Shun Contention. Seek Godliness.

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday Afternoon Session of the April 1989 Conference.

It's weird. If you had asked me 20 years ago if contention was a problem in my life, I would have said no way. I considered myself a pretty easygoing, non-confrontational, even patient person (ha! what did I know?) and I figured that since I didn't like contention, it would be pretty easy to avoid it.

Now I feel like contention—dealing with it, trying to avoid it, trying to inspire those around me to avoid it—is a major everyday issue. It's one of the things I get most discouraged about in both family life and society, and it seems to be only getting worse all the time.

President Nelson spoke about contention in his Maxwellishly-titled talk, "The Canker of Contention." Here are a few excerpts:

My concern is that contention is becoming accepted as a way of life. From what we see and hear in the media, the classroom, and the workplace, all are now infected to some degree with contention. How easy it is, yet how wrong it is, to allow habits of contention to pervade matters of spiritual significance, because contention is forbidden by divine decree…

The work of the adversary may be likened to loading guns in opposition to the work of God. Salvos containing germs of contention are aimed and fired at strategic targets essential to that holy work. These vital targets include—in addition to the individual—the family, leaders of the Church, and divine doctrine.

This made me shudder: "salvos containing germs of contention"! Ugh! But it's true and I can think of about fifteen of these just offhand—topics that I could bring up in pretty much any group of people and instantly cause an argument. The thing that makes me feel worst about it, though, is that I know I'm not immune myself. And half the time I don't know which way I'm failing the most—by not defending my faith and beliefs vigorously enough, or by not being compassionate enough toward those who want to attack them. It's easy enough to say (as President Nelson does in this talk) "we can disagree without being disagreeable"—but exactly how to do that is a pretty big question for me, both on a macro level in society and on a micro level in my own home!

Luckily this talk has some ideas about that:

What can we do to combat this canker of contention? What steps may each of us take to supplant the spirit of contention with a spirit of personal peace? 

To begin, show compassionate concern for others. Control the tongue, the pen, and the word processor. Whenever tempted to dispute, remember this proverb: “He that is void of wisdom despiseth his neighbour: but a man of understanding holdeth his peace.”

"A man of understanding holdeth his peace"…that's pretty powerful. To me, it means being reeeeally selective about the times I even get into those argumentative "discussions" at all. But, unfortunately, I have also learned that I can't actually avoid them altogether, especially when the contention has an urgent consequence or is within my own family. President Nelson advises:

But the ultimate step lies beyond beginning control of expression. Personal peace is reached when one, in humble submissiveness, truly loves God. Heed carefully this scripture: 

“There was no contention in the land, because of the love of God which did dwell in the hearts of the people.” 

Thus, love of God should be our aim.…

Through love of God, the pain caused by the fiery canker of contention will be extinguished from the soul.…

Shun contention. Seek godliness. Be enlightened by eternal truth. Be like-minded with the Lord in love and united with Him in faith. Then shall “the peace of God, which passeth all understanding,” be yours, to bless you and your posterity through generations yet to come.

I keep wishing I could "shun contention" by going off to live all by myself in a hermit's cottage in the mountains. I would only let people who agree with me in every particular come to visit. :) But I have to assume that such a life wouldn't teach me the lessons I needed to learn. I need to learn how to shun contention here in the real world, in the middle of messy, contentious, aggravating real life. I need to learn how to seek godliness as contention's antidote. And I have to just hope and trust that my children and those around me will someday decide within themselves to do the same!


Other posts in this series:

Become your own judges—by Nathaniel Givens
The Kindred Family—by G.
And my soul cries "Is anyone there?"—by Jan Tolman