This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Relief Society Session of the October 2001 Conference.
I loved this Relief Society Session when I first heard it. And I still love it. But it's interesting to notice how unusual the theme of the session feels now. It seems like I haven't heard so many unashamedly woman-focused, motherhood-focused talks for a long time! It makes me miss the women's sessions of conference. I loved the concentrated focus on topics that applied specifically to our roles as women.
I suppose some of the shift away from that focus in recent years has been an attempt to make sure unmarried women, or women without children, don't feel unneeded in the kingdom of God. But as I re-read these talks, it was clear that church leaders back then were already making that attempt. I saw again how careful and conscious the speakers were not to leave anyone out. They weren't at all oblivious to the pain of women who didn't "fit the mold." In fact, they were quick to point out the things all women share as gifts from God. That was the entire point of Sheri Dew's talk, "Are We Not All Mothers?", which remains one of my favorite talks ever! I wasn't a literal mother yet when I heard this talk (Abe was born about a year later), but something inside me responded and rejoiced at the doctrine of motherhood she taught. It was formative for my ideas of what women are and what we do!
Here are some of the truths Sister Dew taught:
Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us.…[Women] are born with an inherent right, an inherent authority, to be the saviors of human souls … and the regenerating force in the lives of God’s children.”…[Eve] set an example of womanhood for men to respect and women to follow, modeling the characteristics with which we as women have been endowed: heroic faith, a keen sensitivity to the Spirit, an abhorrence of evil, and complete selflessness. Like the Savior, “who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross," Eve, for the joy of helping initiate the human family, endured the Fall. She loved us enough to help lead us.
Sometimes I've heard women complain about being taught things like this because it makes them feel guilty when they don't measure up. I get that. But it's not because they make me feel good about myself that I love these doctrines! If anything they make me very conscious of where I fall short. Heroic faith? Complete selflessness? I'm so far away from those things. But to think that I am capable of those things gives me such hope.
I remember President Nelson giving a talk a while ago about "the joy of the saints." He quoted this same scripture Sheri Dew quotes, about how the Savior focused on joy as he endured the cross. I found it so motivating and so meaningful to think about the commandment to seek joy in any circumstance! Then, a few months later we had a Relief Society lesson on his talk, and the entire discussion centered on how it was "okay to feel sadness" and we shouldn't try to be happy all the time because no one could, and we shouldn't feel guilty about that. Maybe the points were valid, but as I sat in that lesson, I felt the opposite of the hope and determination I'd felt when I heard the talk. I felt like the discussion was missing and even undercutting the entire purpose of the talk—to help us rise above what "came naturally" and seek for a better way.
It's the same with motherhood. Being a mother has shown me in painful clarity my many weaknesses. It's challenged me and stretched me as nothing else has. But striving for the ideals of "heroic faith, a keen sensitivity to the Spirit, an abhorrence of evil, and complete selflessness" in the face of my inclinations to the contrary, and believing that I can actually reach those ideals because they're part of my divine birthright, has been so important for me!
Sister Dew says:
Never has there been a greater need for righteous mothers—mothers who bless their children with a sense of safety, security, and confidence about the future, mothers who teach their children where to find peace and truth and that the power of Jesus Christ is always stronger than the power of the adversary. Every time we build the faith or reinforce the nobility of a young woman or man, every time we love or lead anyone even one small step along the path, we are true to our endowment and calling as mothers and in the process we build the kingdom of God. No woman who understands the gospel would ever think that any other work is more important or would ever say, “I am just a mother,” for mothers heal the souls of men.
I feel like this is only more true today than it was when she said it. And I'm not doing it as well as I want to. I worry all the time that I haven't sufficiently taught my children where to find peace and truth! But I don't know how I'd hold on at all if I didn't think God had given special gifts to mothers, if I didn't believe in our special role and important mission. I need these doctrines to give me strength to keep striving for the ideal!
Then she concludes,
We just can’t let the Lord down. And if the day comes when we are the only women on earth who find nobility and divinity in motherhood, so be it. For mother is the word that will define a righteous woman made perfect in the highest degree of the celestial kingdom, a woman who has qualified for eternal increase in posterity, wisdom, joy, and influence.
I know the truth about the importance of motherhood is still a key part of our doctrine in the church. But sometimes I worry that even among church members, it's being downplayed or denigrated. And if WE aren't "the only women on earth who find nobility and divinity in motherhood," who will be left? I hope so much that I can find a way to give my daughters the gift of belief in their divine purpose and identity as mothers—whether they have children in this life or not. I believe in it myself, and I hope that will come through to them even when my actions fall short!
Other posts in this series: Are we not all mothers?—by Rozy
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