The gentle tug of the Spirit

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday Afternoon Session of the April 2014 Conference.

This week I loved Elder Boyd K Packer's powerful testimony of Jesus Christ. He spoke like He knew God personally, maybe had even seen Him. Now for sure he has! I also liked Elder L. Tom Perry's talk  about obedience:

An obedient horse which is part of a well-trained team of horses needs little more than a gentle tug from the driver to do exactly what he wants it to do. This gentle tug is equivalent to the still, small voice with which the Lord speaks to us. Out of respect for our agency, it is never a strong, forceful tug.…

So the lesson my grandfather taught me was always to be ready to receive the gentle tug of the Spirit. He taught me that I would always receive such a prompting if I ever veered off course. And I would never be guilty of more serious wrongdoings if I allowed the Spirit to guide me in my decisions.

I have noticed many times that when I'm getting frustrated or angry with my children (or whoever, I guess, but it's usually only my children 😩), there is a moment where I could stop. It's like the moment when you hear your alarm to wake up, and you could wake up, but if you go back to sleep right then you'll think later, "Hey, I never even heard my alarm!" Likewise when I'm really getting overwhelmed or carried away by my anger, there's a moment I know it, and can stop. Sometimes I do stop. I take a breath, lower my voice, close my mouth, or whatever else I can manage. But sometimes I don't stop, and those are the times I feel so regretful or discouraged afterwards. Those are the times I think sadly later, "Parenthood truly does allow us to exercise unrighteous dominion."

I guess it's just comforting to me to know that there (usually? maybe always?) IS that moment so I will HAVE that choice. The Spirit will whisper, "stop now" or "go now," but it will only whisper it, and it's up to me to choose to hear!

I also recently read a quote about "believing blood" somewhere, about how some people are blessed to have an easier time believing, but we should also have compassion for others for whom it doesn't come as easily. This part of Elder Perry's talk reminded me of that:

I recognize that the challenges associated with having faith in Jesus Christ and obedience will be more difficult for some than others. I have had enough years of experience to know that the personalities of horses can be very different and, therefore, some horses can be easier or more difficult to train and that the variety of people is far greater. Each of us is a son or daughter of God, and we have a unique premortal and mortal story. Accordingly, there are very few one-size-fits-all solutions. And so I fully recognize the trial-and-error nature of life and, most importantly, the constant need of the second principle of the gospel, even repentance.

I'm sure this is true. For some reason, the belief that Heavenly Father and Jesus live and love me is almost a natural as breathing to me. I feel I have always known it. But still:

Strong, proactive obedience is anything but weak or passive. It is the means by which we declare our faith in God and qualify ourselves to receive the powers of heaven. Obedience is a choice. It is a choice between our own limited knowledge and power and God’s unlimited wisdom and omnipotence. According to the lesson my grandfather gave to me, it is a choice to sense the spiritual bit in our mouths and follow the driver’s lead.

Anyone can make that choice! And when we miss our moment, when we ignore the Spirit we know we should follow, we can repent and turn back, and choose a better obedience next time. I love knowing that.