An appropriate sense of personal confidence

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday Afternoon Session of the April 2005 Conference.

I can't believe I've reached Elder Bednar's "Tender Mercies" talk in this General Conference Odyssey. This talk feels to me like it was given within the last few years, not 19 years ago. It's so good! Just the best talk. I remember it so well, and have re-read it so many times, that it seems like I should write about one of the other talks—but none of the others seem so powerful and relevant. I love the doctrine, completely new to me at the time I heard this talk, that God sends his mercies and miracles to each of us in deliberately personal ways, and that he wants us to constantly see and notice them in our lives.

One thing that struck me on this re-read was that Elder Bednar didn't just come up with this idea on his own. He talks about the "spiritual impression" he received, and the way the verse about tender mercies "came to his mind" as his favorite hymn was sung. So that means, all this time I've been thinking, "ah yes, tender mercies, Elder Bednar is the one who told us about those," I should have been thinking "ah yes, tender mercies, Heavenly Father wanted us to know about those." That's true about every conference talk, I guess—ultimately it's God's message, not the speaker's. And I'm so grateful God wanted us taught (so well by Elder Bednar) about this concept. It's transformed the way I think about my life and the way I look for miracles!

I was just reading from Elder Soares' most recent talk about "covenant confidence," so I've been thinking about that. I love the idea that because of our covenants, and because we know God always keeps his promises, we can then have confidence in even our own side of the agreement: I'm imperfect, I will make mistakes, but God is perfect and will just keep giving me help and chances till I figure it out. Elder Soares says:

"The result of this sacred journey [of trying to become higher and holier disciples] is that we obtain a holier and higher confidence for our day-to-day lives within our covenants made through Jesus Christ.

Such confidence is the pinnacle of our divine connection with God and can help us increase our devotion to and gratitude for Jesus Christ and His atoning sacrifice.

And Elder Bednar says, similarly:

For instance, as you and I face challenges and tests in our lives, the gift of faith and an appropriate sense of personal confidence that reaches beyond our own capacity are two examples of the tender mercies of the Lord.

The way this confidence manifests itself in my life isn't really in some obvious change in my bearing or my leadership abilities or my never being scared about the future. It's more in how I react to being called on to do something hard or face something painful. I still feel that initial fear and reluctance! And it comes back often! But when it does come, I have something to fight it with: my knowledge that God has promised to help me, and I'm on the covenant path so I qualify for that help. I have to tell myself that truth over and over as the fear or uncertainty returns, or as another trial comes—but I do tell it to myself, and it does help.

A huge part of that confidence also comes from having written and being able to read back through the specific tender mercies God has given me. It amazes me how quickly I can forget or dismiss or generalize to "I haven't really had any spiritual experiences for a long time!"—only to look back at my "tender mercies" journal and see that God has literally been pouring down miracles on me, daily and weekly, constantly! And the more I see it, the more I am forced to acknowledge, "He does care! He does involve Himself in the smallest details! He does help me when I make the slightest effort and exercise the slightest faith! He does keep working through my imperfections no matter how much I think I've bungled things!" Satan is pretty good at bringing the doubt back (self-doubt especially) but the "tender mercies of the Lord" are so much stronger and more powerful, if I will look to them! Elder Bednar says it perfectly:

We should not underestimate or overlook the power of the Lord’s tender mercies. The simpleness, the sweetness, and the constancy of the tender mercies of the Lord will do much to fortify and protect us in the troubled times in which we do now and will yet live. When words cannot provide the solace we need or express the joy we feel, when it is simply futile to attempt to explain that which is unexplainable, when logic and reason cannot yield adequate understanding about the injustices and inequities of life, when mortal experience and evaluation are insufficient to produce a desired outcome, and when it seems that perhaps we are so totally alone, truly we are blessed by the tender mercies of the Lord and made mighty even unto the power of deliverance. 

I love his description of the "simpleness, sweetness, and constancy" of the Lord's mercies being the very things that make them enormously important in our lives. I think I've written before that in some ways, the smaller the tender mercy, the more loved and important it makes me feel! It's easy for me to believe that the Lord cares about countries and peoples—that He helped the Berlin Wall fall, that He wants a temple in Russia, that He will help missionaries find His seeking children. But that He might care about if the refreshments turn out well for the Great to Be Eight night! Or that he might care if our family sees the solar eclipse or not! Or that He might help me find my debit card which I lost through my own dumb carelessness! Those tender mercies fill me with awe and gratitude, and reassure me during my periods of fear and uncertainty that "if He helped me then, surely He will help me now!"

I'm so grateful for this talk, for its help in teaching me to look for God's tender mercies, and especially for the comfort and confidence this doctrine has given and continues to give me in my daily life!