Goodbye, Abe

He likes the first picture, pre-haircut. I like the second, of course.

Back in the mists of time when Sam and I had only one baby, and that baby was Baby Abey, I used to be so pleased that our initials—Sam, Abraham, Marilyn—spelled SAM. It seemed right somehow that together, we made up one unit, and that unit was also…one of us! Like fractals, if you follow me. So I guess there is something fitting about the fact that Abe goes off into the Missionary Training Center on…Sam's birthday! Today! (Except not really today…since I am writing this post in advance.) I'm losing a son and gaining a husband…or something like that.

Anyway, it feels like I ought to give Abe SOME sort of sendoff here before his mission. Thinking about Abe, our family, and my own role as his mother occupies a great deal of my thoughts these days, but many of those thoughts are…inexpressible, for one reason or another. At the same time, it's been sweet to me, thinking about the parts of Sam (and me!) that Abe will…and won't…carry with him as he launches off into the mission field and beyond. So I thought it might be fun to list some of those things I've been thinking about.

Ways Abe is like Sam:

• He's obedient even when he doesn't particularly feel like being so. (That's something Sam learned on his mission.)

• He does what has to be done. If there's something unpleasant looming over him, he may put it off for a time, but he will do it. And he will do it well.

• He works hard. Once he's put his back into something, he completes it.

• He retains random information, like the contents of various Psych episodes, or facts about the Marvel Universe. He will share that information at the opportune moment for either a.) comic effect or b.) to win an argument.

• He's capable and figures things out. If you need something fixed, retrieved, rigged up, or fit in—Abe can do it. Whether he WILL do it…depends on who's asking.

• He loves to laugh. Even better, he loves to make other people laugh.

• He loves to introduce people to experiences he loves. He really enjoys taking his younger siblings to movies or out to lunch, and though he WILL go alone if he has to, he'd much rather take someone that hasn't seen that movie/eaten that food before, and have the joy of seeing them experience it too. (I'm hoping this talent will come through as he introduces people to the gospel of Jesus Christ.)

Ways Abe's like me:

• He's polite and measured in his public conversation, but when he gets into the safety of an intimate talk, he doesn't hold back from speaking his mind! Many's the time I've heard him say he "abhors" something or "can't stand the inconsistency in _____." He gets very exercised about politics, government, and economics, and does not see much call (in private, anyway) for moderating his views! This is not necessarily a trait I am proud of in myself, and it's a little alarming to see it multiplied fivefold in him. Hmm. The upside is, he's passionate and eloquent in defense of his principles, and thus can (theoretically) be a force for good, if pointed in the right direction. Ha!

• He loves to eat good food, and would rather eat…nothing, than eat something less-than-ideal!

• He loves to delve deep into the worlds he likes. He'll dive with great nerdiness into themes, characters, metaphysical questions, philosophical implications…and if he can find someone to dive with him, pity the fool who comes upon them deep in conversation and hopes to escape with a perfunctory "It was pretty good, I guess." Abe and Malachi do this deep-diving into board games and it goes mostly over the heads of the rest of us, but one of the joys of my life has been reading books with Abe. I gave him a "Great Books" list to read for High School and we went out to lunch every month or so to discuss what he'd read. More recently, he got me into Brandon Sanderson's Stormlight Archive (which I never would have read on my own, having a personal policy against starting any thousand-page multi-book series that aren't even finished yet 😩) and would not let me rest (and I mean that literally…he was hounding me morning and night) until I'd finished all four of them. Then he took ME to lunch and we hashed out all our questions, interests, and speculations. Great fun.

• He prides himself, perhaps unduly sometimes, on not following the crowd. He will sometimes have to sheepishly admit to liking something after all, when he'd been determined not to like it because "too many other people like it." (This was the case with the aforementioned Stormlight Archive, in fact.) Other times, he remains a proud outlier (for example, joining me as a Harry Potter naysayer, to our credit or discredit—you decide).

• In spite of this, he wants to be liked, usually IS liked, and finds it a little incomprehensible if he ever ISN'T liked by those around him. He works hard, does his duty, and is pleasant to others no matter what, with a dash of self-awareness thrown in, which is generally a winning combination.

• He likes stuffed animals and secretly thinks they're alive, to the point that he feels a bit guilty after throwing them on the floor or rolling them down the hill. But not guilty enough to stop.

• He doesn't like to see others in distress. He has a tender heart and often finds small ways to comfort and uplift in a given situation, without overreacting or embarrassing anyone, when he senses something amiss.

And some ways he is all his own…

• In spite of the above, he's matter-of-fact. He doesn't have much use for the over-anxious, the ultra-dramatic, or even the sentimental. He can occasionally be found patting my shoulder with a bemused look on his face when I fall victim to one of the above.

• He prizes his own quirkiness in a few areas and cares not in the slightest if others find it strange. In fact, he enjoys that. He brought a 6-foot-tall stuffed giraffe to his seminary class once, for example, and just set it next to his desk without saying a word and proceeded to act utterly normal about it for the rest of the class period. He also wrote only aliases (the sillier the better) instead of his real name in that class, again without comment or explanation. He had a glitter-pink scripture case for years, and just said "Thank you" equably whenever anyone commented sarcastically about it.

• He loves board and card games, the more complex the better, and especially loves introducing them to others (see above) and then strategizing about them with an almost mechanical precision.

• He's great at math, grasping concepts in that intuitive sort of way that (as far as I know) can't be taught. He loves seeing how things fit together, and respects anyone who helps him do this, whether in the scriptures or in physics.

• Maybe a manifestation of the previous point, he likes to organize things around him: himself, his room, his schedule. He is not always neat, but he definitely always thinks that he can come up with a better way of doing things when he sees "sloppiness" in any form. He is always tinkering with something to make it more efficient or more intuitive, whether it's the menu layout at the diner he worked at, the way we divide up house-cleaning, or the fit of his board games inside their boxes.

• He's got a stubborn streak (and maybe this should go under me or Sam above, because don't we all, when it comes to things we really think we're right about?)—but just when you think Abe is the mildest, most laid-back person on the planet, he will astonish you by being absolutely immoveable on what appears to you an extremely minor point.

• He does not like eggs, and it is a great disappointment to the rest of us that he is missing out on this Food of Foods. But he likes most everything else, so I suppose we will excuse him.

Oh Abe, Abe, Abe. Such an essential part of our family. What are we going to do without him??