, but fit nicely with the theme—and made everything a lot less hectic, too. And we planned a "Christmas Morning Breakfast" for our meal (a natural choice because we have always liked breakfast—as our last party will demonstrate!).

With the theme settled, Sam and I could get to the part we like best, which is fleshing it all out. We KNOW all these little touches aren't necessary, but we like thinking of them so much! In some ways, we don't even care so much how the party itself turns out—we just like getting ready for it! The first step was sending out letters, of course. We assigned some topics for people to talk about. Luckily the Nielson family has a sense of humor (and tolerated things like us assigning the speech on "Decreasing the Surplus Population" to Susan and Dave, who have ten children). 
The graphic design and logo design was all done by Sam, of course. It added just the right touch.
There are 20 of us that attend this party, so it definitely fills up the house, but we managed to find enough seating. Abe was a great help cleaning and getting ready, as he always is. We even had to move the piano! I post these pictures to remember how clean it all was. Ah, those were the days!
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The best day of the year

It amazes me that one minute you can be a newly-married couple, trying out traditions almost randomly and feeling sort of like someone's going to stop you any minute and tell you aren't authorized to make those sorts of weighty decisions, and dragging your little babies and kids along with you because they're pleased with everything and don't know any better—

—and the next minute you are going into the Christmas Season with all the weight of years and authority behind you, and eight little people convinced that THUS IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN and THUS IT SHALL ALWAYS BE.

I mean, how could we know we would create a whole world—culture, holidays, traditions, language—along with our family? And half the time we didn't even know we were doing it! And yet—now here we are.
The Butterscotch Roll Party started innocently enough. I liked making Nana's butterscotch rolls and delivering them to friends on Christmas Eve. But we were always frantically trying to plate them and deliver them fast enough, and then feeling bad when people weren't home and we had to leave the rolls on a cold doorstep, and lamenting to each other how they really tasted best warm and it was a shame people wouldn't taste them at their peak. And so it came to us that we could make our friends come to us instead.

Thirteen or fourteen years later—I don't recall exactly—and we can't imagine doing it any other way. I made 24 dozen rolls this year (good heavens, I just did the math and that is 288 rolls!) and enjoyed every minute of it. Oh, don't get me wrong, our Christmas Eves are not perfect days, any more than any of our days are. This year before everyone came over, I was in tears over an argument with a child who shall remain nameless—there was mess and noise and chaos as there always is—but there is just something about the day that wraps me up and makes me feel blessed and grateful and good. I've had one terrible Christmas Eve in my life. One of my very lowest points. But even then, the Savior was there. And I suppose every Christmas Eve since then reminds me of mercy and repentance and second chances—and I can't NOT rejoice in the goodness of God.
So, I wake up at 5 a.m. and I bake rolls all morning and I love it—I absolutely love it. People come and eat joyfully—I love to see people eating joyfully—and the house is warm and full of good smells and noise and laughter and children and food. And when it's all over I lie down and have the best nap of my life.

The girls have been getting up early to help me the past few years (this year they had begged me to put their hair in curlers again after they'd had them on Sunday, so they were cute and curly when they appeared in the kitchen) and Abe is always a tireless worker getting the house clean (and, which may be harder, getting OTHER people to clean too). Sam makes wassail and cuts up apples and cheese. We are like a well-oiled machine.
Someone made one of my bowls of dough into an elephant!
Here are some rolls ready to eat as the party begins! The platters never look this nice again—but no one minds. :)
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The longest, darkest night is past

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday Morning Session of the April 1982 Conference.
After the winter solstice, my friend wrote on Instagram, "The longest, darkest night is past." That phrase has been running through my head these last few days, and I want to hold onto it. I keep thinking about the motions of earth and heaven, the way that sunlight and summer are decreed and set in motion long before we actually feel their effects. There is something so comforting in the fact that the days, while they seem so short and weak, are marching, undeterred, toward brilliance and light! The process has already begun—events have already been set in motion—and now, all we have to do is keep going!

The other day I happened to be waiting in the temple chapel completely alone for a good amount of time. There is a large portrait of Jesus Christ at the front of the room, and as I looked at it, I whispered to myself the words of "The Living Christ," which I have just finished memorizing.

(It took a great deal of prodding to get me to this point. I feel like I've spent a good part of my life refusing to memorize "The Living Christ"—first I was called to be Young Women's president a month or so before the stake young women had been challenged to finish memorizing it, and there was no way I was going to deal with all the responsibilities of this scary new calling and learn "The Living Christ" TOO! Then a couple years later, our stake president asked all the youth and their families to memorize it, and we didn't have any "youth" in our home yet, so we didn't do that either. When we got asked again to study it, by President Nelson in April 2017, I thought, "Fine! We'll do it." But even then, we didn't start till 2018, and we've been working on it most of the year. It seemed like we'd never finish!)

Anyway, as I sat there in the silence, looking at that picture and thinking of what Christ has done—who He is—and what He means—I felt such great gratitude for every effort I have made to get to know Him. Oh, I haven't done anything that impressive. I've reluctantly and belatedly taken that Living Christ challenge (not sure I could do it; not sure it would pay off), and in spite of my hesitancy I have grown to love and cherish every bit of it. My favorite part is the section that quotes the Prophet Joseph Smith's words, describing Jesus Christ:
“His eyes were as a flame of fire; the hair of his head was white like the pure snow; his countenance shone above the brightness of the sun; and his voice was as the sound of the rushing of great waters, even the voice of Jehovah, saying: 
“I am the first and the last; I am he who liveth, I am he who was slain; I am your advocate with the Father.”
Of Him the Prophet also declared: “And now, after the many testimonies which have been given of him, this is the testimony, last of all, which we give of him: That he lives! 
“For we saw him, even on the right hand of God; and we heard the voice bearing record that he is the Only Begotten of the Father— 
“That by him, and through him, and of him, the worlds are and were created, and the inhabitants thereof are begotten sons and daughters unto God.”
Other than that, I have accepted President Nelson's invitation to read the Book of Mormon through before this year ends, and I have found Jesus Christ in practically every line and every page of that book. I'm about halfway through reading the Topical Guide entries about Christ. And I've been trying to improve my relationship with Him through prayer for many years now. But I still don't feel like any sort of authority on what He is really like. Yet—I am gradually assembling scraps of surety about Him—my own interactions with Him, or secondhand testimony that goes down into my bones and becomes my own, like that of Joseph Smith's above. Yes, I am becoming more acquainted with Jesus Christ. Slowly.

But—sometimes I get impatient. I want to know Him better NOW. I do treasure the glimpses I have—but I wish they were more than glimpses. I wish I didn't have to so often stretch and wonder and guess at what I am meant to learn!

But as I sat looking at Jesus Christ's portrait, thinking back on this past year of growth, and full of these words I have been "treasuring up"—the beautiful testimony of the Twelve Apostles, the powerful testimonies of the Book of Mormon prophets, Christ's own words to the Nephites and to us all—I was overwhelmed by the feeling that every hour, every minute I spend seeking to know Him better is worth any cost, any frustration, any difficulty. And each of those moments of effort will, without fail, take me further along the path back to Him—whether I can detect that motion or not.

President Hinckley bore his testimony of Christ way back when I was two years old. He spoke in words that have recently become familiar to me, words in which I recognize his voice in from "The Living Christ" as well. And the message hasn't changed:
The keystone of [our] doctrine is that God is our Eternal Father and Jesus is the Christ, our living Redeemer. We are sons and daughters of God. He loves us and invites us to love him.
This post will publish on Christmas Day, and it seems right to share my testimony of Jesus Christ on the day we celebrate His birth. But, "after the many testimonies which have been given of Him," mine seems so inadequate. Joseph Smith could follow up his testimony, "that He lives," with: "for we saw Him!" I can't say that, and what I can say seems small next to it. But though small, it is my own, hard-won, and still-growing: I know Christ lives, and I know He loves me. And I know that every tiny step toward Him is a step toward light and joy.

In the temple, as I sat and wished I could somehow reach deeper into heaven, these words from Daniel entered my heart like God was speaking them straight to me:
Fear not…for from the first day that thou didst set thine heart to understand…thy words were heard, and I am come for thy words.
I know it's true. It was all set in motion long ago—before this life, before I can even remember. It started with our Father and His plan for us; it started when I chose as a spirit to follow Christ and when I shouted for joy at His goodness. The times and seasons of God's great love are already turning toward the springtime and the dawn, even while the night still seems darkest to me.

And, though my own progress is slow, Christ comes so quickly every time I reach for Him! So quickly that, in the very moment that I finally overcome my fears or laziness or pride, and ASK—I see that He had already started coming—indeed—He is already here.

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Groups of people that all match each other

Christmas dresses (their dolls match too!) and curly ringlets. The girls love it when I put their hair in sponge curlers. It makes them (the girls, I mean) even bouncier than usual.
Pre- Choir Concert
Choir concert
Here are those of us who ended up in green on Christmas Sunday (that's a thing, right?). I had a holly crown for my Ghost-of-Christmas-Present costume, and the girls talked me into wearing it to church. Sparkly! So were the girls' dresses. Our pew at church looked very…glittery…after we left it.
Malachi agreed to be in the picture, but only on the condition that he could wear the sunglasses (for anonymity). I love my cute little stripy elves!
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While they are yet a great way off

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Priesthood Session of the April 1982 Conference.
A couple of related thoughts I found in different conference talks in the April 1982 Priesthood Session. From Elder Victor L. Brown:
It is so easy to love those who are active and responsive and sometimes so difficult to do the same for those who are inactive and rebellious.…
[But] to be successful as a teacher of youth, one must truly love each of them regardless of his activity. Without sincere love, one can hardly qualify as a leader…
And then from Elder Maxwell:
Remember the Lord’s hand is in this work. He can bring about those circumstances in which such souls are “in a preparation to hear the word.” His Spirit can prod the prodigals—some of whom will come to their senses. And as that happens, however, let us run to greet them while they are “yet a great way off.”
This feels to me like a principle that I need to better apply as a parent. I've been thinking about these questions:

How can I find ways to love my children even in the moments they are most difficult to love?

Knowing they have to make their own choices and they do not always choose well—how can I still "run to them" while they are "yet a great way off"?


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Lucias everywhere!

I had so many helpers making the Santa Lucia buns this year! Good helpers, too.
Ziggy toddled around commenting on things, as he does.
Silliness. Daisy seems disturbed by it.
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Three encouraging things

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday Afternoon  Session of the April 1982 Conference.
As someone especially aware of "the commonplace struggles of life" lately, I appreciated this from President Howard W. Hunter:
To do one’s best in the face of the commonplace struggles of life, and possibly in the face of failures, and to continue to endure and persevere with the ongoing difficulties of life--when those struggles and tasks contribute to the progress and happiness of others and the eternal salvation of one’s self--this is true greatness.
There were also a couple other things that I found encouraging. I liked Elder Gene R. Cook's reminder that God IS specifically and individually involved in our lives:
Satan teaches the world there is no God. But to the Saints he simply says, “There is a God, but he is only generally involved in your life. He would not specifically help you today.”
And I really liked Elder Ronald E. Poelman's talk about on how God never gives up on us. I have a personal testimony of the fact that God DOES still speak to us and comfort us "when we deserve it the least," because I've felt it:
Knowing we have offended our Father in Heaven, we are afraid to ask his help, feeling that we don’t deserve it. Paradoxically, when we are most in need of the Lord’s influence we deserve it least. Nevertheless, in such circumstances he says to us, as Jesus said to the trembling Peter, “Fear not.”… 
By disobeying the laws of God and breaking his commandments, we do offend him, we do estrange ourselves from him, and we don’t deserve his help and inspiration and strength. But God’s love for us transcends our transgressions.

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Some last Fall days

Another warm day in the canyon with the girls and Teddy. The children found a little tree "fort" and played Family, and I played with them. So fun.
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Honesty and Wisdom

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday Morning Session of the April 1982 Conference.
Three of the talks in this session were really hard-hitting ones about honesty and deceit. It made me wonder what was going on in the church at that time to cause this emphasis to be needed! A couple of the talks specifically mentioned "get-rich quick schemes" and people being gullible because they wanted something for nothing, so I wondered if there was some scam making the rounds in Utah in the early 80's? But the other thing that struck me was how relevant these subjects still seemed right now.

Elder Marvin J. Ashton's talk, "This is No Harm," was probably my favorite of the three. I thought it was interesting that he spent equal time condemning those who lie, and warning people not to become victims of lies that others tell! He said,
In today’s world, where deceitfulness is so widely practiced in advertising, promoting, and marketing, a worthy prayer could well be, "Help me, O Lord, to be free not only of personal deceit, but grant me also the wisdom to avoid those who would damage me or mine through devious means."
He went on to say that one way to avoid being tricked by others is to avoid selfishness and greed, because "greed can make a person both dishonest and gullible."

I also liked this advice:
A wise person will not allow himself to be victimized by the unscrupulous because of false pride. Oftentimes people are swindled because false pride prevents them from asking questions and seeking additional information. For fear of embarrassment or being thought ignorant, a prospect ofttimes nods his head in the affirmative when he really doesn’t understand the glib salesman’s line of chatter. “What does that mean?” “What are the risks?” “What are the pitfalls?” “What is the history of the company?” “What references do you have?” are questions worthy of pursuit.
But here is the part that most struck me as relevant for today:
We are living in a day and time when the “gentle lie,” the “soft lie,” the “convenient lie,” the “misleading lie,” the “once-in-a-lifetime deal,” the “opportunity for a few selected friends” are being vigorously advocated and promoted. Designing promoters of questionable schemes have and will continue to prey on the gullible… 
It should be the goal of every Latter-day Saint to become the kind of person of whom it can be said, “His word is his bond.” In all of our words and deeds we should ask ourselves, “Is it right? Is it true?” not “Is it expedient, satisfactory, convenient, or profitable?” Just, “Is it right?” The wise will consider, “What is right?”; the greedy, “What will it pay?”
The extent to which dishonesty has become "institutionalized" or expected in our world is a frequent topic of discussion over at the Jr. Ganymede blog. And I don't think Elder Ashton's words here ignore the fact that it might be difficult, even counter-cultural, to live the kind of life where we refuse to even suggest a lie. He says:
If a lie is any communication given to another with the intent to deceive, we will all do well to seek God’s constant help in understanding and finding the truth. People of integrity will neither foster, nourish, embrace, nor share the lie. People of wisdom will not let greed, fear, or the desire for quick riches lead them into the snares of the dishonest and unscrupulous who prey on the gullible in order to maneuver from them valuable possessions.
I'm glad I don't have to think about getting promoted or impressing a boss or anything like that. :) But I know so many good men who DO have those concerns, who still manage to do their work with honesty and integrity. It makes me happy to think of these good men out in the world combatting the idea that "everyone" lies a little, and "this is no harm."

And in my home, I want to do my best to reinforce these principles too. The lies my kids tell are still mostly obvious and funny. But I want them to absorb the ideal of honesty deep down, and make it part of themselves, so that they'll be able to go out and be lights in the world someday as well.

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