It was the load

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday Morning Session of the April 2014 Conference.

How can I even choose which talk to write about this week? Two of them are talks I've already returned to over and over. ("Grateful in Any Circumstance" by Elder Uchtdorf and "Bear Up Their Burdens with Ease" by Elder Bednar.) When I look at them in the gospel library app they are full of my highlights and comments from multiple years. I seem to learn different things from them every time I read them. But, I guess this time I will focus on a few quotes from Elder Bednar.

As I've read his talk over the years, I've often wondered about these questions he tells us to ask ourselves:

“Is the load I am carrying producing the spiritual traction that will enable me to press forward with faith in Christ on the strait and narrow path and avoid getting stuck? Is the load I am carrying creating sufficient spiritual traction so I ultimately can return home to Heavenly Father?”

I've wondered about it because it seems that we largely do not determine our own loads! So what good does it do to ask ourselves if they are creating sufficient traction? Isn't it God who decides the trials and circumstances we must face? But I suppose some of it is what we’ve taken on ourselves—obligations or worries we need not have. Perhaps we could shed those. Or maybe some loads are sin and guilt, which we need not carry—but we do need to carry the load of honorable obligations, like our obligations to take care of our families.

On this reading I thought maybe the emphasis was on the "creating traction" part, though. Even if we don't choose what loads we carry (or we don't fully choose them), maybe we can choose the amount of "traction" they are giving us. I tried to think of ways we might do that. Maybe it means we choose to take on responsibilities and efforts that are spiritually helpful—like accepting callings and taking ministering assignments seriously, and choosing to form families and have children if we can, knowing that kind of "load" will definitely help us progress.

I also like the idea that choosing to love more people, allowing more people into the circle of those we care for and feel responsible for, would be a righteous increase of our individual loads and would surely generate more "traction." In President Monson's talk, he included a quote from President Kimball that I feel like I've been looking for my whole life. I've heard the idea in other talks but I didn't know there was a specific quote from a prophet about it:

We must remember that those mortals we meet in parking lots, offices, elevators, and elsewhere are that portion of mankind God has given us to love and to serve. It will do us little good to speak of the general brotherhood of mankind if we cannot regard those who are all around us as our brothers and sisters.

Once I got to maybe my fourth or fifth baby, I started to glimpse the actual weight of the choice we were making to have more children. I realized how much more we were taking on than a few more years of diapers or a few more years of sleepless nights. And when you think of having stewardship over even more people than your own family, it's easy to get a little gun-shy and start to think, "I can't afford to care about any more people! It's too hard and there's too much potential for heartache!" But it's also clear that "the portion of mankind God has given us to love and serve" can constitute an important part of our individual traction-giving load (the "joyful burden of discipleship" I was just writing about recently)—if we accept it and choose to carry it willingly.

It also seems clear that carrying our load, whatever it is, with Jesus, will instantly give us more traction. Elder Bednar says, 

"In essence, the Savior is beckoning us to rely upon and pull together with Him, even though our best efforts are not equal to and cannot be compared with His. As we trust in and pull our load with Him during the journey of mortality, truly His yoke is easy and His burden is light."

I get a little frustrated with the idea of "share your burden with the Lord!" because it seems so nebulous HOW to do it! Just saying "I hereby cast my burden on the Lord!" doesn't work. But it's also probably simpler than it seems. Maybe we invite Him to share our load by telling Him about it in prayer. And we also do it by making covenants, as Elder Bednar explains here. Maybe sharing our burdens with Jesus also means trusting that already He is there bearing some of the weight, even when we can’t tell for sure because we still feel tired and heavy. I’m sure Jesus is already lightening my load in so many ways, but sometimes I don't appreciate it and thank Him.

Elder Bednar also says this:

As we are yoked with Him through sacred covenants and receive the enabling power of His Atonement in our lives, we increasingly will seek to understand and live according to His will. We also will pray for the strength to learn from, change, or accept our circumstances rather than praying relentlessly for God to change our circumstances according to our will.

That made me think about how we might gain "traction" while carrying our loads by deciding to act deliberately against the “natural man” and to surrender ease and comfort in favor of growth and knowledge. By thanking God for hard things. By trusting Him to turn all things for our good. By specifically asking the Elder Scott-ish questions of "What can I learn from this?" and "Is there more I can learn?" All those choices would lead us to more power through covenants, and therefore increase our ability to progress in becoming like God.

2

Your power to become

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Priesthood Session of the April 2014 Conference.

This was the priesthood session where President Oaks gave his wonderful talk "The Keys and Authority of the Priesthood" which has become such a fundamental part of how I understand my relationship to God's power and authority. I love that talk. But my quotes for today come from a different speaker, Elder Randall L. Ridd. He talks about the importance of our desires in shaping who we become, which is always a subject that has interested me. Elder Maxwell talked a lot about it. Maybe it was something he said that made me think the main purpose of education is to educate our desires—what we like, what fascinates us, what we wish for—so that we learn to want what God wants.

Elder Ridd brings up an interesting measure of desire:

The Internet also records your desires, expressed in the form of searches and clicks. There are legions waiting to fill those desires. As you surf the Internet, you leave tracks—what you communicate, where you have been, how long you have been there, and the kinds of things that interest you. In this way, the Internet creates a cyber profile for you—in a sense, your “cyber book of life.” As in life, the Internet will give you more and more of what you seek. If your desires are pure, the Internet can magnify them, making it ever easier to engage in worthy pursuits. But the opposite is also true.

Then he says:

My young brothers, if you are not proactive in educating your desires, the world will do it for you. Every day the world seeks to influence your desires, enticing you to buy something, click on something, play something, read or watch something. Ultimately, the choice is yours. You have agency. It is the power to not only act on your desires but also to refine, purify, and elevate your desires. Agency is your power to become. Each choice takes you closer to or further from what you are meant to become; each click has meaning. Always ask yourself, “Where will this choice lead?”

I love the idea that agency is our power to become. The question isn't whether we can change. It is what we will choose to change (or be changed?) into. 

0

Senior Pictures for Daisy

In April I took graduation photos for my niece who was graduating from BYU, and Daisy came with me as an assistant to help smooth windblown hair and cheer up fussy babies and so forth. (Sweet Parker was never fussy though, bless him.) While we were there I took some pictures of Daisy too, since she'll be a BYU Student herself come September!

1

"Seasons" ballet

 

You would think everyone would have been all balleted out after "Giselle," but the girls' studio did another show too because none of the youngest classes got to have parts in Giselle! This one was more of a recital format (loosely held together with the theme of "Seasons") and it was fun because the older girls could choose more of what they wanted to do, and Daisy got to do a "Senior Solo" since she is graduating this year! She danced a solo from "La Corsaire" and wore this beautiful costume. It was bittersweet to see her dancing her (probably) last solo! When we tried out ballet classes just for fun during the Pandemic, I never knew she would become such an accomplished dancer in just a few short years. This is a part of her life she'll be sad to leave behind!

1

Lots of good things that happened in May

We had a happy visit with "our sisters," our missionaries from Quebec, long since home and now one of them is even engaged (thwarting our plans to marry her off to Abe, grrr)

2

Snatches of life

 

Who are those hooligans running across the road as Sam and I drive off for our date night? And what are they running to? I'll tell you: it's a Lamborghini that was parked by someone's house. We told Teddy and Ziggy we'd seen it and they (and then of course Gus and Clementine too) went running off to see for themselves.

0

Find some way to trust them

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday Afternoon Session of the April 2014 Conference.

Elder Scott's talk in this session was characteristically piercing. It was called "I have given you an example" but I'd summarize it more as being about How to guide and influence those we love (such a needed topic!).

Here are some little bits I liked:

• Both Grandmother Whittle and Jeanene loved me enough to share their conviction that the ordinances of the gospel and serving Father in Heaven would bless my life. Neither of them coerced me or made me feel bad about the person I was. They simply loved me and loved Father in Heaven. Both knew He could do more with my life than I could on my own.

• For so many in the world, the first challenge in accepting the gospel is to develop faith in a Father in Heaven, who loves them perfectly. It is easier to develop that faith when they have friends or family members who love them in a similar way.

• Sometimes we get so wrapped up in things that we find fascinating or become so consumed by mundane responsibilities that we lose sight of God’s objectives. As you consistently focus your life on the most basic principles, you will gain an understanding of what you are to do, and you will produce more fruit for the Lord and more happiness for yourself.

"Consumed by mundane responsibilities" is such an apt summary of my life sometimes, and I'm always worried it will become all there is for me. It's why I'm so anxious to find God and His purposes within the mundane, because those responsibilities aren't going away anytime soon. I think it's possible. But it takes focus and attention, and looking for meaning in small things. I like his advice to focus on basic principles: How is what I'm doing right now part of "bringing to pass the immortality and eternal life of man"? How can I reframe my perspective to make sure I'm doing this thing to serve God's children and not just for temporal reasons?

• Remember, loving them is the powerful foundation for influencing those you want to help.

And this one has been the one I've thought about most:

• As a companion to that love, trust them. In some cases it may seem difficult to trust, but find some way to trust them. The children of Father in Heaven can do amazing things when they feel trusted. Every child of God in mortality chose the Savior’s plan. Trust that given the opportunity, they will do so again.

This is a fascinating concept—the idea of trusting someone's past self (or "real" self, perhaps?) to come through with the right choice in the end. And the thought that the act of trusting can produce miracles…not just trusting God but trusting others. It seems so unjustified sometimes! And I know we aren't supposed to put our faith in imperfect mortals. But I've been pondering how I can trust (in an active way) my children, and show them that I trust them. I love to consider that "given the opportunity" and the right understanding, they will choose the Savior's plan again!!

0

The joyful burden

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday Morning Session of the April 2014 Conference.

Last Sunday a bunch of children got up in sacrament meeting and bore their testimonies. It wasn't coordinated or anything, it just happened to be so, and they all gave such cute little testimonies—not prompted by parents, but just short little sweet convictions: "I know Jesus loves me because he helped me when I broke my arm"—things like that. I knew I was feeling the Spirit during the meeting because I felt such hope and peace about the things I'm usually worrying about; this strong sense of "Everything is going to be okay; God is in charge and He's got everyone in His hands!"

I think that felt particularly good to me because in general, my current stage of life has me constantly feeling the opposite—like everything is complicated and messy and paradoxical and full of struggle. It's not that I don't usually feel like "everything is going to be okay," but it's more like "there is a bunch of stuff I didn't understand about how complex and thorny and stretching it is to walk the path of discipleship and get to the point where everything will be okay."

Two apostles talked about discipleship in this conference session, and you can tell from their talk titles that both of these perspectives are clear to them too: "The Cost—and Blessings—of Discipleship" and "The Joyful Burden of Discipleship." 

In the first talk, Elder Holland says

In addition to teaching, encouraging, and cheering people on (that is the pleasant part of discipleship), from time to time these same messengers are called upon to worry, to warn, and sometimes just to weep (that is the painful part of discipleship).

I am always looking for and hoping for the first part, and I do find it so often—that happy, satisfying feeling of loving and serving and fellowship where you think to yourself, "Ah! The gospel is so good!" And it is. But then at times when I'm weeping and thinking sadly, "Is there a single person in the world who isn't carrying a bunch of heavy burdens very few people know about?"… the other part rings so true too. And Elder Rasband has this reminder:

[Sustaining the prophet and the twelve apostles] is not a mere formality, nor is it reserved for those called to general service. To sustain our leaders is a privilege; it comes coupled with a personal responsibility to share their burden and to be disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Of course Jesus does give us rest from our burdens, but this burden—of aching for other people, of constantly worrying what to do, of being forced to stumble your way through complicated and unpleasant situations hoping to somehow do more good than harm—is not a burden we can lay down. I think I have been looking to lay it down sometimes. Of course I can share it with the Lord and with others! But I shouldn’t be seeking not to have it at all.

The hope comes, I guess, not from somehow closing our eyes and hoping the path will get easier, but from holding to that child-like conviction that "everything will be okay" even as we stumble along not feeling okay. President Eyring, in another talk from this session, talks about finding a way to do both:

I suggest that you take both the short and the long view as you try to give the inheritance of hope to your family. In the short run, there will be troubles and Satan will roar. And there are things to wait for patiently, in faith, knowing that the Lord acts in His own time and in His own way. 

There are things you can do early, when those you love are young. Remember that daily family prayer, family scripture study, and sharing our testimony in sacrament meeting are easier and more effective when children are young. Young children are often more sensitive to the Spirit than we realize.

When they are older, they will remember the hymns they sang with you. Even more than recalling music, they will remember the words of scripture and testimony. The Holy Ghost can bring all things to their remembrance, but the words of scriptures and hymns will last the longest. Those memories will exert a pull that may bring them back when they wander for a time, possibly for years, from the pathway home to eternal life. 

We will need the long view when those we love feel the pull of the world and the cloud of doubt seems to overwhelm their faith. We have faith, hope, and charity to guide us and to strengthen them.

It's easy to feel despair when I think about all the cute testimony-bearing children, "Yes, but what happens in a few years when you forget or reject these sweet little experiences you're having now?" But Elder Eyring promises those things will still be inside them! And Elder Holland also ends on a hopeful note:

[The path of Christian discipleship] is a strait path, and it is a narrow path without a great deal of latitude at some points, but it can be thrillingly and successfully traveled, “with … steadfastness in Christ, … a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men.” In courageously pursuing such a course, you will forge unshakable faith, you will find safety against ill winds that blow, even shafts in the whirlwind, and you will feel the rock-like strength of our Redeemer, upon whom if you build your unflagging discipleship, you cannot fall.

I do want to walk the path of discipleship. And I want to do it with optimism and courage even when the cost or the burden is greater than I'd anticipated. If Elder Holland, Elder Rasband, and Elder Eyring can do it, hopefully I can too!

1

Nothing we wouldn't willingly do

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Relief Society Session of the October 2013 Conference.

After talking to some friends who are struggling in their marriages recently, I was pondering what keeps us going when we feel like nothing we do is really working. I've felt it with motherhood so many times, and with trying to improve myself, and at times in my own marriage too. Those times when you're just tired, and you're discouraged, and you sort of feel like you should keep trying but you also can't seem to make yourself want to. It's so hard to be in that place. But I was thinking about how one of the only answers I've found is just to keep trying because I love Jesus. I know what He's done for me. I can't forget it. So if I can keep my love for Him as my motivation, it helps with that feeling of "but what's the point? Nothing makes a difference!" If I try to serve my family or my neighbors for Jesus, it doesn't matter as much how they respond to me or even if my efforts are "successful" or not. It just feels satisfying to do something I know Jesus would want me to do.

This quote from Sister Linda K Burton's talk reminded me of that: 

“If we fully appreciated the many blessings which are ours through the redemption made for us, there is nothing that the Lord could ask of us that we would not anxiously and willingly do.” According to this statement by President Joseph Fielding Smith, covenant keeping is one way to express our love for the incomprehensible, infinite Atonement of our Savior and Redeemer and the perfect love of our Father in Heaven.

0