The Kitchen Counter, revisited

It seems high time to again contemplate the Slice of Life that is our kitchen counter. I will just point out that a scene like this, contrary to what it may seem, does not take geologic eons to accumulate. This is the work of only a few days—perhaps a week—and some items were likely even removed during that time. Perhaps it will serve as a sort of anthropological study for those of you who have never seen this sort of thing (and to my Mom: if you're here, I encourage you to just click away quickly—this isn't a scene for your delicate sensibilities).

1. Recipe for sugar cookies, used to make heart-shaped cookies on Valentine's Day. (It's somewhat remarkable that the cookie cutters aren't still out—the box of cookie-cutters is notorious for being left out weeks beyond its day of use, probably because putting it away necessitates moving a bunch of rubbermaid containers AND the toaster, which task no one in his right mind will take on voluntarily.) The cookies, I will add, were very good—we tried a new sour cream frosting that was delicious and not too sweet.

2. Open bag of English muffins, with butter nearby for spreading. (Sam protests that these items had "just barely been gotten out" and shouldn't really count for this picture.)

3. Two rolls of tape; one packing, one duct (purple). Why? Why?

4. Bottle #1 of "Goo-gone kitchen de-greaser," near toy rolling pin.

4a. Bottle #2 of "Goo-gone kitchen de-greaser," near baking soda; one bottle alone apparently not having been satisfactory. Also toy banana. (The presence of these twin Goo-gones would be less offensive to me had they, in fact, been used to facilitate any goo going. I believe they, with their baking soda counterpart, were part of an attempt by Sebastian to remove dried paint from a door handle.)

5. Bag box, with bags in it (presumably).

6. Dremel bit, also enlisted (unsuccessfully) in the get-paint-off-the-door-handle project. Plus red flowered headband, removed mid-day from someone's hair (why? why?)

7. Ripped-off lid to box of "Stretch-tite" plastic wrap. Because why would someone take a moment to open the lid the right way, when he could just rip it off, damaging the built-in cutting blade and ensuring that the plastic wrap would forevermore have to be wrenched from the roll awkwardly and unevenly, as if by wild badgers?

8. Toy teacup. And fork. Since anyone who was small enough to use this teacup was also likely too small to reach this far onto the counter, we may deduce from the teacup's position that its relative age is somewhat older than the things outside of it, and it was pushed slowly inward as newer objects were added to the counter's edge.

9. Instant Pot. In use often enough that it's usually not worth putting away.

10. Unopened vote-by-mail ballot. One of two.

11. Crocheted piece of cheese. From this hamburger. Not strictly ON the counter, but included here since it probably fell off recently. 

12. Bib drying on the knife block, naturally.

13. Somewhat wilted vase of flowers. Can't bear to throw out, as they are so sunny and bright, and keep meaning to extract the wilted ones and refresh the bouquet.

14. Folder with copy of Sebastian's Eagle Scout Project papers. Second version of said papers, due to the Scout Office having LOST the first copy while we waited for months wondering what was going on. Being required to fill out a second set of Eagle paperwork, after one has already spent approximately 5000% more time satisfying bureaucratic demands than one had ever wished to in one's lifetime, ought to—in my opinion—qualify one, if not for actual sainthood, at least for a very desirable position in paradise. And encouraging/ galvanizing one's SON in the filling out of a second set of Eagle paperwork ought, obviously, to send a person straight to celestial glory.

15. Pink fur doll coat, on top of valentines.

15a. More valentines. And toy blender.

16. Rockhounding Utah, having been (erroneously) "cleaned up" from its usual place in the car.

17. Extension cord.

18. Lonely paper plate that didn't get used to take Valentine cookies to anyone.

19. Griddle, with orphaned laminator tray on top of it, topped by package of paper napkins. Second, different, package of paper napkins leaned artfully against the first, possibly for decorative effect. (Geologic dating principles can be used here, as in #8.)

20. Amaryllis, looking somewhat indecent with its splayed-out leaves.

21. Black bean cans (12) and green chili cans (12).

22. Paint tray with roller in it, from Sebastian's re-painting of the front door. Paint has, mercifully, been cleaned out of roller, but this is nevertheless a tableau that illustrates the well-known 80% rule ("No job given to children ever gets more than 80% finished without repeated nagging and/or the passage of a great deal of time"). Come to think of it, 4-5 things on this counter are illustrations of that rule.

23. Super Soaker, used first soberly and responsibly for our homeschool unit on Inventors and Inventions, and then furtively and unsanctionedly for the harassment of siblings. Sam wants me to point out that it's only on the counter because he removed it from the sink.

24. Vintage Slinky, also used for school. Did you know that the older slinkies are slightly wider and heavier than the new ones, and thus much more effective at walking down stairs?