Love, protection, and tenderness

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday Morning Session of the April 2002 Conference.

I liked Elder Packer's talk called "Children." It seemed like more of a long musing than a talk. He talked about children he'd seen in different countries, the poverty and hardships they experienced, and how much he thought of them and worried for them. It was sweet. And I liked this quote:

Nothing compares with a father who is responsible and in turn teaches his children responsibility. Nothing compares with a mother who is present with them to comfort them and give them assurance. Love, protection, and tenderness are all of consummate worth.

It feels simple and achievable. Not a mother who does everything right. Not a mother who is always patient. Just one who is "present with them to comfort them," who can love and assure them when things are hard.

Other posts in this series:

"Follow Me"—by Rozy

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Portraits of Teddy

 

Teddy's at such an interesting age right now. I look at pictures from even six months ago and he looks so young! He's changing and growing up every second. He got glasses recently, he has braces now (not in these pictures), and he's getting so smart and so inquisitive. Somewhere in the past year he stopped being a little kid and became…I don't know what. Whatever he is now. A schoolboy, I guess. A smart, funny schoolboy. He reminds me of Abe…a little. His seriousness, his love of reading, his constant questions. But he's snugglier and more sensitive and just…more Teddyish. I'm glad I got some pictures before he suddenly turns into a man!

Eager

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Portraits of Ziggy

Ah, Ziggy. I always say it, but he is one of a kind. All right—yes—he reminds me of little Sebby. A lot, actually. But he isn't quite like Sebby. He's got all of Sebby's independence and intense inward-focused imagination, but he's also got little Malachi's friendliness and hospitality and delight in conversing with people. He loves to explain things, and it's so fun to watch him get excited about something he's built or drawn or learned! He's also a busy guy, so he doesn't have a lot of time to sit around being photographed. But, I did what I could!

What beautiful brown eyes Ziggy has! Can you believe we had to have seven other children before getting a brown-eyed one? I'm so glad we finally did.

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Portraits of Gus-Gus

I used to take pictures like this every now and then—just a whole bunch of shots while one of the kids talked to me. I love the different expressions that pass over their faces in just one conversation. But I haven't done it for a long time, and while I have lots of pictures of these little boys, I don't have portraits of them! I don't know what's stopping me. It doesn't matter what they're wearing or how messy their hair is—they just look so cute and I love to have a record of their sweet faces!

Sly smile

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True to our endowment as mothers

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Relief Society Session of the October 2001 Conference. 

I loved this Relief Society Session when I first heard it. And I still love it. But it's interesting to notice how unusual the theme of the session feels now. It seems like I haven't heard so many unashamedly woman-focused, motherhood-focused talks for a long time! It makes me miss the women's sessions of conference. I loved the concentrated focus on topics that applied specifically to our roles as women.

I suppose some of the shift away from that focus in recent years has been an attempt to make sure unmarried women, or women without children, don't feel unneeded in the kingdom of God. But as I re-read these talks, it was clear that church leaders back then were already making that attempt. I saw again how careful and conscious the speakers were not to leave anyone out. They weren't at all oblivious to the pain of women who didn't "fit the mold." In fact, they were quick to point out the things all women share as gifts from God. That was the entire point of Sheri Dew's talk, "Are We Not All Mothers?", which remains one of my favorite talks ever! I wasn't a literal mother yet when I heard this talk (Abe was born about a year later), but something inside me responded and rejoiced at the doctrine of motherhood she taught. It was formative for my ideas of what women are and what we do!

Here are some of the truths Sister Dew taught:

Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us.…

[Women] are born with an inherent right, an inherent authority, to be the saviors of human souls … and the regenerating force in the lives of God’s children.”…

[Eve] set an example of womanhood for men to respect and women to follow, modeling the characteristics with which we as women have been endowed: heroic faith, a keen sensitivity to the Spirit, an abhorrence of evil, and complete selflessness. Like the Savior, “who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross," Eve, for the joy of helping initiate the human family, endured the Fall. She loved us enough to help lead us.

Sometimes I've heard women complain about being taught things like this because it makes them feel guilty when they don't measure up. I get that. But it's not because they make me feel good about myself that I love these doctrines! If anything they make me very conscious of where I fall short. Heroic faith? Complete selflessness? I'm so far away from those things. But to think that I am capable of those things gives me such hope. 

I remember President Nelson giving a talk a while ago about "the joy of the saints." He quoted this same scripture Sheri Dew quotes, about how the Savior focused on joy as he endured the cross. I found it so motivating and so meaningful to think about the commandment to seek joy in any circumstance! Then, a few months later we had a Relief Society lesson on his talk, and the entire discussion centered on how it was "okay to feel sadness" and we shouldn't try to be happy all the time because no one could, and we shouldn't feel guilty about that. Maybe the points were valid, but as I sat in that lesson, I felt the opposite of the hope and determination I'd felt when I heard the talk. I felt like the discussion was missing and even undercutting the entire purpose of the talk—to help us rise above what "came naturally" and seek for a better way.

It's the same with motherhood. Being a mother has shown me in painful clarity my many weaknesses. It's challenged me and stretched me as nothing else has. But striving for the ideals of "heroic faith, a keen sensitivity to the Spirit, an abhorrence of evil, and complete selflessness" in the face of my inclinations to the contrary, and believing that I can actually reach those ideals because they're part of my divine birthright, has been so important for me!

Sister Dew says:

Never has there been a greater need for righteous mothers—mothers who bless their children with a sense of safety, security, and confidence about the future, mothers who teach their children where to find peace and truth and that the power of Jesus Christ is always stronger than the power of the adversary. Every time we build the faith or reinforce the nobility of a young woman or man, every time we love or lead anyone even one small step along the path, we are true to our endowment and calling as mothers and in the process we build the kingdom of God. No woman who understands the gospel would ever think that any other work is more important or would ever say, “I am just a mother,” for mothers heal the souls of men.

I feel like this is only more true today than it was when she said it. And I'm not doing it as well as I want to. I worry all the time that I haven't sufficiently taught my children where to find peace and truth! But I don't know how I'd hold on at all if I didn't think God had given special gifts to mothers, if I didn't believe in our special role and important mission. I need these doctrines to give me strength to keep striving for the ideal!

Then she concludes, 

We just can’t let the Lord down. And if the day comes when we are the only women on earth who find nobility and divinity in motherhood, so be it. For mother is the word that will define a righteous woman made perfect in the highest degree of the celestial kingdom, a woman who has qualified for eternal increase in posterity, wisdom, joy, and influence.

I know the truth about the importance of motherhood is still a key part of our doctrine in the church. But sometimes I worry that even among church members, it's being downplayed or denigrated. And if WE aren't "the only women on earth who find nobility and divinity in motherhood," who will be left? I hope so much that I can find a way to give my daughters the gift of belief in their divine purpose and identity as mothers—whether they have children in this life or not. I believe in it myself, and I hope that will come through to them even when my actions fall short!

Other posts in this series: Are we not all mothers?—by Rozy

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The moon in June fits neatly in the spoon

I love summer. I love the long, late evenings. Waiting too long to start dinner. Kids playing outside past bedtime. Watching the sunset from the hill. It's just always over too fast, is all. But let's not think about that. Here's some stuff we did as summer began…

Seb on the hill

Twin hair. (Okay, it's not all stuff we DID. Just random pictures, I should have said.)

———

We had a Civil War Unit Celebration to wrap up our last school unit of the year. I got big hoop skirts for the girls to wear under their dress-up dresses! It was so fun!

They even dressed Clementine up, in this only-slightly-too-big…medieval-style…dress

Lovely ladies

Daisy did everyone's hair. This is Goldie's.

Daisy's

And Junie's. (Or possibly Junie did her own hair?)

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Graduation Festivities

Herriman High had a graduation parade for the seniors on the morning of graduation. It's weird being part of all these public school things suddenly, after feeling so apart from them most of the time! (Seb has been in public school from 10th-12th grade.) For the parade, the seniors just get in their cars and drive (or get driven) slowly around the block to the high school. Some cars were sort of decorated…but mostly not. Ha! I thought it was going to be dumb but we went anyway because my kids might like it. And it was fun! Surprisingly fun. Lots of the seniors threw candy (which I don't think they were supposed to, but oh well) so the kids were super excited about that. And there were lots of police cars and police motorcycles, which put Ziggy in heaven. 

Bubbles

The parade cars were going so slowly and the street was so small that we could wave and talk to the students in each of them. The kids waved and said "hi" to everyone. It was cute.

"Hiiiiii!"

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"Cinderella"

The girls were in the ballet "Cinderella" as well as a contemporary show this spring. It's super fun to see how much they keep improving. They had such pretty costumes, too!

I can't even remember what they were in these costumes. Shopkeepers? Hatmakers? Fan merchants? Something like that.

These costumes were for Royal Guests at the Prince's Ball. I think. The ballet manages to add quite a lot of characters to the story of Cinderella. :) I love it, though. Prokofiev's music is the best. My second-favorite ballet, after his "Romeo and Juliet."

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The frequency of our appeals

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday Afternoon Session of the October 2001 Conference. 

I think I pray, in general, a lot more than I used to. I suppose it's partly because I just need strength so much more often—and partly because my idea of what a prayer is and how to do it has expanded greatly over the years. I snatch prayers in practically every available little moment, and I seek those moments—in the car, while hanging out clothes, while waiting for a meeting to start. I've become really good at finding those "creative" prayer times because the "usual" prayer times (when I get out of and get into bed!) are often busy or hurried or half-asleep. My actual on-my-knees prayers are often my worst ones!

I thought about this as I read Elder L. Tom Perry's counsel: 

Throughout my mission, I prayed with my companion each morning as we began a new day. The process was repeated each night before we retired. We offered a prayer before we studied, a prayer as we left our apartment to go out tracting, and, of course, special prayers when special guidance was needed to direct our missionary work. The frequency of our appeals to our Father in Heaven gave us strength and courage to press forward in the work to which we had been called. Answers would come, sometimes in astonishingly direct and positive ways. The guidance of the Holy Spirit seemed to be magnified the more times we appealed to the Lord for direction on a given day.

As I look back on my life following my mission, I realize that there were periods when I was able to maintain the same closeness to the Lord that I experienced in the mission field. There were also periods when the world seemed to creep in and I was less consistent and faithful with my prayers.

Wouldn’t this be a good time for a little self-evaluation to determine if we still have the same relationship with our Father in Heaven that we enjoyed in the mission field? If the world has diverted us from the practice of prayer, we then have lost a great spiritual power. Maybe it is time that we rekindle our missionary spirit through more frequent, consistent, and mighty prayer.

I can certainly work on the "consistent and mighty prayer" part, but it did comfort me to hear him talk about how even the simple frequency of prayer was a tool to unlock strength and courage. I have found it to be true that even a short, snatched prayer on the ten minute-drive between the high school and home can change my focus and bring me peace to go on. And a prayer in the shower or on a walk around the block to track down Ziggy (haha), while it doesn't seem powerful the way a prayer in the temple does—is at least good at reminding me who I am and what my purpose is. So it's reassuring to hear that enough of these little squeezed-in, interrupted prayers really can—together—significantly magnify the Holy Spirit and its power to improve my life!

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Every ounce of patience

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday Morning Session of the October 2001 Conference. 

Somehow in three different places this week I've run into the idea that Jesus served others when it was inconvenient. Clearly it's a truth I needed to hear—that true service usually requires interrupting our own plans, our own comfort, in order to minister when ministering is most needed. Coincidentally (ha ha), this is also a week where I've thought over and over again, "Now? I don't want to do this now! It's so late!/I'm so tired!/I'm not feeling patient enough!/I'm in the middle of something! I didn't start out this day wanting it to go like this!" And yet, whether I like it or not, there these trials and opportunities have been…waiting to see what I will do with them.

Sister Sharon G. Larsen tells this story about her dad:

I used to farm with my dad. I didn’t always enjoy it, but when lunchtime came we’d sit in the shade of the tall poplar trees, eat our lunch, and talk. My dad didn’t use this as a golden teaching moment to lay down the law and straighten out his daughter. We just talked—about anything and everything.

This was the time I could ask questions. I felt so safe I could even ask questions that might provoke him. I remember asking him, “Why did you embarrass me in front of my friends last week when I had stayed out too late and you came and got me?”

His answer leads to another aspect of love. He wasn’t being arbitrary. There were certain standards of behavior I was expected to live. He said, “Having you out late worried me. Above all, I want you safe.” I realized his love for me was stronger than his desire for sleep or the inconvenience of getting dressed and driving down the road looking for me.

Whether it is a hayfield or other casual places, those times together can fill the reservoir for other times that may not be as idyllic and serene. Relationships stay intact with this kind of investment—in spite of hard doctrine and correction—or maybe because of it.

I like the idea of filling a reservoir which can then be drawn on during the less "idyllic and serene" times (to put it mildly) (though sometimes I wonder if there could even be a reservoir large enough for some of the times I've encountered lately!). And then here's this idea I keep running into:

Love is listening when they are ready to talk—midnight, 6 a.m. on their way to seminary, or when you’re busy with your urgencies.

This was really good too:

One of the greatest tests for parents and leaders is to love the one who seems to be unlovable. This is tough duty. It stretches the heartstrings and wrenches the soul. When heartbroken parents pray for help, the help often comes in the form of angel aunts or uncles, grandmas or grandpas, good friends, and leaders surrounding our loved one. They can reinforce our very message that may put our child on the track we’ve been praying for.…

I close with my testimony that we are not alone in this sacred trust of parenting, loving, and leading. There is no greater joy. It is worth every sacrifice, every inconvenient minute, every ounce of patience, personal discipline, and endurance. “If God be for us, who can be against us?”

I've felt this so much—my patience measured out ounce by painful ounce (and far too soon depleted). But I have to trust that just piling up these inconvenient minutes, day by day, year after year, in patience and endurance and love, will eventually lead to, as Sister Larsen says, the greatest joy!

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