Easter Week

I love Holy Week! We started it off a day early on "Lazarus Saturday" this year. I've wanted to try making these "Lazarekia" rolls for a while now. They're like little men wrapped in grave clothes. So cute. And look how well we made them; just like the picture😄

Hahaha! As my friend so accurately pointed out, it is not very often you find a recipe that can be used for both Halloween and Easter.

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Living day-to-day as a disciple

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday Afternoon Session of the April 2013 Conference.

This week I have been thinking and praying about something that troubles me from time to time. It's not that I think my current stage of motherhood is unimportant; I know what I do for my family is important, and I believe in it. But sometimes I just feel so aware of how many trivial and mundane things take up my attention. I start to worry that I’m just being pulled along from deadline to deadline, from task to task, never really feeling free of the mild stress of those things that have to be done, and never really rising to any higher purpose or seeing any higher vision. I worry that "the world is too much with me" and I'm going to somehow miss what God really wants me to be doing.

So I was grateful to read several conference talks which seemed to speak to those thoughts. For example, from Elder Christofferson:

The greatest service we can provide to others in this life, beginning with those of our own family, is to bring them to Christ through faith and repentance so they may experience His Redemption...Much of our redemptive work on earth is to help others grow and achieve their just hopes and aspirations.

And this from Elder Bruce D. Porter:

Trials may come, and we may not understand everything that happens to us or around us. But if we humbly, quietly trust in the Lord, He will give us strength and guidance in every challenge we face. When our only desire is to please Him, we will be blessed with a deep inner peace.

And this from Elder Erich W. Kopischke:

Too often we think that the word sacrifice refers to something big or hard for us to do. In certain situations this may be true, but mostly it refers to living day-to-day as a true disciple of Christ.

And 

Other ways to observe our covenants by sacrifice are as simple as accepting a calling in the Church and faithfully serving in that calling or following the invitation of our prophet, Thomas S. Monson, to reach out to those who are standing at the wayside and need to be spiritually rescued. We observe our covenants by sacrifice by giving silent service in our neighborhood or community or by finding the names of our ancestors and doing temple work for them. We observe our covenants by sacrifice by simply striving for righteousness, being open, and listening to the promptings of the Spirit as we live our daily lives. Sometimes observing our covenants means nothing more than standing firmly and faithfully when the storms of life are raging all around us.

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Crowns ex nihilo, blossoms, temple open house

Clementine keeps getting bigger whether we like it or not. Right now she's in a cutting and making phase. She makes the funniest, clumsiest, little creations because she has no idea what she's doing. The other idea she came out with little crowns for her and Milky (the bunny) to wear, and it was if she had conceived the idea of a crown ex nihilo. No thought of the usual long strip with points. Just a totally haphazard mixture of shapes she must have somehow envisioned in her head, taped together however she could manage it. And she was so proud. I almost started crying just looking at her proud little face. 

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Synchronized Skating, International Gardens, Overnighter

Through a series of events I realize now are too boring to recount, we got some free tickets to the U.S. Synchronized Skating Championships at the Maverik Center. Did you know there was such a thing? We did not. I'd never even heard of the sport. But we do, of course, love to watch figure skating and thought it would be fun to see what synchronized skating was!

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Jesus is the Way

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week we're taking a break from past conferences to talk about the General Conference that took place last weekend, 4-5 April 2026.

It's always nice to have an Easter Conference. It led to a lot of talks with Easter themes, but I haven't even really had time to think about other themes there might have been. I did lose track of the number of times someone quoted President Oaks saying "Jesus is the way," so maybe that was another common thread! At any rate, here are some miscellaneous thoughts (taken from my very poor notes) about some of the talks I liked.

I thought it was good how President Dallin H. Oaks emphasized one reason why Jesus Christ's resurrection is so important—because of the way it can transform our mortal experience. By changing our view of what happens after this life, it encourages us to seek and build lasting relationships, and helps us see other people as our brothers and sisters. I loved the story of the nurse who was granted the gift to see her rude, difficult patient as a child of God. I've prayed for that kind of Godly perspective, and have occasionally been granted it, but usually I'm just left to my own efforts struggling to see unpleasant people as God sees them. I suppose the very effort leads to learning! I also loved President Oaks' point that suspicion and distrust usually gives way when personal, loving contact is maintained. It gives such importance to our interactions with neighbors and acquaintances. Any person might dislike our church or religion in general; he may think our beliefs as a group are ridiculous—but if an actual person is kind to him, friendly to him, persistently polite and thoughtful—how can he help but feel the love of God? And we know the love of God can transform the hardest heart.

President Eyring's talk on prayer was one of my favorites. (Was it on prayer? Anyway, that's what my notes are about.) He said that even our "non-verbal prayers" have power—that our feelings and love could be so constant that it would "count" (?) as our "prayers ascending always" to God. I like that idea of even our hopes and silent thoughts being weighed for our good. I was also very struck by his description of how he felt at his wife's funeral: "The Holy Ghost allowed me to envision the happy reunion ahead as if it were already a reality." I'm not sure those were his exact words, but the meaning of that is astonishing to me! To  trust God so much that I already feel future blessings as if they've happened? To be as joyful in the hope as in the fulfillment of that hope? That's an astounding blessing, really. It shows the depth of President Eyring's faith, but he also said it was a gift from the Holy Ghost, which means I can pray for it too.

Of course I loved Elder Kearon's talk, as I'm coming to know I always will. I love how he described common consent, sustaining each other in our callings, as a principle that brings together agency, unity, and faith. He said our callings have a "foundational role" in the formation of our faith, which makes sense, but I don't always think about my callings like that! Every calling, he said, is a way to follow Jesus by "being about our father's business." And they give us a way to "pursue Christ" and His virtues.

I need to read Elder Bednar's talk again, but I liked the premise that "enduring to the end" doesn't mean what we usually assume it means. I'm not sure if I fully grasped his point, but I think it was something like this: enduring to the end is not just a command, but a promise that we're capable of reaching an "end" where we have changed to become like Jesus Christ. Knowing this, "enduring" becomes the "joyous quest of a lifetime" because it's the gradual process of learning to love and trust God, making our connection to Him stronger and deeper.

Elder Christofferson's talk seemed to be on a similar theme. He asked a question I've often wondered about: how did Jesus get to be who He is? How did He get his character? According to Elder Christofferson, Jesus's character is a result of what is in His heart—His desires, thoughts, and actions. So if we cultivate charity in our hearts, for example,  it can lead to a bunch of other Christlike traits. He quoted someone as saying that "our character is revealed in our power to discern the suffering of others when we ourselves are suffering." Very interesting. I also liked how he described one of the things in Christ's heart as the "passion to further the advancement of others." I don't think I could say I have a "passion" for this myself, but I'm going to pray for it! 

It was also interesting how Elder Christofferson linked our development of this Christlike character directly to the Second Coming of Christ. It always sounded like he was saying, "the faster we as a people gain these traits, the faster Jesus can come again." And he was telling us to hurry up and get working on it!

Elder Stevensen's talk was so good! He talked about the lost luggage and the airport which never loses luggage (so amazing!). I loved it when he described how God "labels" each of us with the intention: "You are mine. I intend to bring you home." It's so beautiful to think about how we could transform the world if we looked at every single person as God's precious possession, making sure each one was counted, tracked, and cared for. It reminds me of Elder William K Jackson's talk in the last conference about numbering and remembering the sheep. I feel that "we" as a church should be so much better at this —and I know that "we" has to keep starting with me (rather than just me getting frustrated that no one else is doing his job right, haha). When I feel discouraged about that, I have to remember that as Elder Christofferson said in his talk above, we really can make a difference in the world one by one. And people are helping to bring Heavenly Father's precious children back one by one, in wards and branches and families all over the world! The principle works when we each do our parts—it's already working! (We just need to do it…more.)

Now that I think of it, Sister Kristin Yee's talk was on the same theme—how ministering to one person is the most powerful thing we can do. I loved her statement that "we are sent here to love in sacrificial and transformational ways—even ways that seem impossible." And I'm still thinking about all she could have meant by "when we bless the one, we bless the whole."

I think I'm going to like Elder Renlund's talk about focusing on Jesus and His atonement. I was trying to make bread dough for our "empty tomb rolls" during his talk so I missed a lot. But I deeply related to his story about his dog being totally overwhelmed trying to keep track of two balls at once, so I have a feeling I truly need the counsel that followed!

Elder Gong talked about "Abide with Me" in a kind of lyrical or poetic way, as is his custom, and it means I always need to re-read to catch more of his meaning. I don't even know if he talked about this point particularly, but he brought up the three times Jesus wasn't recognized after His resurrection, and I thought it was interesting comparing those three instances. I've never thought about them side by side before. The first was with Mary at the tomb, the second was with two disciples, and the third was with eleven disciples. What I think is interesting is the three ways those people ended up recognizing the Savior: with Mary, it was when He said her name. With the two disciples, it was "in the breaking of bread." And with the eleven, it was when they saw His hands. This feels significant to me—like maybe these are categories of ways we could help others recognize God? or come to know Him better ourselves? I want to think about that a little more. (And that's the good thing about Elder Gong's poetic/symbolic style, I guess—it suggests meanings that aren't necessarily stated outright.)

It was also interesting that Elder Soares had nearly the same theme as Elder Gong—"Abide with me" and how we can "abide in Christ." He said inviting the Savior to abide with us is essential for our spiritual survival.

I liked when Sister Emily Belle Freeman said "When Peter had a tasked that seemed too big, Jesus was there within reaching distance."

I liked when Elder Jorge Becarra said the reason he had confidence to pay tithing in a difficult financial time was because of his mother's Family Home Evening lesson! (What?? Some children listen to FHE lessons??! This is news to me.)

I need to read Elder Thierry Mutombo's talk. I heard him talk about his ten children, and how four of them have died, which is so heartbreaking to think about. But I didn't hear what he said about that, and I'm sure it was good!

And lastly, I loved Elder Clement M. Matswagatata's talk, because he is our friend! He came to our Stake Conference and gave such good talks, and he actually met with Sam one-on-one for about seven minutes (part of interviewing the high council before calling a new Stake President)—so basically, we are best friends now.😄 I didn't talk to him but I did talk to his wife for a minute and I loved her! His conference talk wove together themes of Jesus calling us by name and walking with us (which I am realizing now really did appear all through Conference). I liked his reminder that "there is always someone praying for you." I don't think about that very often. I of course pray for others, and am trying to get continually better at remembering specific people and specific blessings they need, but who would be praying for me? It's nice to realize that my mom, my husband, my brothers, my friends, my ministering sisters, and others are probably praying for me just as I am for them! 

And that's it! Another good General Conference to digest and study for the next six months! I missed having a Saturday Evening Session 😢 but it looks like I have plenty to keep me busy with the four sessions we got, so I'm excited for the transcripts to come out so I can get to work!

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Just some things

As I think I've said already, having an unseasonably warm February and March was so nice! We got to play outside during many of our Field Trip days, with minimal outerwear. There were even a couple days where we got to pick up Sam from BYU during his free hour between classes and have him come to a playground with us. So fun!

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The very moment you begin

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday Morning Session of the April 2013 Conference.

I don't really have that much to say about it, but I just loved Elder Uchtdorf's talk, The Hope of God's Light. It feels so right for this time of year, for Holy Week and for the coming springtime. He says,

Lift up your soul in prayer and explain to your Heavenly Father what you are feeling. Acknowledge your shortcomings. Pour out your heart and express your gratitude. Let Him know of the trials you are facing. Plead with Him in Christ’s name for strength and support. Ask that your ears may be opened, that you may hear His voice. Ask that your eyes may be opened, that you may see His light.

There was a time recently when I prayed to ask Heavenly Father why we often have to fight so hard to see things in an optimistic way. It feels like you have to deliberately wrench a hopeful meaning out of unhopeful events at times, and I was wishing it were easier. Then I felt the Spirit telling me, "The hopeful view is always there. But seeing it is a blessing given in return for the effort made to turn and look at it."

Something about this quote from Elder Uchtdorf's talk reminded me of that. It is so hopeful for ourselves and for our loved ones:

The very moment you begin to seek your Heavenly Father, in that moment, the hope of His light will begin to awaken, enliven, and ennoble your soul.

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San Francisco for a day!

I'm sure I've told you that Seb's job with United comes with flight benefits. He can fly on any United flight on standby, any time he can get a seat. In practice it's kind of complicated, and it's definitely not a no-hassle ticket to anywhere you want on demand, but you can, apparently, figure out the system and get some great benefits from it! Seb really loves it and uses practically all of his days off to fly to interesting airports, fly on certain planes he likes, or even just come home and spend a day with us. He can even fly first class if there are seats available.

What I don't know if I've also said is that we (his parents) get those benefits too! Because of the logistics of flying on standby, we haven't and probably won't be able to use them as often as Seb! It's not the best system for if you need to be in a certain place at a certain time, and that is only way a working man like Sam CAN travel! But it's kind of fun and cool all the same. This year, Seb also listed Goldie as his one "friend" who can get the benefits too. So, a few weeks ago, Seb called me saying, "Flights are really open in the next few days. There are 50-60 seats available on a ton of different flights. Do you want to go somewhere?"

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One step at a time

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Priesthood Session of the April 2013 Conference.

There were lots of missionary stories in this Conference (here and here, for example) but what stuck with me from this week was this quote by Elder Uchtdorf. It's not like this is an unusual metaphor (I feel like everyone always compares everything to babies learning to walk) but it's just such a good reminder of how God sees our faltering efforts—not with anger or impatience or annoyance, but cheering us on with love:

We have all seen a toddler learn to walk. He takes a small step and totters. He falls. Do we scold such an attempt? Of course not. What father would punish a toddler for stumbling? We encourage, we applaud, and we praise because with every small step, the child is becoming more like his parents.

Now, brethren, compared to the perfection of God, we mortals are scarcely more than awkward, faltering toddlers. But our loving Heavenly Father wants us to become more like Him, and, dear brethren, that should be our eternal goal too. God understands that we get there not in an instant but by taking one step at a time.

I do not believe in a God who would set up rules and commandments only to wait for us to fail so He could punish us. I believe in a Heavenly Father who is loving and caring and who rejoices in our every effort to stand tall and walk toward Him. Even when we stumble, He urges us not to be discouraged—never to give up or flee our allotted field of service—but to take courage, find our faith, and keep trying.

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So you can cease to fear

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday Afternoon Session of the April 2013 Conference.

This conference had two beautiful talks about peace. Elder Quentin L. Cook takes pains to point out that "universal peace" or world peace is not the same as the personal peace we have access to at all times through being righteous. "This [personal] peace," he says, "is a promised gift of the Savior's mission and atoning sacrifice" and it is "not just a temporary tranquility. It is an abiding deep happiness and spiritual contentment."

Elder Cook talks about how even with the "peace taken from the earth" (a prophesied condition of the last days which prophets have said is already upon us) and the world in commotion, we can still feel the Savior's peace. When he gave this talk in 2013, he referenced the September 11th attacks of 2001. When the attacks happened, I do remember feeling, probably for the first time in my life, fear and uncertainty from an outside event. Sam and I were newly married, soon to be parents, and I was realizing for the first time that "the world" could actually reach into my home, my family, and hurt us! But by 2013 those feelings had mostly faded as I was immersed in motherhood and homeschool and our soon-to-be six children (I was expecting Marigold at the time of this conference). So I may not have really needed this talk when Elder Cook gave it. But now…I don't know if it's because the state of the world really is more scary and confusing and wicked, or if it's because my children are growing up and leaving my home and it feels, again, like the world is more able to get in and affect our lives, but the need for personal peace feels so relevant, even urgent! It feels like something I can't live without.

Elder Cook quotes President Heber J. Grant talking about the Savior's peace: 

"His peace will ease our suffering, bind up our broken hearts, blot out our hates, engender in our breasts a love of fellow men that will suffuse our souls with calm and happiness." 

Doesn't that sound like exactly what we need right now? He also quotes words I love from Eliza R. Snow's hymn "Though Deepening Trials": 

Lift up your hearts in praise to God;

Let your rejoicings never cease.

Though tribulations rage abroad,

Christ says, “In me ye shall have peace.” 

Elder Richard G. Scott's talk also focuses on personal peace, specifically on how we can make our homes places of peace. I liked this quote so much that I used it as the foundation for our school-year theme, "A place of refuge,"  a couple years ago:

Many voices from the world in which we live tell us we should live at a frantic pace. There is always more to do and more to accomplish. Yet deep inside each of us is a need to have a place of refuge where peace and serenity prevail, a place where we can reset, regroup, and reenergize to prepare for future pressures.

The ideal place for that peace is within the walls of our own homes, where we have done all we can to make the Lord Jesus Christ the centerpiece.

It's comforting to think that even when we start to feel that "the world is reaching in" panic, even when out-of-family (or in-family!) events make us feel helpless and vulnerable, we do have a way to keep our homes peaceful:

When we obey the commandments of the Lord and serve His children unselfishly, the natural consequence is power from God—power to do more than we can do by ourselves. Our insights, our talents, our abilities are expanded because we receive strength and power from the Lord. His power is a fundamental component to establishing a home filled with peace.

And then this is my favorite quote of the whole conference:

When you feel that there is only a thin thread of hope, it is really not a thread but a massive connecting link, like a life preserver to strengthen and lift you. It will provide comfort so you can cease to fear.

I'm so grateful for the hope and peace the Savior and His gospel allow us. I'm grateful for the "connecting link" of my covenants with Him. I want and need His gift of peace in my life!

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Valentine's Day

 

Valentine's Day has always (as long as I can remember, anyway) been a family holiday more than a romantic holiday for us. I love making valentines for all the kids every year and seeing the ones they make for each other. We set them out at each other's places at the breakfast table, and everyone is SO excited to run into the kitchen in the morning and see what is there!

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You will have the comfort of His love

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday Morning Session of the April 2013 Conference.

This conference had so many words of encouragement that felt directed specifically toward mothers about their families. Here is a sampling. 

• God will give us power to nurture our families! 

The same priesthood power that created worlds, galaxies, and the universe can and should be part of our lives to succor, strengthen, and bless our families, our friends, and our neighbors—in other words, to do the things that the Savior would do if He were ministering among us today. (Elder Ballard)

• Following our covenants—just living those ordinary acts of obedience—will give great protection to our homes. 

Latter-day Saints recognize the transcendent importance of the family and strive to live in such a way that the adversary cannot steal into our homes. We find safety and security for ourselves and our children in honoring the covenants we have made and living up to the ordinary acts of obedience required of the followers of Christ. (Elder Packer)

• Motherhood is a great work, and Heavenly Father loves us for doing it!

Our daily contributions of nurturing, teaching, and caring for others may seem mundane, diminished, difficult, and demeaning at times, and yet as we remember that first line in the Young Women theme—“We are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves us”—it will make all the difference in our relationships and our responses. (Sister Elaine S. Dalton)

• Serving those around us and keeping our own covenants is the best way to reach family members we are worried about. As we serve all of His children, God does miracles in the lives of our children.

Many of you have loved ones who are wandering off the path to eternal life. You wonder what more you can do to bring them back. You can depend on the Lord to draw closer to them as you serve Him in faith.…Your prayers and the prayers of those who exercise their faith will bring the Lord’s servants to help your family members. They will help them choose the way home to God, even as they are attacked by Satan and his followers, whose purpose it is to destroy families in this life and in eternity.…

My promise to you who pray and serve the Lord cannot be that you will have every blessing you may wish for yourself and your family. But I can promise you that the Savior will draw close to you and bless you and your family with what is best. You will have the comfort of His love and feel the answer of His drawing closer as you reach out your arms in giving service to others. …His arms are outstretched with yours to succor and bless the children of our Heavenly Father, including those in your family. (Elder Henry B. Eyring)

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Teddy is 11…and miscellaneous other things

This is just a picture of Teddy looking mildly aware that I'm taking his picture. But there's something so Teddyish about it! I'm not even sure what. His tousled hair? His perceptive gaze? He looks old, too—as old as Abe looked when I started thinking, "Whoa, this boy is actually going to become a man at some point!" He is tall and strong for his age, and honestly seems like he ought to have been in Young Men's this year—but I'm glad we get him in primary for another year.

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Never alone

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Relief Society Session of the October 2012 Conference.

I was really touched by the story Sister Linda S. Reeves told in her talk about a tour guide she met in Australia:

We found out that Mollie, a lovely woman in her 70s, has no children and has never married. She is an only child, and her parents have been deceased for many years. Her closest relatives are two cousins who live on another continent. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with the Spirit testifying to me, almost as if Heavenly Father were speaking: “Mollie is not alone! Mollie is my daughter! I am her Father! She is a very important daughter in my family, and she is never alone!”

I think it's so tender how the Lord remembered and loved his daughter Mollie so much that he even wanted to testify of it to a stranger. He wanted to remind Sister Reeves of the importance of every daughter in His family, and by doing so He also reminded her of her own worth. Sister Reeve goes on to say,

When we wonder if we are known by our Savior and our Father in Heaven or how well They know us personally, we might remember the Savior’s words to Oliver Cowdery:

“If you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things.”

Earlier the Savior stated to him, “There is none else save God that knowest thy thoughts and the intents of thy heart.”

The Savior reminded Oliver that He knew every detail of that pleading prayer—and remembered the exact time, the very night.

For some reason I'd never seen this scripture as a reminder of God's personal and tender knowledge of us. I always read it more as a gentle rebuke; telling Oliver "you should have remembered what I already told you!" But read this way, it's more like God saying, "Remember that special time You and I spent together? I will never forget it. I remember the details exactly. That's because it was important to Me." What an amazing reassurance of God's care!

And then I love the way Sister Reeves ended her talk:

Just as the Lord has testified to me that He has not forgotten His precious daughter Mollie Lenthal, I testify that He has not forgotten you! Whatever sin or weakness or pain or struggle or trial you are going through, He knows and understands those very moments. He loves you! And He will carry you through those moments, just as He did Mary and Martha. He has paid the price that He might know how to succor you. Cast your burdens upon Him. Tell your Heavenly Father how you feel. Tell Him about your pain and afflictions and then give them to Him. Search the scriptures daily. There you will also find great solace and help.

She speaks with the authority of one who knows God and has done these very things (and we learn from other parts of her talk that indeed she has, through some times of hard trial!). I love the image of this loving Father looking for and remembering each of His daughters, wanting to be close to each of us, caring about what is important to each of us, delighted as He watches each of us progress, and reassuring each of us that we are never alone.

Other posts in this series:

Faith in the atonement through our mortal adversities—by Rozy

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Some exciting things

Great changes have been in the wind for Malachi (and thus, all of us!). He started college at BYU at the beginning of January. He and Abe are now both living at my mom's house in Provo, though Malachi still has a debate class up by us, so he is often home for a day or two on the weekend and sometimes comes to church with us. Abe is very persuasive, though, and likes Malachi to come to church with him (also Abe is the ward clerk so he just snatched Malachi's records from us without permission!😡), so it depends on the week. Either way, we miss Ky a lot! It seemed like he was hardly ever home before anyway, but it actually does feel quite different to have him gone-gone. Sitting at the dinner table feels strange without him. Sitting on the church pew feels strange without him. Having family home evening seems strange without him. Our family just doesn't feel quite the same, and I don't like it! Happy for him, of course—college is just the sort of place Malachi loves and thrives in—but sad that we feel smaller and less complete without our three big boys. They have set the tone at home for so long. We feel their loss!

My mom sneakily took this picture for me on Abe's and Ky's first day of school. Cute to see them heading off together like that!

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My birthday

My birthday was such a nice day! Nice as in people were nice to me, and nice as in the weather was beautiful. I always wish to have a picnic on my birthday, and you might actually be surprised how often that wish comes true. Not every year, obviously. The year I was actually born there was a big snowstorm and my mom was afraid she wouldn't get to the hospital in time! But not not every year, either.

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Store Day

 

We're having an Economics and Financial Literacy Unit for school right now, which means it was time to break out our family currency (Bunny Money). It's been years since we've done Bunny Money, so the little kids have been loving it. Zig earned enough for "Get a Treat with Mommy and Daddy" and this is the treat he chose! It was fun to talk with him and see how happy and proud of himself he was.

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January happenings

Oh, January. It isn't the worst month…or is it? Actually I think it might be. February is also a candidate, but must be excluded due to my birthday (plus Teddy's and Sam's!) and its shorter length. So January it is—but this January was actually quite nice! The nice weather and sunshine definitely makes a difference, even interspersed with some grey days and smoggy skies.

Anyway, all the months go so fast these days, none of them really drag on like they used to seem to! Sebastian came home a couple times for visits, and the kids are always happy when he's around. He took them to the airport to watch planes.

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Sibling Christmas activities

For many years now we have had the kids draw names for Christmas presents to their siblings. It's a little logistically daunting because we have to help the little ones find presents, and sometimes we forget to do that till Christmas Eve…which is stressful. Usually we end up with a lot of inexpensive presents from D.I. from the younger kids, which is fine, and then those who have jobs can get something a little nicer, but we end up with a lot of presents that aren't necessarily as well-appreciated or of as lasting value as they might be. Which you could also say about any Christmas presents in general, I suppose…but that's a discussion for another place and time. At any rate, the kids like to get each other presents, so we have to have some system or other for it!

This year we decided to have them try giving "experience" gifts. It has the same problem of imbalance (some siblings being able to afford much more monetary output than others), but we figured even if the activities varied in cost, there would be still be benefit in the kids getting to spend positive time together making (hopefully good) memories. There is nothing quite like being taken out by an older sibling to do something fun! I have many great memories of the times my brothers did that for me.

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With a heart that is willing

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday Afternoon Session of the October 2012 Conference.

I liked Elder Bednar's talk, "Converted Unto the Lord." I think we talk often enough about "conversion" in the church that I understand what it is. I know about having a change of heart and "no more desire to do evil." But I think this talk still helped me see it a little differently. Before, when I've thought about that change of heart (like the people of Ammon experienced), I've imagined that once you have it, you won't do anything wrong anymore. You don't want to do evil, so you never will do evil. But I like this description from Elder Bednar:

Conversion is an offering of self, of love, and of loyalty we give to God in gratitude for the gift of testimony.

Thinking about it this way, it seems to me like we may well still struggle to fully accept God's will when new challenges come—but we have an underlying desire to follow Him and a determination to be loyal to and love Him. So we will be wiling to "engage in the wrestle" (as Sister Dew says). We will keep making the effort. Because if conversion meant we were perfect from then on, what would be the point of continuing life in mortality? Surely, all the way to the end we will keep having challenges and trials that are truly trials to us. But our conversion will help us stay true to the gospel and the commandments as we struggle through them. As Elder Bednar says,

Continuing conversion is constant devotion to the revealed truth we have received—with a heart that is willing and for righteous reasons.

That implies we will continue learning truth and won't have it all at first, meaning we could easily make mistakes based on our incorrect knowledge along the way. At the same time, a converted heart would desire and seek goodness, and would be truly sorry for those errors or lapses in judgement. That humility would lead to greater understanding:

For many of us, conversion is an ongoing process and not a onetime event that results from a powerful or dramatic experience. Line upon line and precept upon precept, gradually and almost imperceptibly, our motives, our thoughts, our words, and our deeds become aligned with the will of God. Conversion unto the Lord requires both persistence and patience.

I love the thought that a converted heart can come gradually and "almost imperceptibly," because sometimes it is so hard to see progress in myself (and those around me!). It's easy to notice how many things I still struggle with, and worrisome to realize things like "after all these years of practice, I am still getting impatient with my kids!" But I do have a willing heart, and I do feel love, loyalty, and gratitude to God. So I am hopeful that I am on the way to being fully converted to Jesus Christ and His gospel.

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Little Collections of Things

Living with Clementine is like living with…I don't know, a bunch of little squirrels or something. Except instead of hiding nuts, she puts together little collections of things. Same-colored things, same-shaped things, whatever kinds of matching things.

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Christmas Eve and Christmas

A little catching up! First of all, the question on everyone's lips: what did the rest of the children do while we were in Greece with Malachi? 

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Always calculated to bless

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday Morning Session of the October 2012 Conference.

It was hard to choose a talk from this session. Elder Holland's talk, "The First Great Commandment," is one of the best talks ever! (I miss him!) President Packer's talk on the Atonement of Jesus Christ is also great. And Elder Eyring's "Where is the Pavilion" made a big impression on me the first time I heard it. I'm writing about that last one because it has been the most baffling to me, in a way. As with so many of Elder Eyring's talks, I've felt that there is something about it I just cannot grasp. I remember reading it several years ago hoping it would have answers to my questions, but I just couldn't find them.

Something shifted this time and I think I understand a little more. The "pavilion" covering God is an image that works for me. And it makes sense that this is true:

Many of us, in moments of personal anguish, feel that God is far from us. The pavilion that seems to intercept divine aid does not cover God but occasionally covers us. God is never hidden, yet sometimes we are, covered by a pavilion of motivations that draw us away from God and make Him seem distant and inaccessible.

Of course if God seems distant, the problem is on our side and not His! But so many times I've felt frustrated with Elder Eyring's remedy for it:

Our own desires, rather than a feeling of “Thy will be done,” create the feeling of a pavilion blocking God. God is not unable to see us or communicate with us, but we may be unwilling to listen or submit to His will and His time.

Our feelings of separation from God will diminish as we become more childlike before Him.

I think I've just felt in so many cases that I already am trying to accept God's will, and I don't know what else to do. And when any person is feeling alone because God's love isn't getting through to him or her, it feels unfair to add another burden of guilt saying "That blockage you feel is your own fault!"

That's where my perspective shift came this time, as I realized how actually liberating it is to know that truth! Just imagine if we didn't know it was our fault. If we had to guess whether or not God actually was withdrawing from us; to wonder if He had removed His loving presence because of our sins or for some other reason. It would be horrible because if God Himself decided not to be close to us, what recourse would we have? What could we do about it? Nothing. Whereas, knowing He wants to be close—knowing He is always there as soon as we are ready—puts the next steps within our own control and gives us something solid to hope for.

The other thing I realized is that Elder Eyring isn't really saying "the problem of the pavilion lies with you!" as an accusatory thing. He is saying "the problem of the pavilion is a part of our mortal experience, but your efforts to figure out how to remove it will not be in vain!" He talks about the faithful woman longing to have children children, who 

"felt as committed and consecrated as Mary, who declared, 'Behold the handmaid of the Lord.' But although she spoke these words in her heart, she could hear nothing in reply." 

Clearly this woman wasn't doing anything worthy of censure. She was trying! She did want God's will! But the fact that "she could hear nothing in reply" showed her that she needed to search for an even deeper understanding. This wasn't a punishment but a blessing! God was inviting her to trust His purposes and His plan on a new level. And she did it!:

For the first time, she asked not for another child but for a divine errand. “Heavenly Father,” she cried, “I will give you all of my time; please show me how to fill it.” She expressed her willingness to take her family wherever they might be required to go. That prayer produced an unexpected feeling of peace. It did not satisfy her mind’s craving for certainty, but for the first time in years, it calmed her heart.

The prayer removed the pavilion and opened the windows of heaven.

Again, it was suddenly clear to me this time that there is no shame or blame attached to our needing time and effort to reach these new depths of understanding:

Submitting fully to heaven’s will, as this young mother did, is essential to removing the spiritual pavilions we sometimes put over our heads. But it does not guarantee immediate answers to our prayers.

Abraham’s heart seems to have been right long before Sarah conceived Isaac and before they received their promised land. Heaven had other purposes to fulfill first. Those purposes included not only building Abraham and Sarah’s faith but also teaching them eternal truths that they shared with others on their long, circuitous route to the land prepared for them. The Lord’s delays often seem long; some last a lifetime. But they are always calculated to bless. They need never be times of loneliness or sorrow or impatience.

In other words, the whole point of a person taking responsibility for the "pavilions" between her and God is not for her to feel guilty about it. It is so she can think, without "loneliness or sorrow or impatience," "Okay, I know God still loves me and hasn't withdrawn. That truth is a constant. So the fact that I feel alone right now means I have some work to do. Somewhere I am missing something He needs me to know. Now I need to search for what."

I've seen so many times where, in my own life and the lives of those I love, the clouds of mortality are obscuring our vision. I'm sure Satan is actively encouraging those clouds to cover us too. It's not even necessarily our fault…but whether it is or not doesn't matter because the next step always lies within our power: look up anyway. Seek God anyway. He is close, He loves us, and He will always reward our efforts to try harder, look closer, be more trusting, wait more patiently, understand more deeply. Those are the very efforts that will clear the clouds. As Elder Eyring says: 

For any of you who now feel that He is hard to reach, I testify that the day will come that we all will see Him face to face. Just as there is nothing now to obscure His view of us, there will be nothing to obscure our view of Him.

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Milky in Athens

 

Before going to Greece, Milky made a short stop in New York. She rode the train from the airport and met Sebastian at Penn Station.

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Greece Part V: Μερικά ακόμα πράγματα, όπως γιαούρτι

(A few more things, including yogurt):

 

Saturday night we went to a deli down the street to see if we could gather some charcuterie for meals the next day. The owner was super friendly and insisted on us having samples of anything we so much as glanced at behind the counter, as well as several things we didn't. And everything was GOOD. Lots of salamis and prosciutto…many kinds of cheeses (feta being the very best of them)…the most delicious sheep's milk yogurt in little terra cotta pots. He even talked us into some olives, which are usually not my favorite, but these were big and meaty and didn't really taste like anything else I'd ever had. The guy said to us, "If you don't like something as much as you expect, come back and I'll give you your money back. If you like it more than you expect…come back and pay me double!" Ha ha. We almost would have considered it! The final meal was amazing. 

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Greece Part IV: Πράγματα που πιστεύετε ότι πρέπει να δείτε στην Ελλάδα

This part is called "Things you think you should see in Greece." I wrote it in Greek (via Google Translate…of course!!) and am now considering writing this whole post in Greek because it looks much more mysterious and exciting that way! Αν μπορείς να το διαβάσεις αυτό, έχεις το χάρισμα της γλωσσολαλιάς.

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Could there be anything more exhilarating?

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Priesthood Session of the October 2012 Conference.

I miss Priesthood Session. Can I miss it when I never went to it? I miss that it exists. I miss that men get to go to it. When else did they get a chance to sing, listen, laugh, and be together like that? We always joked about how the men got called to repentance in their session, and the women got praised and comforted in their session, and there was some truth to that, but as I re-read the talks I see so much more than that. The Priesthood Session talks were so focused and pertinent. They were so stirring. I feel like they treated men like no one in the world treats men anymore: as if they are powerful, capable, and important—but could be trusted to use those gifts with gentleness and love.

Well, it's too bad, but there must be some reason for the change. I suppose there's nothing stopping any General Authority from still giving a talk just to the men if he wants to! Anyway, I do like reading these old Priesthood Sessions. I really liked Elder Christofferson's talk this time ("Brethren, We Have Work to Do"—one of those stirring ones of the sort I mentioned earlier) but I might have liked Elder Uchtdorf's even more. 

He tells a story about the benefits and limitations of flying in two different kinds of planes, and then he says:

Yes, there is always something imperfect in any situation. Yes, it is easy to find things to complain about.

But brethren, we are bearers of the Holy Priesthood, after the Order of the Son of God! Each of us had hands laid upon our head, and we received the priesthood of God. We have been given authority and responsibility to act in His name as His servants on earth. Whether in a large ward or a small branch, we are called upon to serve, to bless, and to act in all things for the good of everyone and everything entrusted to our care. Could there be anything more exhilarating?

Let us understand, appreciate, and feel the joy of service in the priesthood.

Elder Uchtdorf is so great. I love his perspective and his joyful example. You can see his own exhilaration and joy in God's service. And when he talks about it, I feel it too. I was thinking about how hard it would be to serve in our Quebec branch all the time. Always having to fill some key position because there are so few truly active members. Always hoping for (but not getting) a temple closer to home. Always trying to welcome new members and meet the needs of so many who are struggling. Never quite feeling like you have the full amount of youth or priesthood leadership or active families that you wish you had. It would be exhausting.

And yet a bigger, "stronger," more established ward has its own challenges. There are still many to fellowship, many to support, many to disagree with. The callings are usually filled, but commitment can still waver, and sometimes it feels like more established members waste their gospel experience by tying themselves into philosophical knots about things that would be better kept simple. Faith and obedience may be a struggle for people even in a bigger ward. And it's definitely harder to feel needed and useful in a ward where there are 50 other people that can do everything better than you.

When I think about this I start to feel overwhelmed with the impossibility of ever becoming a Zion People, but Elder Uchtdorf just cuts right through all that discouragement with his simple statement that priesthood (and gospel) service is a privilege and joy. It should be "exhilarating," whether we are in Quebec or Utah or anywhere else in between. We get to work hand in hand with Jesus Christ himself!

I also loved the grateful viewpoint Elder Uchtdorf demonstrated here:

My love for flying influenced the direction of my entire life. But as invigorating and blissful as my experiences as a pilot were, my experiences as a member of this Church have been much deeper, more joyful, and far more profound. As I have immersed myself in Church service, I have felt God’s almighty power as well as His tender mercies.

As a pilot, I have touched the skies. As a Church member, I have felt heaven’s embrace.

Every now and then, I miss sitting in a cockpit. But serving alongside my brothers and sisters in the Church easily makes up for it. Being able to feel the sublime peace and joy that grow from being a small part of this great cause and work, I would not want to miss for anything in the world.

Since Malachi started college, we suddenly have only seven kids at home most of the time. I know that sounds like a joke (ha ha, "only" seven) but it really does feel quite a lot different! Sometimes the older boys will be here for a few days to visit, and then when they leave again, the house feels emptier than ever! It all seemed to happen so fast and I've been feeling pretty sad about it, when I have time to think about it. It feels so hard to have to shift and evolve from the habits and routines that have defined my life for so long! Especially hard to evolve into a nebulous, undefined future. But Elder Uchtdorf deals with that so briskly and cheerfully. "Every now and then, I miss sitting in a cockpit. But serving alongside my brothers and sisters in the Church easily makes up for it." 

I need to start thinking that way! Every now and then, yes, I will miss having young children and feeling so necessary and important to them. Every now and then I will miss who I was as a young mother. Every now and then I will miss the uncomplicated decisions of parenting a young family. But, I will always have the privilege of serving in the church, of serving my children and family in new ways, and of serving and loving those God puts in my path. I know God will compensate me many times over for any efforts I give in His kingdom, because I, too, have seen glimpses of the "sublime peace and joy that grow from being a small part of this great cause and work." 

Other posts in this series:

Basic Habits of Righteousness—by Rozy

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Greece Part III: Πόρος και Αίγινα

The other two islands were Poros and Ægina. (I don't know if they really use that "Æ." It just seemed like an ideal opportunity for it.)

You can see Hydra down there at the bottom. And then the big landmass is the mainland. Poros is right next to it and used to be part of it, but an earthquake detached it so it's now technically its own little island. The narrow channel between Galatas and Poros is really beautiful!

Then Aegina is up at the top. (And Athens is across the water, to the right and off the screen.)

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Greece Part II: Εδρα

December in Greece is, obviously, the off-season, which is part of why we found a good deal to go there. And I think it can be cold there in December. But it was so perfect and beautiful when we were there. Every moment it was just the right temperature. When we walked outside I'd usually take a sweater but never really need it. The afternoon sun felt gentle and energizing. The night air felt soft and refreshing. However, it was certainly not weather for going to the beach, so I wasn't sure if we should even try to visit the ocean at all, or just stay in the city.

Of course there are a million Greek islands. (Actually from 1200 to 6000, Google tells me.) And there are cruises that go for days and weeks to take people between the popular ones. But I found out there are some islands close to Athens, in the Saronic Gulf, which are close enough to have ferries to them! Well…you know we do love a good island. So I found a day cruise that would take us to three of those nearby islands. And then a shuttle bus picked us up from near our house and drove us down to the marina early Saturday morning.

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Greece Part I: Αθήνα

Maybe the best thing about Athens was the view from the apartment we stayed in. We rode the tiny elevator (one person at a time…that's how tiny it was…and Malachi just ran up the stairs because he didn't want to wait) to the 5th floor, walked through the doorway and looked out the window and saw this:

I knew we were seeing the Parthenon, I remembered that much from ancient history classes, but I hadn't realized it was up on a big cliff like that (the rocky hill is the Acropolis, which apparently isn't only a word for this hill but any ancient Greek fortification…but really, I think this one is "the" Acropolis) and I definitely hadn't realized it would just be right there!

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To us this is a great evil

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday Afternoon Session of the October 2012 Conference.

I liked so many of the talks in this session. Elder L. Tom Perry's about being goodly parents had lots of good advice. I liked Elder Ballard's talk about the honeybees and being anxiously engaged in good ( I never liked the fact that each bee only contributes 1/12 of a teaspoon of honey to the hive in its lifetime…seems discouraging…but I think I suddenly understood what he meant by sharing it this time). Elder Andersen's talk, Trial of Your Faith, was almost painful to read in parts, but also so so good. I perhaps should have written about that one.

But the one I can't stop thinking about was by Elder Dallin H. Oaks, our current prophet, called "Protect the Children." I usually don't like to write about things other people should do better, because that's not really the point of listening to Conference talks, is it? There is so much I need to do better that I have plenty to do just focusing on that. Nor do I like to wade into controversy in any form. Our current political scene has caused me to withdraw almost completely from consuming either news or opinion, so I am now peacefully oblivious to most of it. I have enough to keep me busy in my own little family, my own little ward, and feel no need, and even a firm imperative not to, venture into militance or "activism." (Others may feel other imperatives. That's fine.)

But with one topic I just can't feel peaceful about other perspectives. It is this:

From the perspective of the plan of salvation, one of the most serious abuses of children is to deny them birth. This is a worldwide trend. The national birthrate in the United States is the lowest in 25 years, and the birthrates in most European and Asian countries have been below replacement levels for many years. This is not just a religious issue. As rising generations diminish in numbers, cultures and even nations are hollowed out and eventually disappear.

One cause of the diminishing birthrate is the practice of abortion. Worldwide, there are estimated to be more than 40 million abortions per year. Many laws permit or even promote abortion, but to us this is a great evil.

It hurts my heart and my spirit to see so many women I like and otherwise admire excusing or even celebrating this "great evil." I can't comprehend how any mother can celebrate it. Yes, I understand there are rare situations where the choice of abortion is complicated, but to bring those up, triumphantly—as if they have any significance at all against the vast tide of very straighforward and obviously wrong choices—seems ignorant at best, downright evil at worst. I know too many articulate, smart, accomplished women, mothers, members of the church of Jesus Christ, who reflexively defend abortion. They choose pro-abortion books for book group. They vilify policies that seek to make it rarer. They speak of it to their children, their daughters, in a way that can't help but sow confusion about the purpose of families and the holiness of motherhood. They bring up false dichotomies and seem to delight in moral dilemmas rather than teaching clear doctrine and trusting God's prophets. It seems to be a blind spot for entire swaths of women—good women!—and I don't understand why, other than I guess that Satan is very good at what he does.

I read that there were an estimated 72-80 million abortions worldwide in 2025. Even at the lower figure, it is the leading cause of death in the world, and also in the USA specifically. The top ten other causes of death (cardiovascular disease, stroke, etc) cause about 39 million deaths per year worldwide. It is unfathomable. If I let myself think about it, about those unique unborn souls, those lost opportunities, I almost can't bear the weight of sorrow.

Maybe there's something I'm missing. Maybe there are more important things to think about. Maybe there is nothing to be done about it until the Savior comes again. I don't know the meaning of all things. But Elder Oaks surely knows God's will on this matter. And he says,

We can all remember our feelings when a little child cried out and reached up to us for help. A loving Heavenly Father gives us those feelings to impel us to help His children. Please recall those feelings as I speak about our responsibility to protect and act for the well-being of children.

I do feel those feelings so strongly. I can't ignore them. I feel toward those unborn babies as I feel toward my own babies—inexpressible love and yearning to help. I wish this issue weren't so tied up with politics, with ideology, with "progressive" thought, because it seems to have confused so many who are otherwise kind and compassionate people. And I hate to see young women, the next generation, served so poorly by their mothers who should guide them better. There is so much sorrow for them in adopting the thoughts of the world on birth control and abortion. So much joy and learning through motherhood, sacrifice, and families—joy Satan does not want them to have! Elder Oaks concludes his talk:

We are speaking of the children of God, and with His powerful help, we can do more to help them…I pray that we will humble ourselves as little children and reach out to protect our little children, for they are the future for us, for our Church, and for our nations.

I don't know what I can do, besides loving and teaching my own children, and trying to value life in every way I can. But Elder Oaks' prayer is my prayer too.

Other posts in this series:

Trial of Your Faith—by Rozy

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