What I focus on expands inside of me

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday Morning Session of the April 2015 Conference. 

The talks this session were all SO good. Elder Holland and Elder Uchtdorf both taught profound truths about Jesus's atonement and mercy and grace. Elder Caussé talked about continuing to find joy in and appreciate the wonders of God's plan. And Sister Rosemary M. Wixom and Elder Brent H. Nielson both shared detailed personal stories about friends who had left, and then come back to, faith. I think this was a time when a lot of people were starting to worry about their family members friends leaving the faith. Not that that is a new problem. But it just suddenly seemed to be on everyone's mind (or at least I suddenly became more aware of it). 

I don't remember these specific talks, but honestly back at this time, I didn't always like hearing them. I remember thinking, "Why is it always us who have stayed who have to make the accommodations, forgive, be understanding, be patient, give the benefit of the doubt? Why don't those who have left ever try to do that for us?" Even though I knew (and still know) that disciples of Christ need to live a higher standard, it bothered me a little. I guess I needed, yet again, the lesson of "compared to [Jesus], the two of you aren't that different." Elder Nielson essentially says this too:

As [my son] read the parable of the prodigal son, I heard it differently that day than I had ever heard it before. For some reason, I had always related to the son who stayed home. As David read that morning, I realized that in some ways I was the prodigal son. All of us fall short of the glory of the Father. All of us need the Savior’s Atonement to heal us. All of us are lost and need to be found. This revelation that day helped me know that my sister and I both needed the Savior’s love and His Atonement. Susan and I were actually on the same path back home.

I've always known this intellectually, of course, but with a few more years of life under my belt, and a few more personal connections to faith questions and faith struggles, my understanding of it has deepened at least a little. And I have more of a desire to be Christlike even if it does mean an "unfair" exchange where I'm making more of an effort than the person I'm trying to help. Doesn't all "my" ability and understanding come from God anyway? I love Him because He first loved me. There was nothing "fair" about that exchange, but the benefits (to me) are infinite. I think I am gradually internalizing this.

My favorite part of Sister Wixom's talk was a quote from a Catholic archbishop, something he wrote to Mother Theresa when she was struggling with her own faith. He said, 

God guides you, dear Mother; you are not so much in the dark as you think. The path to be followed may not always be clear at once. Pray for light; do not decide too quickly, listen to what others have to say, consider their reasons. You will always find something to help you. … Guided by faith, by prayer, and by reason with a right intention, you have enough.

I like it because it's such good advice, first of all, and resonates with me in the many, many places I am still in the dark about the gospel and how to live it. In all the ways I am the prodigal seeking more light and stumbling in my journey home, it reassures me that small efforts and faint hopes can be good enough for now. But I also love the generosity of spirit it shows from the speaker's side! His belief in his friend, his calm confidence in her ability to figure things out, his faith in God's love for her, is really beautiful. It's the feeling I want to radiate to those around me who are struggling. Love. Patience. Confidence. For others' sakes and my own, I want to live the gospel with this kind of peace.

Sister Wixom's friend who returned to faith had such a good perspective that applies to any of us:

I can still bear testimony. I will just say those things that I know and trust. It may not be a perfect offering of knowledge, but it will be my offering. What I focus on expands inside of me. It is beautiful to get back to the essence of the gospel and feel clarity.

It's true about my faith. And it's also true about sharing my faith. When I focus on what I love, who I love, and what I'm grateful for, I think I will be such a better and happier disciple of Christ. And I will be able to help Him in His work (on me and on those around me!) so much more effectively!

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Zig's birthday and our new dog

On Ziggy's birthday, we went to a puppy store near us to play with the puppies, because Ziggy likes dogs. We did NOT intend to come home with one!…And we didn't. Ha ha. But we are trying desperately to convince Malachi that we did! It's very difficult, because he is a terribly suspicious person by nature, not to mention the fact that HE had the idea of trying to convince Abe that we got a dog when Abe was on his mission. Nevertheless, we are doing our best, and perhaps if we just keep it up for long enough he will eventually believe us. (Right now it is mostly just making him annoyed with us and say things like "Stop trying to fool me! I KNOW you didn't get a dog!…or if you did, show him to me!"—at which point we have Teddy walk by the videochat with a stuffed animal in his arms making whimpering sounds—which makes Malachi even more annoyed…which is kind of the point, I suppose!)

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In the moments we need God

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Priesthood Session of the April 2015 Conference. 

Sometimes I think about, when I pray in the mornings, the times I've been completely blindsided by a trial or a problem—and how when I said my morning prayer on those mornings, I had no idea what challenges would be coming so soon. It makes me almost afraid, as I pray for strength to deal with whatever happens today, to think about that. But it doesn't do any good to be afraid. Those times come for everyone! It's what President Eyring talked about in this conference session: the need to be spiritually fortified and ready always, because we never know when those spiritual reserves will be called upon!

All of us must speak and act in the name of God in moments when our unaided judgment will not be enough without inspiration. Those moments can come upon us when there is not time to make preparation. That has happened to me often.

It's not that I've had so many huge challenges in my life, but that feeling when they come of "Oh no! Not now! I didn't want to have to face this!" is so familiar. And I suppose it's something God wants us to learn, something we need to learn—that even though we may never feel fully "ready" to do something really hard, we can do those hard things by relying on Him. One way President Eyring recommends that we be ready for hard challenges is to be constantly praying and working to have the Spirit with us. I don't think I understood the idea of "pray always" when I was younger. (And I probably still don't, fully.) But since I've become a mother and grown more deeply into the gospel, I've realized how much more often I need to send up little silent prayers for help. I've realized how much more confident I feel, when unexpected challenges do crop up, knowing that I was just recently asking the Lord for strength. President Eyring says:

It is easier to get the proper feeling of reverence when you are kneeling or bowing your head, but it is possible to feel that you are approaching your Heavenly Father in less formal and even in silent prayer, as you will often need to do in your priesthood service. There will be noise and people around you most of your waking day. God hears your silent prayers, but you may have to learn to shut out the distractions because the moment you need the connection with God may not come in quiet times.

I'm still growing into this principle, but I already see its truth. We really do need the Spirit always to be with us. We really do need to pray always. We really do need to walk with Jesus. We just have too many challenges not to! And if that seems scary…well, it's not nearly as scary as the thought of facing those times without feeling that Jesus and the Spirit will be us, helping us!

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More rain and more sunsets

Every year around the end of summer, the girls get out the tent so they can sleep in the backyard. These poor children have never been "real camping" (except—yes they have—at girls' camp! But not with our family), thanks to DAISY who screamed the whole night last time we went (Sebastian's fifth birthday) and made me vow to never do that again! Ha! Maybe now, sixteen years later, I might consider getting over that traumatic incident? Maybe.

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Muse, spiral binder, foam

Daisy and Abe and Seb all met up to go to the Muse concert together in August! Seb flew in from Denver. It was Daisy's first concert and Abe's first time hearing Muse live. They all loved it! And they even had nice weather for it. Yay!

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Keep practicing

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday Afternoon Session of the April 2015 Conference.

There are so many talks I love in this conference session! I just can't choose! And I also can't do justice to them by just talking about pieces of them. But I guess I will just share a few of the things I highlighted because they hit me in the right spot right now:

The peace Christ gives allows us to view mortality through the precious perspective of eternity and supplies a spiritual settledness that helps us maintain a consistent focus on our heavenly destination. Thus, we can be blessed to hush our fears because His doctrine provides purpose and direction in all aspects of our lives. His ordinances and covenants fortify and comfort in times both good and bad.

—Elder Bednar, "Therefore they hushed their fears"

Each individual carries the divine image, but it is in the matrimonial union of male and female as one that we attain perhaps the most complete meaning of our having been made in the image of God—male and female.

—Elder Christofferson, "Why Marriage, Why Family"

The dance steps of the gospel are the things we do; the music of the gospel is the joyful spiritual feeling that comes from the Holy Ghost.…If you’re not hearing the music of the gospel in your home, please remember these two words: keep practicing. With God’s help, the day will come when the music of the gospel will fill your home with unspeakable joy.

—Elder Wilford W. Andersen, "The Music of the Gospel"

As God encourages us to keep on trying, He expects us to also allow others the space to do the same, at their own pace. 

[This talk also has the story of the missionary who is told by the Lord about his slacker companion, "You know, compared to me, the two of you aren’t all that different.” I have probably had that phrase come to my mind about a hundred times in the years since I first heard this talk…maybe more! I think about it all the time.]

—Elder Renlund, "Latter-day Saints Keep on Trying"

In a world where praise, position, power, accolades, and authority are sought on every side, I honor those wonderful and blessed souls who are truly good and without guile, those who are motivated by a love of God and their neighbors, those great women and men who are “more anxious to serve than to have dominion.”

—Elder Michael T. Ringwood, "Truly Good and Without Guile"

All of these talks are so good and any one of them would be well worth a re-read!

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Butterflies

If you want to see something besides butterflies (and cute people, of course) in this post, you're out of luck! We visited the Butterfly Garden for a Field Trip Day and for some reason the butterflies seemed extra receptive to being held, so all the kids wanted pictures with their butterfly friends. And Daisy got to go with us because her school hadn't started yet! Reason enough to take a few pictures, I say.

Et voilà:

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Clementine's first day of kindergarten (and a *BONUS DAISY*)

It cannot be, it absolutely cannot be, but it IS. My last child starting school! Oh how I wish I had ten or twelve more coming down the pipeline. (I would be a hundred years old and completely out of my mind by the time they graduated, but never mind that.) But if there must BE a last kindergartner, surely there could be no better one than this bright-eyed, friendly, curious, happy little Clementine! Oh that every teacher in every school could have a class full of girls like her! They would work for free. (Hey…I work for free!) It's so fun (if occasionally a little alarming!) to see what she thinks and what she decides to do about what she thinks!

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Raspberries, rain, and the last of summer

We liked to pick raspberries every year in August, but last year's harvest was so pathetic we weren't sure it would even be worth it this year! Back in the good old days we used to get 25 or 30 pounds of berries with all of us picking. Last year I think it was 3 pounds😩. Still, we gave it a try. The plants weren't in great shape. The owner of the raspberry patch said the late freeze and the summer heat had been hard on them. But we managed about 11 pounds, so that was pretty good. Enough to make several batches of muffins and a bunch of pie!

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Starting ballet, and a few other things

Summer came to a close sooner than anyone wanted (actually not true; Junie had read every book in the house and was bored out of her mind and couldn't WAIT to start seminary again, but it was sooner than I wanted!). We had kind of a "soft start" with new ballet classes starting in early August, math classes and seminary in mid-August, and piano lessons (with a new teacher!) at the end of August. I guess it was good because we could get ourselves on schedule bit by bit.

Because the ballet teacher said she would put the classes right next to my big girls' classes, I let Clementine try out ballet this year. She loves it, of course (though she keeps saying "When do I get to do real ballet?"—meaning dance on a stage in a costume) and is so cute hopping around, leaping, and doing pliés with a look of serious concentration on her face.

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The Three August Birthdays

Three good children born in August. At LEAST three. Daisy turned 17! Her sisters made her a birthday crown.

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We seek before we find

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday Morning Session of the April 2015 Conference.

I actually hated the story Elder L. Whitney Clayton told in his conference talk (about a little girl who was the only survivor of a plane crash with her family, and had to walk, injured, in the darkness before anyone could help her. It's just too painful to think about) but I guess it is memorable! And I like the message Elder Clayton drew from it. He talked about the different aspects of her courageous journey and how they are like our own journeys through life.

One part that stood out was this sort of inversion of a common scripture:

Alma’s call for us to desire to believe and to “give place” in our hearts for the Savior’s words reminds us that belief and faith require our personal choice and action. We must “awake and arouse [our] faculties.” We ask before it is given unto us; we seek before we find; we knock before it is opened unto us. We are then given this promise: “For every one that asketh, receiveth; and he that seeketh, findeth; and to him that knocketh, it shall be opened.”

I like that emphasis on the uncertain space before we see miracles or even feel peace. It can feel so long and hard! But that is our space to act. (And God is still there even then. We just don't see clearly.) And we can trust Him that our asking, seeking, and knocking will not be ignored.

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Filling our homes with good

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the General Women's Session of the April 2015 Conference. 

I'm not sure why the women's session appears first in the conference archives for April 2015. Usually the Womens/YW sessions are last. But maybe this was the point where they started counting the Women's Session as part of Conference instead of…whatever they used to consider it. And maybe it took place before the week of the other sessions. Anyway, it means I read two women's sessions in a row, and that was fun!

I think my favorite talk from this session was by Sister Bonnie Oscarson (my friend!…at least, her daughter is my friend)…but the quote that stood out to me was from Sister Cheryl A. Esplin.

When filled with the Spirit and with gospel truth, we have the power to withstand the outside forces of the world that surround and push against us. However, if we are not filled spiritually, we don’t have the inner strength to resist the outside pressures and can collapse when forces push against us.

I just like this analogy. It’s like the parable Jesus told about the evil spirits that came in again to the empty house. I like the idea of proactively filling our homes with so much good, rather than just fearfully trying to keep bad things away.

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