Exert ourselves, repent, and choose God

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday Morning Session of the October 2014 Conference.

I thought Elder Christofferson's talk about agency was one of the clearest explanations of that doctrine I've ever read. I'm not sure I can explain why—maybe I'm just able to comprehend it better than I was a couple decades ago—but it helped me understand the nature of agency in ways I never have before. For example, this:

God will not act to make us something we do not choose by our actions to become.

It's so simple but has such deep implications. Why won't God save everyone? Why does he give us commandments? Why must there be degrees of glory in heaven? All those questions are answered by this one principle: God will not act to make us something we do not choose by our actions to become. I think it's beautiful. Because God loves us so much, he wants us to truly choose what and whom we want to be. He learns (or we learn) what and who we want to be by what we choose to do. Since He knows we are children and don't know how choose good sometimes, He gives us commandments as a guide to becoming like Him, and if we choose to act in harmony with those, we will become like Him. Everything depends on what we choose—not, as Elder Christofferson points out clearly, through our own work, because we can do nothing of ourselves—but through God's help in every moment we choose to follow Him:

Truly He loves us, and because He loves us, He neither compels nor abandons us. Rather He helps and guides us. Indeed, the real manifestation of God’s love is His commandments.

It’s amazing to me to realize that God’s commitment to our agency, to letting us choose what we truly want, is SO great that he will not act against it. It’s not that he doesn’t want to let us do what we want. It’s that he wants SO much to let us do what we want that he will absolutely not intervene to make us into someone we have not CHOSEN to become—even if that means letting some of our potential go unrealized. But at the same time, He makes it abundantly possible for anyone who even slightly does want to become like Him, to absolutely have every tool to do so.

Then Elder Christofferson explains how justice and mercy connect to our agency through the linking principle of repentance:

The gospel of Jesus Christ opens the path to what we may become. Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ and His grace, our failures to live the celestial law perfectly and consistently in mortality can be erased and we are enabled to develop a Christlike character. Justice demands, however, that none of this happen without our willing agreement and participation.…

Justice is an essential attribute of God. We can have faith in God because He is perfectly trustworthy. …We rely on the divine quality of justice for faith, confidence, and hope.…

It is compelling evidence of His justice that God has forged the companion principle of mercy. It is because He is just that He devised the means for mercy to play its indispensable role in our eternal destiny.…

Even so, “according to justice, the plan of redemption could not be brought about, only on conditions of repentance.” It is the requirement of and the opportunity for repentance that permits mercy to perform its labor without trampling justice.

Christ died not to save indiscriminately but to offer repentance. We rely “wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save” in the process of repentance, but acting to repent is a self-willed change. So by making repentance a condition for receiving the gift of grace, God enables us to retain responsibility for ourselves. Repentance respects and sustains our moral agency: “And thus mercy can satisfy the demands of justice, and encircles them in the arms of safety, while he that exercises no faith unto repentance is exposed to the whole law of the demands of justice; therefore only unto him that has faith unto repentance is brought about the great and eternal plan of redemption.”

To me this suggests that repentance is not a determined wrenching of one's self to just stop being bad, or a sort of superhuman act of change needed as I've sometimes felt it must be. Instead it's more like repentance starts with a tiny crucial moment of choice, (a "space granted," if you will) during which all we must do is turn our hearts to desire God. The moment we wish/will/desire to follow Him (activating our agency to make even the tiniest effort), Christ's mercy and enabling power flood down to help us continue, at which point we can exercise our agency again to obey what the Spirit has given us and thus receive even more aid.

This was another part of the talk I thought was amazing: 

To those who believe anything or everything could be true, the declaration of objective, fixed, and universal truth feels like coercion—“I shouldn’t be forced to believe something is true that I don’t like.” But that does not change reality. Resenting the law of gravity won’t keep a person from falling if he steps off a cliff. The same is true for eternal law and justice. Freedom comes not from resisting it but from applying it. That is fundamental to God’s own power. If it were not for the reality of fixed and immutable truths, the gift of agency would be meaningless since we would never be able to foresee and intend the consequences of our actions.

Maybe that seems obvious (I’ve heard the “the law of gravity works whether you believe it or not” analogy before) but that last sentence—"If it were not for the reality of fixed and immutable truths, the gift of agency would be meaningless since we would never be able to foresee and intend the consequences of our actions”—is something I’d never thought about with God before. There must be fixed truth in the universe or there is no virtue in choosing good—since there would be no way of telling what “good” was and no guarantee that choosing “good” wouldn’t end up making lots of people miserable! Of course, as imperfect beings it is possible for us to choose what we THINK is good and end up making people unhappy with it because our understanding is flawed. Or people might be unhappy even when we do good to them, because they aren’t in the right place to receive that good yet. BUT for God, who knows all truth, we can count on the fact that when he says something is good, it IS good and will lead to good. We can count on His laws leading to exactly the outcomes He says they will lead to. And therefore we can exercise our agency FOR good or FOR bad, and our choice is meaningful (even if the immediate consequences aren’t exactly what we intended or predicted).

This summary just feels so right to me:

I am under no illusion that [any of this] can be achieved by our own efforts alone without His very substantial and constant help. “We know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do.” And we do not need to achieve some minimum level of capacity or goodness before God will help—divine aid can be ours every hour of every day, no matter where we are in the path of obedience. But I know that beyond desiring His help, we must exert ourselves, repent, and choose God for Him to be able to act in our lives consistent with justice and moral agency. My plea is simply to take responsibility and go to work so that there is something for God to help us with.

Of course I've always known agency is an essential part of God's plan. And I've learned in recent years the counterpoint of how little we can affect the agency of others! All of us will have and be what we ultimately desire to have and be. But I love the interweaving principle here of God helping us discover what we really want to have and be, of God helping us experience different ways of having and being so our choice is an informed one—even of God giving us strength and power beyond our own so we can taste some of the fruits of having what He has and being what He is long before we actually earn them. Knowing that the smallest, most fumbling efforts to "exert ourselves, repent, and choose God" will lead to all that help (for anyone! No matter how lost or stubborn!) is one of the most hopeful doctrines the gospel offers.

1

Wherefore murmur ye because that ye shall receive more of my word?

(Forgive the slight irreverence of this post's title; I was referencing my post about my previous book!)

Well! Amidst six months in Quebec, two weddings and an engagement, three missionaries, and a million other things that make up our real lives, Rachael and I somehow finished our second book! It took us four years this time (I think our last book was three; at this rate we only have a couple more left in us before we become too senile to write) and it included two rather lengthy periods of getting burned out and basically giving up on it altogether. But the beauty of having a co-author is that you can't just wallow in your own discouragement forever, and one or the other of us always eventually said, "Shall we just try a slight rewrite of this part…?" and got us going again.

This book is a Scarlet Pimpernel re-telling, in the same magical "world" as our other book—though it takes place before that one and isn't connected to it. After all this time, both Rachael and I still like it, which is more than I can say for some things I've written!

0

Goodbye, Ky!

I've been to two funerals in the past four days (both for people I had connections to, but knew only slightly) which has given me lots of opportunity to reflect on how we remember or encapsulate a person's life. I think I've said before that I notice more and more how much the talks at funerals say about the person giving the talk. We can't help but understand others in relation to what we are experiencing, and what we currently need to understand. I don't think that's a bad thing, but it's just interesting to think that in spite of all my efforts to act and be a certain way—"who I am" to another person will also depend on the lens that person is looking through.

3

Someone to share her load

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the General Women's Session of the April 2014 Conference.

I remember this conference! It was the first time they let eight-year-olds come to the women's session, and it was a "General Women's Meeting" instead of Relief Society or Young Women. I thought it was a great idea and was sad that Daisy wasn't quite old enough to go with me—"but," I thought, "there will be plenty of time for us to go together in the years ahead." I'm still sad that's not how it worked out. I miss the Women's Session, and the Priesthood Session too, for that matter. And the Saturday Evening Session too, now! *sigh* Actually…now I think of it, did I GO to this session? No, surely not. But my dear friend's mother, Bonnie Oscarson, was in the young women's presidency at this time, so I know I went to one of these!

From the talks, I particularly liked this quote from Sister Oscarson's talk "Oh, How We Need Each Other.":

Mary was a young woman when she was informed of her remarkable mission to be the mother of the Son of God. Initially it must have seemed to be a heavy responsibility to bear alone. It was the Lord Himself who provided Mary with someone to share her load. Through the message of the angel Gabriel, Mary was given the name of a trusted and sympathetic woman to whom she could turn for support—her cousin Elisabeth.

This young maiden and her cousin, who was “well stricken in years,” shared a common bond in their miraculous pregnancies, and I can only imagine how very important the three months they spent together were to both of them as they were able to talk together, empathize with each other, and support one another in their unique callings. What a wonderful model they are of feminine nurturing between generations.

"It was the Lord Himself who provided Mary with someone to share her load." I think that is so beautiful, maybe because I too have been the recipient of such a gift. It's hard to find true friends, close friends, as an adult. And, of course, that's okay. I have actually been surprised at how much "semi-close" friends—people with whom you connect with in some way, but maybe only over a specific thing, or for a specific time period like when you are in a calling together, or mostly on more surface-level topics—can still bless your life. Not everyone has to be a "best friend," and relationships can be valuable (I'm learning) on many levels. I'm sure the Lord could have, and did, provide Mary with lots of good neighbors and relatives who could help her with babies and give her marital advice and lend her cups of cornmeal. BUT! I just love it that He ALSO provided a specific person, a special person, a true friend to lighten and share her load—someone Mary may not have predicted. Someone she may not have even connected with very well before…but someone who knew her, understood her, and could comfort her in this specific circumstance, at this time when she needed support so much.

I don't know where Mary's mother was at this time. Maybe she had died earlier. And how did Mary find and decide to visit Elizabeth? How did she know this relative was the very person she needed? It would be so interesting to know more of that story, but ultimately it doesn't matter because

1. God knew the friendship Mary needed, and

2. He led her to it.

It's meaningful to me because God has done the same for me. I am blessed to have a happy marriage. Because of that, and for all the normal busy reasons we all have, I perhaps haven't worked as hard to seek female friendship as I should have. Maybe, having grown up with all brothers, I haven't known quite how to find it. But God has been so good. He has dropped sisters into my lap right when I need them. Through callings, through proximity, and even through far-off virtual connections, he has ensured I have love and support and comfort through sisterhood. He has let me see His hand working through my friends. These women aren't always in my ward Relief Society, they aren't always my assigned ministering sisters, but they are sisters in the gospel and I know that's just as God intended it. I love Him for wanting us to need each other, and I love Him for leading me to these dear friends I might not have found on my own. "Oh how we need each other!" It is so true!

1

Family in Quebec

Ever since we got back from Quebec a year and a half ago, I've been working on the family history of a bunch of ancestors from Quebec City. I didn't even know I HAD ancestors from there, and true, they are rather distant cousins, but I have felt more and more close to them and very happy to do their temple work. I found my first name when I went to do initiatory ordinances at the temple and was randomly given the name of a lady who had been born in Quebec. Because I felt that little connection with her, I remembered her name and her birthday, and when I went home, I looked her up, and I was related to her! I was able to request her other ordinances, and while I was doing that, I started looking at records for her siblings and parents, leading me to even more people.

2

Quebec Trip with Daisy

Are you the type of person who likes to watch your favorite movies and read your favorite books again and again? Or are you, like our son Malachi, scornful of such wasted time and prefer to never revisit something you've already done? I am the former. But if you are the latter, feel free to skip right past these pictures of places we've already been and things we've already done!

1

The gentle tug of the Spirit

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday Afternoon Session of the April 2014 Conference.

This week I loved Elder Boyd K Packer's powerful testimony of Jesus Christ. He spoke like He knew God personally, maybe had even seen Him. Now for sure he has! I also liked Elder L. Tom Perry's talk  about obedience:

An obedient horse which is part of a well-trained team of horses needs little more than a gentle tug from the driver to do exactly what he wants it to do. This gentle tug is equivalent to the still, small voice with which the Lord speaks to us. Out of respect for our agency, it is never a strong, forceful tug.…

So the lesson my grandfather taught me was always to be ready to receive the gentle tug of the Spirit. He taught me that I would always receive such a prompting if I ever veered off course. And I would never be guilty of more serious wrongdoings if I allowed the Spirit to guide me in my decisions.

I have noticed many times that when I'm getting frustrated or angry with my children (or whoever, I guess, but it's usually only my children 😩), there is a moment where I could stop. It's like the moment when you hear your alarm to wake up, and you could wake up, but if you go back to sleep right then you'll think later, "Hey, I never even heard my alarm!" Likewise when I'm really getting overwhelmed or carried away by my anger, there's a moment I know it, and can stop. Sometimes I do stop. I take a breath, lower my voice, close my mouth, or whatever else I can manage. But sometimes I don't stop, and those are the times I feel so regretful or discouraged afterwards. Those are the times I think sadly later, "Parenthood truly does allow us to exercise unrighteous dominion."

I guess it's just comforting to me to know that there (usually? maybe always?) IS that moment so I will HAVE that choice. The Spirit will whisper, "stop now" or "go now," but it will only whisper it, and it's up to me to choose to hear!

I also recently read a quote about "believing blood" somewhere, about how some people are blessed to have an easier time believing, but we should also have compassion for others for whom it doesn't come as easily. This part of Elder Perry's talk reminded me of that:

I recognize that the challenges associated with having faith in Jesus Christ and obedience will be more difficult for some than others. I have had enough years of experience to know that the personalities of horses can be very different and, therefore, some horses can be easier or more difficult to train and that the variety of people is far greater. Each of us is a son or daughter of God, and we have a unique premortal and mortal story. Accordingly, there are very few one-size-fits-all solutions. And so I fully recognize the trial-and-error nature of life and, most importantly, the constant need of the second principle of the gospel, even repentance.

I'm sure this is true. For some reason, the belief that Heavenly Father and Jesus live and love me is almost a natural as breathing to me. I feel I have always known it. But still:

Strong, proactive obedience is anything but weak or passive. It is the means by which we declare our faith in God and qualify ourselves to receive the powers of heaven. Obedience is a choice. It is a choice between our own limited knowledge and power and God’s unlimited wisdom and omnipotence. According to the lesson my grandfather gave to me, it is a choice to sense the spiritual bit in our mouths and follow the driver’s lead.

Anyone can make that choice! And when we miss our moment, when we ignore the Spirit we know we should follow, we can repent and turn back, and choose a better obedience next time. I love knowing that.

5