I've been to two funerals in the past four days (both for people I had connections to, but knew only slightly) which has given me lots of opportunity to reflect on how we remember or encapsulate a person's life. I think I've said before that I notice more and more how much the talks at funerals say about the person giving the talk. We can't help but understand others in relation to what we are experiencing, and what we currently need to understand. I don't think that's a bad thing, but it's just interesting to think that in spite of all my efforts to act and be a certain way—"who I am" to another person will also depend on the lens that person is looking through.
A few years ago I tried to comfort Malachi over something by referring to what kind of person he's always been. He told me in no uncertain terms (we must remember he was in the throes of the teenage years at the time) that I knew nothing about "who he really was" and that it was outright offensive of me to assume I did. I guess, in a way, what he said was true; it was true in the way that none of us ever know everything about each other, and in the way that none of us even know everything about ourselves.
But in another way, of course, it was utter nonsense. I do know Malachi. I've known him for eternities (though, granted, I can't remember all of that). So today as we prepare to send him off to the other side of the world for two years, I've been thinking about some of the things he loves. (One of the funeral talks I heard was in that format. "Things my dad loved." It was really fun to listen to.)
However, out of respect for Ky's delicate sensibilities, and because he is not, in fact, dead—(yet. But he keeps saying to me, "People die on their missions all the time." Is that a kind thing to say to one's mother??)—I will take pains to remind you that these are merely things I see in Malachi. They may or may not be true. I will leave you, dear reader, to decide.
Ten Things Malachi Loves:
1. Malachi loves tying his tie in a special knot (you might even say his "signature knot"):
2. Malachi loves public speaking. You might think it's just since he's been in Debate, but honestly he's always liked the sound of his own voice (and we've all liked hearing it). The other night we were watching old videos and we saw one of TINY Malachi giving a 4-H Demonstration on "How to Make an Origami Bunny." The way he says "Make sure you fold it precisely!" is the cutest thing in the world. He could command an audience even then!
3. Malachi loves being sweet and squishy. He obviously likes this or he wouldn't have been so good at it for so many years:
5. Malachi loves thinking deeply about things. (Perhaps overthinking them at times, like his mother before him.) He can't really not do this, and it shows in the way he writes and speaks. If you say something glibly or in an ill-considered way, he'll challenge you on it.
6. Malachi loves a good story. In fact he loves a good story SO much that I'd say he has a bit of a dramatic streak (also like his mother before him). He started out, as all author-types do, playing "Orphan" and "Special Child has Special Powers," and progressed over the years to understanding the Story Cycle and the Hero's Journey way better than I do, but sometimes I think his narratives about himself and his life tend to…slight exaggeration. In both directions. He's the confident hero; he's the failing hero. It's what makes him so fun to talk to! Every interaction has a little extra spice.
7. Malachi loves being different. This isn't his ONLY motivation, of course. I'm sure there are ways he, like all of us, wants to fit in. But he isn't satisfied with conventional answers or clichés. He's not going to pick the favorite scripture everyone (or anyone) else has, or give the testimony anyone else gives. He puts himself into everything he does, and so makes everything a little bit his own. (Small example: when I asked him what favorite hymns he wanted to sing at his mission farewell, one of the ones he chose was "We Meet Again as Sisters." Ha! I should have punished him by actually doing it)
8. Malachi loves Utilitarianism, by John Stuart Mill. He loves it so much he included a paragraph about it in his mission farewell talk. (To be fair, the paragraph was about how even though he loves Utilitarianism, Utilitarianism has no power to save or to change lives.)
9. Malachi loves being well-read. It's not just part of #7 above. He doesn't want to be well-read just as a statement. He really wants to know things, to engage with the world of ideas and to join the "great conversation." He reads philosophy books, political books like the Federalist Papers, early detective and sci-fi genres, Jane Austen, and everything in between. (Except Georgette Heyer. No matter how much Daisy urges him, he has stubbornly not yet read any Georgette Heyer.)
10. Malachi loves aiming high. Sometimes I'll try to gently give him an out on something ("Since you've been so busy, it's probably okay if you don't enter BOTH presidential debate and Lincoln-Douglas for this tournament!") but he won't take it. I don't know if that's smart or foolish, but it is certainly admirable! It doesn't really seem to be about impressing people. He just sets himself high challenges and, more often than not, succeeds in meeting them. Even more impressively, "failure" (according to his own standards) doesn't stop him. I think that's one of the most valuable things a person can learn—not to stop at early failure. I love that Malachi is persistent and keeps trying.
And, because I would never insult Malachi by making this list too predicatable, we'll add a #11. Malachi loves the writing arts. I'm not sure how else to phrase this. It's not just writing—though he's already an exceptional writer. But he loves all the umbras and penumbras around that too…lists, journals, notebooks, nice pens, a fancy signature, distinctive stationery, sealing wax. If you are lucky enough to receive a note from Malachi, not only will it be witty, sincere, and well-written, but it will be beautifully presented as well.
Malachi means "My Messenger," and at the time he was sent to me he was indeed MY messenger—that is, God's messenger to me. But now he will officially be God's messenger to everyone else too; to every person he meets, which seems so fitting. Think about it: his mission will allow him to wear ties, write letters, speak in public, think deeply, stand out and be different, aim high, and tell (and hear) good stories. It's hard to think of a situation better suited to use his varied gifts.
Oh, but we will miss him and his gifts right here with us. I do believe President Nelson when he said that the gathering of Israel is the most important work happening on earth right now. I believe in the casting forth of the gospel net…but the act of throwing out the net, so opposite from the gathering-in which is our ultimate goal, is an awfully hard one when my own boy is the net. But I know. I know. We have to let them go forth so that, eventually, all can be safely gathered in. Hasten the day.
I'm not sure I ever wrote about when I was praying about Malachi one night and I heard (I truly thought I heard) a little chuckle and the words, "Oh yes, Malachi. I know Malachi."
Well. I know God does know Him. (Even better than I do.) So I'm excited to see what happens next.
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