Unconventional Joy

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week we take a break from the past to talk about the most recent session of General Conference, the October 2019 Session! Next week we will go back to the October 1985 Session. 

Goldie is grateful for her family and "haw big it is." Little sweetie.

I feel like starting off with an update on the announcement about Home-Centered Church from a year ago! Last year, when President Nelson made the announcement that church would be changing to two hours, I burst into tears! Which lasted, on and off, for the next several days. I can't really describe all I was feeling…but fear of change was in the mix, as was inadequacy and exhaustion and a certainty that I really couldn't bear adding one more thing to the list of things I was responsible for. As well as the fact that I LIKE church…I really like it. And to decrease it by one-third just seemed sad. And then on top of all that I felt faithless for not just rejoicing at any guidance the prophet would give us.

That night after conference I woke up at 3 a.m. and felt so upset, and I went for a run in the freezing rain, and while I ran, I prayed and pleaded that in a year, I would feel differently. I promised I'd do my best to obey the counsel the prophets had given, but I said, "Please, by next October, help me have a testimony of this change."

So, now that that year has passed, I am happy to say that I DO feel differently! I don't know that we've fully figured out this Home Church thing. I feel like a lot of my recent hopefulness about it is still pointed toward the possibilities, and not the current realities. But I don't feel the dread and overwhelmed-ness I once did. It helps immensely that Sam, bless him, has taken a lot (most) of the responsibility for teaching and planning and making it happen. He's such a good teacher! I'm only in charge once a month, and I've actually liked the preparation for that quite a bit. And I have this sense that good things—better things—are just around the corner for us as we hit our stride and figure out what we really want Home Church to be for our family. I feel like this year has been a time of feeling our way toward goals that we haven't quite reached yet. I think we're still a little too tied to traditional church-like lessons, and I'm excited about getting a little more creative as time goes on, because I like the attempts we've made in that direction. But, you know, even with our current limitations—we've had fairly consistent scripture reading. We've completed some worthwhile challenges as a family. The children haven't resisted as much as I was afraid they would. We've had some good discussions. We've had a few REALLY GREAT discussions. And we're even getting used to the new rhythm of—what do I call it? "At-church" church? "Non-home" church? I've substituted in Primary/Nursery and it's definitely easier there!

And I do trust the Savior, that He knows what He's doing with His church. I feel like I've caught enough of a glimpse of His vision, that I can say I DO now have a testimony of this Home-Centered approach. And I am really grateful that I'm feeling so much better about it than I was a year ago! It's yet another example (I keep running into them!) of how the very things that seem like they'll be the biggest burdens can end up being the exact blessings you need! And it's not a bad illustration, either, of one of the personal "themes" that emerged from this most recent conference for me (see below)!

Now, as far as the October 2019 Conference goes—first of all, and thankfully, I definitely wasn't as shaken by any of the changes this year. I'm pretty excited about the new Youth program, and I'm interested to see how all the other changes play out!

Secondly, "my" theme of this Conference seemed to be Seeking Joy—specifically a sort of unconventional joy; a joy that is felt amidst sorrow and hard things. I really liked Elder Terence M. Vinson's story about his rugby injuries, and how "our enjoyment is greatest when we give the most." I have definitely experienced that in small ways, but I still have a hard time applying it to diverse situations in my life! But what a powerful teaching. "Giving our all"= Joy!

And then Elder Christofferson's talk was the perfect companion to Elder Vinson's. I loved his counterintuitive descriptions of joy through overcoming challenges, and joy through being pushed to our limits. I feel like if I can learn to FIND and FEEL the joy in those things (I have felt "pushed to my limits" almost constantly in this past year) it will help improve my perspective so much!

Elder Budge also said something similar, about how "afflictions and sorrow prepare us to experience joy."

I also, along with every other woman in the church I'm sure, LOVED President Nelson's talk from Women's Session. But I feel like I need to re-read it a million times before I truly understand the depth of it. It's going to be a big project, I imagine, to learn as much as I want to about accessing God's power to bless my family!

I also liked President Eyring's talk from the Women's Session. The week before conference I was listening to talks from the previous conference, and then I felt led to re-listen to President Eyring's talk about gospel learning in the home from the conference even before that (Oct 2018). I think when I heard that talk for the first time, I was still in such turmoil about the Home Church announcement, that I could hardly bear to hear President Eyring as he seemed to say that this responsibility was or should be ALL ON THE WOMEN'S SHOULDERS. (I know that's not really what he was saying, but to my fevered mind it kind of was.) But with some time and perspective I've really started to love the talk, and it had a bunch of stuff in it that I really needed to hear! I listened to it three times and am still pondering several insights from it.

With those ideas already in my head, I felt like Pres. Eyring's talk during this Women's Session was almost a continuation of or sequel to that talk from October 2018. It had some similar themes and, it seemed to me, a progression of the ideas that he introduced earlier. It also tied in with some things that Sam said to me in a recent blessing, so I felt a lot of personal meaning in the words as I listened. I really liked it and am looking forward to studying it more thoroughly soon!

A few other favorite talks:
Sister Craig's on revelation
Elder Owen's, on spiritual nourishment and connecting with heaven
Elder Holland's, of course
Elder Renlund's, of course (man, that Saturday morning session was a powerhouse!)
Elder Hans T. Boom's, and not just because he has a great name
Elder Ballard's—he has only recently become one of my favorites! I think it's because he used to seem too…businesslike and almost robotic, to me. But now I can see the DEEP feeling behind his words, and I love it, and him.


Other posts in this series:

We have prophets, seers, and revelators—by Jan Tolman
General Conference Retrospective—by G