To recognize when light shines in our lives

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday Afternoon Session of the October 2015 Conference.

There a seemed a general theme in this session of choosing faith over doubt—with an emphasis on the fact that we have a choice. I'm so fascinated with the idea of that space granted where we and we alone can choose to act or make those tiny efforts that allow God to bless us with more light.

Elder Hales said this interesting thing:

Begin exercising your faith in every area of your life. If you don’t, you will suffer what I would call “faith atrophy.” The very strength needed to exercise your faith will be diminished.

It's that idea of "spiritual momentum" (or lack of momentum) President Nelson talked about, and so many things in the gospel seem to fit that mold, where to be able to do something, you have to just start doing it. The learning comes from the doing. And the power remains with us, which should feel hopeful and not discouraging, because the moment we exert that desire or effort, heavenly help comes:

Remember, no one can reach upward on your behalf. Only your faith and prayers will cause you to lift yourself and have the mighty change of heart. Only your resolve to be obedient can change your life.

Along those same lines, Elder Vern P. Stanfill (he comes to our church sometimes!—his daughter is in our ward) said:

No matter how intense the darkness of doubt, we choose how long and to what extent we allow it to influence us. We must remember how much our Heavenly Father and His Son love us. They will neither abandon us, nor will They allow us to be overcome if we seek Their help. Remember Peter’s experience in the hostile waves of the Sea of Galilee. As Peter felt the cold darkness close around him, he recognized his dilemma immediately and chose in that very moment to call out for help. He did not question the Savior’s power to save him; he simply called out, “Lord, save me.”

I guess that could be misinterpreted as "if you are feeling doubt, it's your fault for choosing doubt!" but I don't think that's what it means. Again, it's just about that moment of effort. Do we call out for help or say "The Lord never speaks to me!" Do we choose to hold onto what we already decided to believe, or start questioning that too?

I am reminded of the counsel given in a familiar hymn: “Doubt not the Lord nor his goodness [for] we’ve proved him in days that are past.” To ignore and discount past spiritual experiences will distance us from God.

Our quest for light will be enhanced by our willingness to recognize when it shines in our lives.

I'm so grateful for the chance we have to choose faith. I've gradually come to see it as such a gift, rather than one more thing to weigh us down and make us feel guilty—probably because I've seen how little effort is required, how small the moment of choice need be, before God steps in and floods us with additional help. The idea of receiving light "little by little" or "line upon line" is remarkable to me not because help is incremental, but because it is repeatable! We keep trying and He keeps helping over and over again! He can't send every answer at once due to our own limitations, but it seems to me he does send something with each of our efforts. The Lord loves effort and he shows that He does by the way he blesses us.

0

Wonderstone in Fallon Nevada

We have had so many field trips this Fall! We've found so many rocks. More rocks than any one family could ever need…and yet are we satisfied? We are not. We never are. I heard about a cool rockhounding spot near Fallon, Nevada, and I started thinking about ways we could manage to get there. There's a nice area for finding agates that I've been wanting to visit near Wendover, so we could go there on the way. If Daisy skipped her Friday class…and we found a cheap motel to stay overnight…and we found a weekend Sam didn't have too much work…

The thing that finally decided it for me was when I remembered that my friend Montserrat lives way out on a ranch somewhere there near Winnemucca. I emailed her to ask if we could possibly meet up, and she said we could! With such a fun thing to look forward to, the 7-hour drive (one way!) suddenly felt worth it.

2

Joy as promised

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday Morning Session of the October 2015 Conference.

I heard the same message about choosing happiness in both President Uchtdorf and Elder Cook's talks this session. It's something I've been thinking about already, and I love how President Uchtdorf got to the point of it so directly:

I wonder if we as Church members might also benefit from asking ourselves from time to time: “Is my experience in the Church working for me? Is it bringing me closer to Christ? Is it blessing me and my family with peace and joy as promised in the gospel?”…

Every day I meet Church members who are filled with a radiant joy and who demonstrate in word and deed that their lives are immeasurably enriched by the restored gospel of Jesus Christ.

I've noticed it's easy to get confused when we start talking about gospel joy. Whoever's currently unhappy is inclined to think, "Oh boy, I'm already feeling sad and now I have to feel guilty for feeling sad too?" But I like the phrasing here which shows that the gospel is meant to bring us joy; it should bring us joy. It's not that we are bad or wrong for not feeling it, but—if we aren't feeling it, surely we should at least try to figure out what in our gospel experience is not "working"? It's no more a judgement on our worth than playing a wrong note in a piano piece would be. You don't berate yourself "I'm so dumb, why didn't I play that A-flat chord, why??!" You just figure out the correct notes and practice them and then it sounds better!

Elder Cook makes the same point:

The adversary has been successful in planting a great myth in the minds of many people. He and his emissaries declare that the real choice we have is between happiness and pleasure now in this life and happiness in a life to come (which the adversary asserts may not exist). This myth is a false choice, but it is very seductive.

The ultimate noble purpose of God’s plan of happiness is for righteous disciples and covenant families to be united in love, harmony, and peace in this life and attain celestial glory in the eternities with God the Father, our Creator; and His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, our Savior…

I recognize that, despite the overwhelming happiness embodied in God’s divine plan, sometimes it can feel far away and disconnected from our current circumstances. It may feel beyond our reach as struggling disciples. From our limited perspective, current temptations and distractions can seem attractive. The rewards for resisting those temptations, on the other hand, can feel distant and unattainable. But a true understanding of the Father’s plan reveals that the rewards of righteousness are available right now.

These two apostles both gave different ideas for things we can do to choose happiness and joy in any circumstance. President Uchtdorf talks about simplifying and starting where we are. And Elder Cook talks about righteous self-control and (something that might not seem obvious!) keeping the Sabbath Day. It's interesting to be reminded again of the power of keeping that simple commandment:

Clearly, honoring the Sabbath has been “a perpetual covenant,” preserving and blessing the Jewish people in fulfillment of scripture. It has also contributed to the extraordinary family life and happiness that are evident in the lives of many Jewish people.

For members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, honoring the Sabbath is a form of righteousness that will bless and strengthen families, connect us with our Creator, and increase happiness.

I love how empowering it is to look at gospel joy as a given, almost a "right"—not that we're entitled to it without effort or shouldn't be grateful for it, but in a way we should expect it and boldly claim it! It's one of God's promises! So if we aren't feeling it right now…we can! And God will help us figure out how!

1

Geodes and Calcite Onyx

We've been having a Rocks and Minerals Unit for homeschool, and it's just the best. Geology is one of my favorite things to learn about, and rocks in particular! I thought we had hunted for every cool kind of rock in the state during previous rock units, but we've been finding all kinds of new adventures to go on and have been out on field trips practically every weekend.

And Fall is such a beautiful time to be outside (even just out in the desert!). In September we went to the geode beds, which is one of my favorite places ever. I can't believe how young the kids were when we last went (2020). I'm always afraid this will be the time we don't find any, but happily it was not. Sam got into a vein of them and was pulling them out of the clay like…I don't know what. Like tissues out of a tissue box. One after another.

1

Hope will open your eyes

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the General Women's Session of the October 2015 Conference.

I remember thinking, when I first heard President Uchtdorf's talk called "A summer with Great-Aunt Rose," how sweet his little parable was and how it was just the right thing for all the young girls listening (this session included the 8-year-olds and up, so there were even more young girls than usual). I did not particularly think it was a deep or profound talk. But it was cute and had a good message about gratitude.

So, as I re-read his talk this week, I was a little surprised how much depth it suddenly seemed to take on. This, for example:

“I imagine there were many dark and dreary days for the pioneers," Aunt Rose said. "Their life was so hard—we can’t even imagine. But in this painting, everything is bright and hopeful. This girl has a spring in her step, and she is moving forward and upward.”

It felt so touching to me reading it now, thinking of how many little and big sorrows life can have. Things which have taken me by surprise; things I didn't imagine facing or want to face—and many harder and heavier things I haven't faced myself, but have watched those I love struggle through. I thought about how frequently these days I lose the sunny perspective that previously came easily to me. But I want to be like the girl in Aunt Rose's painting. I want to move forward and upward, full of hope and joy. I want to be grateful for every day on the covenant path. And this, too, hit me harder than it did when I heard it before:

Great-Aunt Rose continued: “There is enough that doesn’t go right in life, so anyone can work themselves into a puddle of pessimism and a mess of melancholy. But I know people who, even when things don’t work out, focus on the wonders and miracles of life. These folks are the happiest people I know.”

“But,” Eva said, “you can’t just flip a switch and go from sad to happy.”

“No, perhaps not,” Aunt Rose smiled gently, “but God didn’t design us to be sad. He created us to have joy! So if we trust Him, He will help us to notice the good, bright, hopeful things of life. And sure enough, the world will become brighter. No, it doesn’t happen instantly, but honestly, how many good things do?"

I love that. It is simple, but it's not glib or shallow. I have gotten this revelation from my own prayers too, when I've struggled to find optimism or hope. I have asked why it is so easy to feel the hard and heavy things, and to let them dominate my perspective. The answer I got was simple and piercing: "The beautiful and hopeful is there too. But you have to turn your head and look."

President Uchtdorf isn't naive. I'm sure from his own life experiences he knows what he's talking about! It's not that it's easy to be hopeful when life is hard. Of course it takes effort. But it is possible, and God will help us notice those "good, bright, hopeful things of life." We just have to choose it! President Uchtdorf has Great-Aunt Rose say,

"Faith and hope will open your eyes to the happiness that is placed before you."

I like that way of describing it. Even in the hardest of times, the happiness from God is there. But will I open my eyes to it? Will I turn my head and look?

3

Salmon and Aspens

 

Everyone had fond memories of going up to Strawberry Reservoir to see the salmon spawning last year, so I promised the kids we'd try to find a time to do it again. Then we had a bunch of rain (which we love! but it's not conducive to picnics) so we weren't sure if we'd get a clear day to go, but we finally saw a "partly cloudy" morning forecast and decided to take our chances.

The clouds cleared as we drove up Heber Canyon and we even saw some blue sky!

1

Real respite

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday Afternoon Session of the April 2015 Conference.

This conference session feels like not-so-long ago. That will be true more and more often as I go on, I suppose. I can remember clearly how I felt and what I thought when I heard two talks: Elder Anderson's on the Second Coming of Jesus Christ, and President Nelson's on making the Sabbath Day a delight, about which I will write today. Two things I thought back then were:

1. Why on earth is he talking about the Sabbath Day, with all the crazy things going on in the world right now? [Now I can't even remember now what those were, exactly. The legalization of gay marriage, maybe, among other things?]

2. Wow, he sounds different. He is speaking with a new power and authority. 

As for point #2, I don't know if there really was a change in President (then Elder) Nelson's manner or if I just saw him differently, but in the next conference he would be sustained as President as the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, so maybe he was growing into that new role. And I gave point #1 a lot of thought and study for a long time. I gained a new testimony of the power of the Sabbath Day. I came to think of it differently. I started to think about what other small and seemingly unrelated things might actually make deep differences in our world. It was one of those influential talks for me (like many of President Nelson's later talks would also come to be).

Knowing that, it was interesting to read it again, having a bit of a "yes, of course I already know all this" feeling going into it. And even more interesting to come out of it thinking, "Hmm. I should be living this better and I want to make some changes." How can you feel totally committed to a principle and then suddenly realize you are not living up to that principle well at all? That's how gospel progression works, I guess.

Anyway, here are some of my favorite parts of the talk in case you, too, need a refresher and recommitment to making the Sabbath a delight:

I believe [the Savior] wanted us to understand that the Sabbath was His gift to us, granting real respite from the rigors of daily life and an opportunity for spiritual and physical renewal. 

"Real respite"! Is this happening for me? I also love this:

How can you ensure that your behavior on the Sabbath will lead to joy and rejoicing? In addition to your going to church, partaking of the sacrament, and being diligent in your specific call to serve, what other activities would help to make the Sabbath a delight for you? What sign will you give to the Lord to show your love for Him?

and

Faith in God engenders a love for the Sabbath; faith in the Sabbath engenders a love for God. A sacred Sabbath truly is a delight. 

I love President Nelson for his thoughtful, challenging talks, and I'm grateful for the chance to grow more fully in so many basic gospel principles I already know. I hope there will be many more times I read this talk (and others) and find ways I can live up to them better!

0

New stages, a household quiz, and an inexplicable dislike of bows

We played the picture-sentence game for Family Home Evening the other night and everyone could play! And another time we played Pictionary! This is unprecedented. Up till now, there has always been someone having to be made to feel that he or she is participating…someone who gets to be "on Daddy's team"…but hardly ever a game where we can all actually play. It was fun and strange.

0

Campfire and Stone-stackers

Here follows a truly miscellaneous collection of pictures from last month!

0

The Savior, the source of lift

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week I'm jumping into the present to write about the Conference from last weekend, October 2026.

Whew! This General Conference had a lot of talks! I was awake for most of them but I don't know that I truly digested very many of them. Hmm. More study needed! As always. But here are a few random tidbits from my notes.

Elder Jeremiah J. Morgan had an interesting story. Who would have thought we'd have a General Authority who grew up in the Community of Christ (or RLDS or whichever spinoff church it was??). I think it's cool to think of his ancestors gently tugging him back to the Restored Church through the power of their covenants. He said the power of our covenants has a "discernible influence, has no time limit, and can keep working over generations and beyond the grave." Pretty amazing to think about that!

I loved Elder Michael A. Dunn's story about his ultramarathon and his friend Ted who helped him through it. I liked the visual of Ted giving Elder Dunn a happy fist bump while carrying his (Elder Dunn's) waterbottles and backpack! Just like Jesus carries our burdens AND runs the race beside us AND cheers us on for even our small efforts. I gave Teddy a Significant Look when Elder Dunn said that when we have hard races to run, God will "send us a Ted."

I liked Elder Paul H. Sinclair's story about the little boy buttoning his sleeve button to his lapel buttonhole. I could very much envision that happening with any one of my little boys and I almost wished he had used that part of the story as the basis of his talk. ("When we button the sleeves of our pride to the lapels of our insecurity, it constricts our ability to…etc.) But I liked where he did go with it—"Quick to help, slow to judge."

One of my favorite talks: Elder Timothy Farnes who told the story of meeting President Oaks in the temple and feeling so loved and ministered to by him. It seemed a little sad that President Oaks didn't even remember it later, but as I thought about it, in a way that makes it even more meaningful. First of all it shows how constantly the apostles are ministering and loving people they meet. As he said, "It's what we do, isn't it?" But I also liked thinking about how really what was happening in that story was that Jesus was ministering to Elder Farnes—through President Oaks. And Jesus remembers it. I loved how Elder Farnes said "People should experience Jesus Christ in us." And the whole concept of "divine appointments" is something I've been trying hard for a long time to work on. I'm sure I've written about it before—that idea that your "ministering assignment" is the people right in front of you, the people you meet and run up against and interact with in the course of normal life. I loved his story about helping the scared missionary in the airport and want to do what he says—"Pray for eyes to see divine appointments and minister to the person in front of you."

As for the apostles. Well, they were all good, of course! But my favorites were Elder Rasband and Elder Kearon. I loved when Elder Rasband said something like "Jesus has already paid the price for the sins of those we are grieving for. He will bring them home—all the way home." And I loved him saying "Trust Jesus; He's got this!"

I loved Elder Kearon's because I love every word that comes out of that man's mouth including "and" and "the"—but also because it was such a great analogy. I could just feel the idea of lift—of being drawn upward and rising joyously to "soar in the joy of the Lord." I do feel it in gospel service…or I have felt it…but I do not always feel it and I want so much to improve! I want to be able to stop complicating things and just "turn into and toward the Savior, the source of lift." I want to help others feel that same lifting, soaring gospel joy. I want people to see it in me; I want especially my children to see it in me. I don't want to always seem merely exhausted and dutiful and resigned. I want to draw others upward to what the gospel is truly about!

I could write more, but taking my cue from all the newer shorter talks…I will end here!😁

1

What I focus on expands inside of me

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday Morning Session of the April 2015 Conference. 

The talks this session were all SO good. Elder Holland and Elder Uchtdorf both taught profound truths about Jesus's atonement and mercy and grace. Elder Caussé talked about continuing to find joy in and appreciate the wonders of God's plan. And Sister Rosemary M. Wixom and Elder Brent H. Nielson both shared detailed personal stories about friends who had left, and then come back to, faith. I think this was a time when a lot of people were starting to worry about their family members friends leaving the faith. Not that that is a new problem. But it just suddenly seemed to be on everyone's mind (or at least I suddenly became more aware of it). 

I don't remember these specific talks, but honestly back at this time, I didn't always like hearing them. I remember thinking, "Why is it always us who have stayed who have to make the accommodations, forgive, be understanding, be patient, give the benefit of the doubt? Why don't those who have left ever try to do that for us?" Even though I knew (and still know) that disciples of Christ need to live a higher standard, it bothered me a little. I guess I needed, yet again, the lesson of "compared to [Jesus], the two of you aren't that different." Elder Nielson essentially says this too:

As [my son] read the parable of the prodigal son, I heard it differently that day than I had ever heard it before. For some reason, I had always related to the son who stayed home. As David read that morning, I realized that in some ways I was the prodigal son. All of us fall short of the glory of the Father. All of us need the Savior’s Atonement to heal us. All of us are lost and need to be found. This revelation that day helped me know that my sister and I both needed the Savior’s love and His Atonement. Susan and I were actually on the same path back home.

I've always known this intellectually, of course, but with a few more years of life under my belt, and a few more personal connections to faith questions and faith struggles, my understanding of it has deepened at least a little. And I have more of a desire to be Christlike even if it does mean an "unfair" exchange where I'm making more of an effort than the person I'm trying to help. Doesn't all "my" ability and understanding come from God anyway? I love Him because He first loved me. There was nothing "fair" about that exchange, but the benefits (to me) are infinite. I think I am gradually internalizing this.

My favorite part of Sister Wixom's talk was a quote from a Catholic archbishop, something he wrote to Mother Theresa when she was struggling with her own faith. He said, 

God guides you, dear Mother; you are not so much in the dark as you think. The path to be followed may not always be clear at once. Pray for light; do not decide too quickly, listen to what others have to say, consider their reasons. You will always find something to help you. … Guided by faith, by prayer, and by reason with a right intention, you have enough.

I like it because it's such good advice, first of all, and resonates with me in the many, many places I am still in the dark about the gospel and how to live it. In all the ways I am the prodigal seeking more light and stumbling in my journey home, it reassures me that small efforts and faint hopes can be good enough for now. But I also love the generosity of spirit it shows from the speaker's side! His belief in his friend, his calm confidence in her ability to figure things out, his faith in God's love for her, is really beautiful. It's the feeling I want to radiate to those around me who are struggling. Love. Patience. Confidence. For others' sakes and my own, I want to live the gospel with this kind of peace.

Sister Wixom's friend who returned to faith had such a good perspective that applies to any of us:

I can still bear testimony. I will just say those things that I know and trust. It may not be a perfect offering of knowledge, but it will be my offering. What I focus on expands inside of me. It is beautiful to get back to the essence of the gospel and feel clarity.

It's true about my faith. And it's also true about sharing my faith. When I focus on what I love, who I love, and what I'm grateful for, I think I will be such a better and happier disciple of Christ. And I will be able to help Him in His work (on me and on those around me!) so much more effectively!

0

Zig's birthday and our new dog

On Ziggy's birthday, we went to a puppy store near us to play with the puppies, because Ziggy likes dogs. We did NOT intend to come home with one!…And we didn't. Ha ha. But we are trying desperately to convince Malachi that we did! It's very difficult, because he is a terribly suspicious person by nature, not to mention the fact that HE had the idea of trying to convince Abe that we got a dog when Abe was on his mission. Nevertheless, we are doing our best, and perhaps if we just keep it up for long enough he will eventually believe us. (Right now it is mostly just making him annoyed with us and say things like "Stop trying to fool me! I KNOW you didn't get a dog!…or if you did, show him to me!"—at which point we have Teddy walk by the videochat with a stuffed animal in his arms making whimpering sounds—which makes Malachi even more annoyed…which is kind of the point, I suppose!)

0

In the moments we need God

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Priesthood Session of the April 2015 Conference. 

Sometimes I think about, when I pray in the mornings, the times I've been completely blindsided by a trial or a problem—and how when I said my morning prayer on those mornings, I had no idea what challenges would be coming so soon. It makes me almost afraid, as I pray for strength to deal with whatever happens today, to think about that. But it doesn't do any good to be afraid. Those times come for everyone! It's what President Eyring talked about in this conference session: the need to be spiritually fortified and ready always, because we never know when those spiritual reserves will be called upon!

All of us must speak and act in the name of God in moments when our unaided judgment will not be enough without inspiration. Those moments can come upon us when there is not time to make preparation. That has happened to me often.

It's not that I've had so many huge challenges in my life, but that feeling when they come of "Oh no! Not now! I didn't want to have to face this!" is so familiar. And I suppose it's something God wants us to learn, something we need to learn—that even though we may never feel fully "ready" to do something really hard, we can do those hard things by relying on Him. One way President Eyring recommends that we be ready for hard challenges is to be constantly praying and working to have the Spirit with us. I don't think I understood the idea of "pray always" when I was younger. (And I probably still don't, fully.) But since I've become a mother and grown more deeply into the gospel, I've realized how much more often I need to send up little silent prayers for help. I've realized how much more confident I feel, when unexpected challenges do crop up, knowing that I was just recently asking the Lord for strength. President Eyring says:

It is easier to get the proper feeling of reverence when you are kneeling or bowing your head, but it is possible to feel that you are approaching your Heavenly Father in less formal and even in silent prayer, as you will often need to do in your priesthood service. There will be noise and people around you most of your waking day. God hears your silent prayers, but you may have to learn to shut out the distractions because the moment you need the connection with God may not come in quiet times.

I'm still growing into this principle, but I already see its truth. We really do need the Spirit always to be with us. We really do need to pray always. We really do need to walk with Jesus. We just have too many challenges not to! And if that seems scary…well, it's not nearly as scary as the thought of facing those times without feeling that Jesus and the Spirit will be us, helping us!

1

More rain and more sunsets

Every year around the end of summer, the girls get out the tent so they can sleep in the backyard. These poor children have never been "real camping" (except—yes they have—at girls' camp! But not with our family), thanks to DAISY who screamed the whole night last time we went (Sebastian's fifth birthday) and made me vow to never do that again! Ha! Maybe now, sixteen years later, I might consider getting over that traumatic incident? Maybe.

2

Muse, spiral binder, foam

Daisy and Abe and Seb all met up to go to the Muse concert together in August! Seb flew in from Denver. It was Daisy's first concert and Abe's first time hearing Muse live. They all loved it! And they even had nice weather for it. Yay!

1

Keep practicing

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday Afternoon Session of the April 2015 Conference.

There are so many talks I love in this conference session! I just can't choose! And I also can't do justice to them by just talking about pieces of them. But I guess I will just share a few of the things I highlighted because they hit me in the right spot right now:

The peace Christ gives allows us to view mortality through the precious perspective of eternity and supplies a spiritual settledness that helps us maintain a consistent focus on our heavenly destination. Thus, we can be blessed to hush our fears because His doctrine provides purpose and direction in all aspects of our lives. His ordinances and covenants fortify and comfort in times both good and bad.

—Elder Bednar, "Therefore they hushed their fears"

Each individual carries the divine image, but it is in the matrimonial union of male and female as one that we attain perhaps the most complete meaning of our having been made in the image of God—male and female.

—Elder Christofferson, "Why Marriage, Why Family"

The dance steps of the gospel are the things we do; the music of the gospel is the joyful spiritual feeling that comes from the Holy Ghost.…If you’re not hearing the music of the gospel in your home, please remember these two words: keep practicing. With God’s help, the day will come when the music of the gospel will fill your home with unspeakable joy.

—Elder Wilford W. Andersen, "The Music of the Gospel"

As God encourages us to keep on trying, He expects us to also allow others the space to do the same, at their own pace. 

[This talk also has the story of the missionary who is told by the Lord about his slacker companion, "You know, compared to me, the two of you aren’t all that different.” I have probably had that phrase come to my mind about a hundred times in the years since I first heard this talk…maybe more! I think about it all the time.]

—Elder Renlund, "Latter-day Saints Keep on Trying"

In a world where praise, position, power, accolades, and authority are sought on every side, I honor those wonderful and blessed souls who are truly good and without guile, those who are motivated by a love of God and their neighbors, those great women and men who are “more anxious to serve than to have dominion.”

—Elder Michael T. Ringwood, "Truly Good and Without Guile"

All of these talks are so good and any one of them would be well worth a re-read!

0

Butterflies

If you want to see something besides butterflies (and cute people, of course) in this post, you're out of luck! We visited the Butterfly Garden for a Field Trip Day and for some reason the butterflies seemed extra receptive to being held, so all the kids wanted pictures with their butterfly friends. And Daisy got to go with us because her school hadn't started yet! Reason enough to take a few pictures, I say.

Et voilà:

1

Clementine's first day of kindergarten (and a *BONUS DAISY*)

It cannot be, it absolutely cannot be, but it IS. My last child starting school! Oh how I wish I had ten or twelve more coming down the pipeline. (I would be a hundred years old and completely out of my mind by the time they graduated, but never mind that.) But if there must BE a last kindergartner, surely there could be no better one than this bright-eyed, friendly, curious, happy little Clementine! Oh that every teacher in every school could have a class full of girls like her! They would work for free. (Hey…I work for free!) It's so fun (if occasionally a little alarming!) to see what she thinks and what she decides to do about what she thinks!

5

Raspberries, rain, and the last of summer

We liked to pick raspberries every year in August, but last year's harvest was so pathetic we weren't sure it would even be worth it this year! Back in the good old days we used to get 25 or 30 pounds of berries with all of us picking. Last year I think it was 3 pounds😩. Still, we gave it a try. The plants weren't in great shape. The owner of the raspberry patch said the late freeze and the summer heat had been hard on them. But we managed about 11 pounds, so that was pretty good. Enough to make several batches of muffins and a bunch of pie!

1

Starting ballet, and a few other things

Summer came to a close sooner than anyone wanted (actually not true; Junie had read every book in the house and was bored out of her mind and couldn't WAIT to start seminary again, but it was sooner than I wanted!). We had kind of a "soft start" with new ballet classes starting in early August, math classes and seminary in mid-August, and piano lessons (with a new teacher!) at the end of August. I guess it was good because we could get ourselves on schedule bit by bit.

Because the ballet teacher said she would put the classes right next to my big girls' classes, I let Clementine try out ballet this year. She loves it, of course (though she keeps saying "When do I get to do real ballet?"—meaning dance on a stage in a costume) and is so cute hopping around, leaping, and doing pliés with a look of serious concentration on her face.

0

The Three August Birthdays

Three good children born in August. At LEAST three. Daisy turned 17! Her sisters made her a birthday crown.

2

We seek before we find

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday Morning Session of the April 2015 Conference.

I actually hated the story Elder L. Whitney Clayton told in his conference talk (about a little girl who was the only survivor of a plane crash with her family, and had to walk, injured, in the darkness before anyone could help her. It's just too painful to think about) but I guess it is memorable! And I like the message Elder Clayton drew from it. He talked about the different aspects of her courageous journey and how they are like our own journeys through life.

One part that stood out was this sort of inversion of a common scripture:

Alma’s call for us to desire to believe and to “give place” in our hearts for the Savior’s words reminds us that belief and faith require our personal choice and action. We must “awake and arouse [our] faculties.” We ask before it is given unto us; we seek before we find; we knock before it is opened unto us. We are then given this promise: “For every one that asketh, receiveth; and he that seeketh, findeth; and to him that knocketh, it shall be opened.”

I like that emphasis on the uncertain space before we see miracles or even feel peace. It can feel so long and hard! But that is our space to act. (And God is still there even then. We just don't see clearly.) And we can trust Him that our asking, seeking, and knocking will not be ignored.

0

Filling our homes with good

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the General Women's Session of the April 2015 Conference. 

I'm not sure why the women's session appears first in the conference archives for April 2015. Usually the Womens/YW sessions are last. But maybe this was the point where they started counting the Women's Session as part of Conference instead of…whatever they used to consider it. And maybe it took place before the week of the other sessions. Anyway, it means I read two women's sessions in a row, and that was fun!

I think my favorite talk from this session was by Sister Bonnie Oscarson (my friend!…at least, her daughter is my friend)…but the quote that stood out to me was from Sister Cheryl A. Esplin.

When filled with the Spirit and with gospel truth, we have the power to withstand the outside forces of the world that surround and push against us. However, if we are not filled spiritually, we don’t have the inner strength to resist the outside pressures and can collapse when forces push against us.

I just like this analogy. It’s like the parable Jesus told about the evil spirits that came in again to the empty house. I like the idea of proactively filling our homes with so much good, rather than just fearfully trying to keep bad things away.

0

A family sundered!

It was my dear friend Rachael's hour of need! What could I do but go to her? (I do have to admit here that she's had at least two other hours of need during which I was sadly absent. But I am mending my ways!) Rachael's son was getting married and, thanks to Seb's flight benefits, I was in a position to hop on a flight to Edmonton and make myself useful. I brought Goldie (also on the flight benefits this year, as you may recall) to make herself useful as well.

Meanwhile…the rest of the family went to a Nielson Family reunion in Fairview at this place, Hideaway Valley Lodge. I, of course, didn't see it in person, but it looks like a cool place. Sort of four houses joined together by a big sport court/common room in the center. So when they cooked dinner, for example, they were doing it in four different kitchens and then just bringing it all out into the common room to eat. I guess it worked pretty well?

0

Lake Catherine 2026

It's been a year or two since we've done our favorite summer hike. Four years, in fact, I see upon consulting my records! Goodness, where does the time go? We were in Quebec one of those years. In Oregon one of the others, I believe. Still, hard to believe that last time we went (for Daisy's birthday) she was only turning 13! A baby!

0

Pioneer Day, &c.

We often go to my mom's ward's Pioneer Day party on July 24th. They've been doing it since before I was born—homemade ice cream and a pioneer parade for the Primary children. I used to love it so much when I was little. But they didn't have it this year, so we had our own very modest pioneer day celebrations. We made homemade root beer, and homemade bread and butter, and our own homemade ice cream. All delicious!

1

Trip to St. George

When we went on our family trip last year, we thought it might be our last one with Malachi, but since he didn't leave till mid-summer, we managed to fit this year's trip in before he left! A bonus trip with Ky. So good. 

Fortunately, we found a rental house in St. George to make it quick and easy enough to do between everything else that had to happen this summer! 

Unfortunately, that also meant we'd be in St. George in July, which is…not the ideal time to visit. The temperature while we were there was consistently 108º. 

Fortunately, we had a house with a swimming pool!

0

Our place in His kingdom

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the General Women's Session of the October 2014 Conference. 

I find myself thinking about "confidence before God" frequently ever since President Nelson's talk last year. (His last Conference talk! 😢) It's such an interesting idea—the thought that our own lack of confidence is often what keeps us from receiving more from God. You'd think, with pride being such a danger to our souls, that maybe confidence would be dangerous too. And perhaps some kinds are. But not the confidence that lets us boldly approach the throne of grace, because that is based on obedience and trust in God. President Nelson said,

As we diligently seek to have charity and virtue fill our lives, our confidence in approaching God will increase. I invite you to take intentional steps to grow in your confidence before the Lord. Then, as we go to our Heavenly Father with increasing confidence, we will be filled with more joy, and your faith in Jesus Christ will increase. We will begin to experience spiritual power that exceeds our greatest hopes.

As I read the talks from this October 2014 Women's Session, two of them helped me understand that concept better. One was President Uchtdorf's, where he said:

The promised blessings of God to the faithful are glorious and inspiring. Among them are “thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths.” And it takes more than a spiritual birth certificate or a “Child of God Membership Card” to qualify for these incomprehensible blessings.

But how do we attain them?

The Savior has answered this question in our time:

“Except ye abide my law ye cannot attain to this glory.

“For strait is the gate, and narrow the way that leadeth unto the exaltation. …

“… Receive ye, therefore, my law.”

For this reason, we speak of walking the path of discipleship.

We speak of obedience to God’s commandments.

We speak of living the gospel joyfully, with all our heart, might, mind, and soul.

At first glance this seems a little confidence-undermining, if anything: is he saying just being a child of God isn't enough? That's just what we fear, isn't it? We fear that we aren't good or important or chosen enough to receive what God has? But actually Elder Uchtdorf doesn't say anything about "good enough." He says discipleship, obedience, living the gospel. Just like President Nelson's emphasis on virtue, his emphasis here is on what we can do to become like God, and obedience is one of the things we can actually most easily do! Because obedience includes repentance, all it really takes is our own desire and willingness, and then making one effort, one step at a time, according to our best understanding.

But then this, from Sister Jean A. Stevens, made the last connection for me:

Covenants with God help us to know who we really are. They connect us to Him in a personal way through which we come to feel our value in His sight and our place in His kingdom.

Something about this explanation works for me. I know covenants give us power, but in this way they also give us confidence. Keeping covenants helps us (correctly) feel that our place is with God! It's almost like covenants prove to us, when we would otherwise (also maybe correctly) feel those "I can't possibly be good or important or chosen enough" feelings, that we DO belong with our Heavenly Father. We belong there because we've chosen to get on the path to get there! Sort of like you wouldn't be afraid to ask your piano teacher for help learning a piano piece. That fact that you couldn't already play the piece wouldn't stop you; that's the whole reason you're there. Your clumsiness and your ignorance as you first try to fumble through the notes wouldn't make you think, "Oh, I shouldn't be here. I can't play for my piano teacher sounding like this!" You'd know that you already signed up for lessons. Your teacher is sitting there next to you for the entire purpose of helping you be a better pianist. Why not show him exactly where you are and ask him the questions that will help you improve?

Our covenants with God can work the same way. "Of course I should ask God my questions, I'm going to him for 'godhood lessons.' Why wouldn't He want to hear from me? We're already in a contractual relationship where I asked Him to help me and He agreed He always would!" Obviously He is a Father too, and loves us always, but as Elder Uchtdorf said that fact alone doesn't necessarily reassure us. It's our virtue (as President Nelson says) and our discipleship (as President Uchtdorf says) and our covenants that prove (to us ourselves!) that we not only can approach God for help, but we definitely have the right to!

2

Peace will radiate out from you

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday Afternoon Session of the October 2014 Conference.

Here's a great promise about scripture study from Elder Richard G. Scott. I love it because it's so surprisingly broad and also so personal:

As you dedicate time every day, personally and with your family, to the study of God’s word, peace will prevail in your life. That peace won’t come from the outside world. It will come from within your home, from within your family, from within your own heart. It will be a gift of the Spirit. It will radiate out from you to influence others in the world around you. You will be doing something very significant to add to the cumulative peace in the world.

1

Pre-Ky-goodbye July

Various and sundry things occupied us as the days sped by toward Malachi's departure! We went to the new "Inside a Temple" Experience at Temple Square. It was really good. They have built a sort of mini-temple under the visitor's center and you actually get to go through it and see what the different rooms look like. We loved it! I'm so glad people who have never been inside a temple will get to see it! (You can even take pictures inside, but I didn't.)

1

Wherefore murmur ye because that ye shall receive more of my word?

(Forgive the slight irreverence of this post's title; I was referencing my post about my previous book!)

Well! Amidst six months in Quebec, two weddings and an engagement, three missionaries, and a million other things that make up our real lives, Rachael and I somehow finished our second book! It took us four years this time (I think our last book was three; at this rate we only have a couple more left in us before we become too senile to write) and it included two rather lengthy periods of getting burned out and basically giving up on it altogether. But the beauty of having a co-author is that you can't just wallow in your own discouragement forever, and one or the other of us always eventually said, "Shall we just try a slight rewrite of this part…?" and got us going again.

This book is a Scarlet Pimpernel re-telling, in the same magical "world" as our other book—though it takes place before that one and isn't connected to it. After all this time, both Rachael and I still like it, which is more than I can say for some things I've written!

1

Love for the prophet is a gift from God

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday Morning Session of the October 2014 Conference.

I liked this simple quote from President Eyring in this week's Conference:

Don’t take lightly the feeling you get of love for the prophet of God. Wherever I go in the Church, whoever the prophet is at the time, members will ask, “When you get back to Church headquarters, will you please tell the prophet how much we love him?”

That is far more than hero worship or the feelings we sometimes have of admiring heroic figures. It is a gift from God. With it you will receive more easily the gift of confirming revelation when he speaks in his office as the Lord’s prophet. The love you feel is the love the Lord has for whoever is His spokesman.

Since I've been an adult at least, I think I have always grown to love the current prophet. I haven't really known how I get to that point—maybe just by hearing so many of his talks over the years, and learning little details about him. But I didn't realize that feeling of love was a gift from God. And I didn't know that "with it you will receive more easily the gift of confirming revelation when he speaks." I love to know that! And it makes sense. You learn to listen to your parents because you love your parents. You give a teacher's words more weight when you love that teacher. You trust counsel from a friend when you love that friend. So of course love can help us listen to the prophet better—but I think it's cool that with the prophet, it's more than just "I respect this guy; I'll hear him out"—it's actually a spiritual gift that can protect us from Satan's traps. And it's something we can strive for even when it doesn't come as naturally:

That [feeling of love] is not easy to feel continually because the Lord often asks His prophets to give counsel that is hard for people to accept. The enemy of our souls will try to lead us to take offense and to doubt the prophet’s calling from God.

I have seen how the Holy Ghost can touch a softened heart to protect a humble disciple of Jesus Christ with confirming revelation.

Enemies of the church (and even some people within the church) would twist this idea into "never question what the prophet says," and they'd scoff at it. But that's not what President Eyring says at all. He says that when we start from a position of "I love the prophet, and He is God's spokesman," it actually gives us more clarity and more power to get revelation to discern for ourselves whether what he is saying is true. And in a way, that's how it works even with Heavenly Father Himself! When we love Him, and react to challenges or commandments as if they are coming from someone we love, it helps us see things as they really are. It helps us keep responding with trust when we're confused. It helps us be a little more patient with apparent unfairness. Our love for God is truly a gift for us! And so is our love for God's prophet.

1

All the camps

Someday June will not be full of camps for us. This year was not that year. And knowing Malachi would be leaving for his mission this summer (but not when) made everything feel a little more frantic. It was our stake's year for FSY, and Ky decided to go one more time, but he went the last week of May to make sure it wouldn't interfere with his mission. The girls (Daisy and Junie) wanted to go to FSY early in June also to avoid conflicting with YW camp, but that meant they had to go to Snow College instead of the much-more-convenient BYU. And Malachi had all kinds of last-camping-trips and last-time-with-this-friend events he wanted to do in addition to our own family trip we were hoping to fit in. Whew! It makes me tired just remembering it.

3

A seriousness of purpose

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Priesthood Session of the October 2014 Conference.

I was struck by the tone of some of these Conference talks, especially Elder Cook's and Elder Uchtdorf's. I don't even know quite what I want to say about it. President Uchtdorf never sounds mean or judgmental. He is always full of love. (Maybe that's why he can call people to repentance!) But these two talks were very much of the sober, arise-my-sons-and-be-men, call-to-repentance variety. And I feel like I just don't hear that very much lately! Is it just my perception? (You do hear people say things like "when I was young, the church was a lot more hard-line" or "when I was young we didn't focus on the Atonement as much," and I don't know if that's really true—I find, reading these old talks, that there is a lot more love and mercy and grace preached than people give the "old church" credit for.) Or possibly there really is a shift away from this strong, firm tone in conference talks today? [Okay, I looked through the most recent Conference. And there are several talks that do have a "we need to do better!" sort of tone, even if it's not said outright. So I think maybe I am just exaggerating the generational shift.]

Anyway, I of course dislike being scolded as much as the next guy, but there's something I really like about this gentle-but-also-deadly-serious talk. Maybe it makes me feel like the gospel is real—like we really need to start living better now and there's no time for messing around. And that makes me feel like the Second Coming of Jesus Christ really is actually going to come soon, and I like believing that! But I also know that for some people, a call-to-repentance talk makes them feel guilty and paralyzed and want to give up altogether. (But is that just because they don't sense the love of God behind these calls? I don't know.) 

Well, whatever the reason, this is the quote that felt most powerful to me from Elder Cook's talk:

I encourage everyone, young and old, to review goals and objectives and strive to exercise greater discipline. Our daily conduct and choices should be consistent with our goals. We need to rise above rationalizations and distractions. It is especially important to make choices consistent with our covenants to serve Jesus Christ in righteousness. We must not take our eyes off or drop that ball for any reason.…

This life is the time to prepare to meet God. We are a happy, joyous people. We appreciate a good sense of humor and treasure unstructured time with friends and family. But we need to recognize that there is a seriousness of purpose that must undergird our approach to life and all our choices.

I feel this in my life more and more. Not every moment. Sometimes I still just want to relax and do something easier for a while. But in general, I feel more serious about each little thing because I'm starting to recognize how little time I have left (with my kids specifically, but honestly even on earth!). I was just telling my kids how when I do get a few minutes to practice the piano these days, I do it so differently than when I was young. Now I just want to do whatever it takes to actually learn the piece right! Why would I keep playing fast without stopping, just so I can make the same mistakes over again the next time? Why would I put in almost enough work to make it good and then just hurry past the difficult parts hoping no one will notice the sloppiness or the missed notes? That feels like such a waste to me. I don't want to sound "good enough." I want to actually master the music. I want to actually know the piece—for my fingers to know it, for my mind to know it, to understand what it means to me and what I am trying to create when I play it. Obviously I have time limitations and technique limitations so I can't actually just play everything perfectly, and that's fine, but if I AM practicing, I have no desire to just go through the motions so I can say "I spent an hour on it!" Who cares the time it took. I want the music to SOUND like I want it to sound.

And I feel something similar for the gospel. Of course, like anyone, I rush through my prayers sometimes and I fall asleep while reading my scriptures and going to the temple, and I get fed up with my kids and think "why do I always have to be the one who apologizes and forgives?" But at least more than when I was younger, I'm not interested in justifying that behavior or trying to gloss over it. I actually do want Heavenly Father to "refiner's fire" it out of me. 

And I just feel serious about discipleship! Even in the midst of really not liking something and not wanting to go through it, I usually manage to think with some part of myself, "But…if this is the cost of becoming like God, I am willing to go through it." I see my growing children and I see the lives of other people who are struggling and suffering and I just think, "I'm not interested in going through all the hard things in life pointlessly. I only want to do this if there's a purpose in it! Sure it's a lot of work to follow Jesus. But it's work that gets you somewhere! It's work with a beautiful end result! Why would I want to have an easier life that won't end up being as fulfilling or meaningful in the end?"

2