This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Priesthood Session of the October 2014 Conference.
I was struck by the tone of some of these Conference talks, especially Elder Cook's and Elder Uchtdorf's. I don't even know quite what I want to say about it. President Uchtdorf never sounds mean or judgmental. He is always full of love. (Maybe that's why he can call people to repentance!) But these two talks were very much of the sober, arise-my-sons-and-be-men, call-to-repentance variety. And I feel like I just don't hear that very much lately! Is it just my perception? (You do hear people say things like "when I was young, the church was a lot more hard-line" or "when I was young we didn't focus on the Atonement as much," and I don't know if that's really true—I find, reading these old talks, that there is a lot more love and mercy and grace preached than people give the "old church" credit for.) Or possibly there really is a shift away from this strong, firm tone in conference talks today? [Okay, I looked through the most recent Conference. And there are several talks that do have a "we need to do better!" sort of tone, even if it's not said outright. So I think maybe I am just exaggerating the generational shift.]
Anyway, I of course dislike being scolded as much as the next guy, but there's something I really like about this gentle-but-also-deadly-serious talk. Maybe it makes me feel like the gospel is real—like we really need to start living better now and there's no time for messing around. And that makes me feel like the Second Coming of Jesus Christ really is actually going to come soon, and I like believing that! But I also know that for some people, a call-to-repentance talk makes them feel guilty and paralyzed and want to give up altogether. (But is that just because they don't sense the love of God behind these calls? I don't know.)
Well, whatever the reason, this is the quote that felt most powerful to me from Elder Cook's talk:
I encourage everyone, young and old, to review goals and objectives and strive to exercise greater discipline. Our daily conduct and choices should be consistent with our goals. We need to rise above rationalizations and distractions. It is especially important to make choices consistent with our covenants to serve Jesus Christ in righteousness. We must not take our eyes off or drop that ball for any reason.…This life is the time to prepare to meet God. We are a happy, joyous people. We appreciate a good sense of humor and treasure unstructured time with friends and family. But we need to recognize that there is a seriousness of purpose that must undergird our approach to life and all our choices.
I feel this in my life more and more. Not every moment. Sometimes I still just want to relax and do something easier for a while. But in general, I feel more serious about each little thing because I'm starting to recognize how little time I have left (with my kids specifically, but honestly even on earth!). I was just telling my kids how when I do get a few minutes to practice the piano these days, I do it so differently than when I was young. Now I just want to do whatever it takes to actually learn the piece right! Why would I keep playing fast without stopping, just so I can make the same mistakes over again the next time? Why would I put in almost enough work to make it good and then just hurry past the difficult parts hoping no one will notice the sloppiness or the missed notes? That feels like such a waste to me. I don't want to sound "good enough." I want to actually master the music. I want to actually know the piece—for my fingers to know it, for my mind to know it, to understand what it means to me and what I am trying to create when I play it. Obviously I have time limitations and technique limitations so I can't actually just play everything perfectly, and that's fine, but if I AM practicing, I have no desire to just go through the motions so I can say "I spent an hour on it!" Who cares the time it took. I want the music to SOUND like I want it to sound.
And I feel something similar for the gospel. Of course, like anyone, I rush through my prayers sometimes and I fall asleep while reading my scriptures and going to the temple, and I get fed up with my kids and think "why do I always have to be the one who apologizes and forgives?" But at least more than when I was younger, I'm not interested in justifying that behavior or trying to gloss over it. I actually do want Heavenly Father to "refiner's fire" it out of me.
And I just feel serious about discipleship! Even in the midst of really not liking something and not wanting to go through it, I usually manage to think with some part of myself, "But…if this is the cost of becoming like God, I am willing to go through it." I see my growing children and I see the lives of other people who are struggling and suffering and I just think, "I'm not interested in going through all the hard things in life pointlessly. I only want to do this if there's a purpose in it! Sure it's a lot of work to follow Jesus. But it's work that gets you somewhere! It's work with a beautiful end result! Why would I want to have an easier life that won't end up being as fulfilling or meaningful in the end?"
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