A little of everything

February, along with August, is Birthday Season! My birthday was on a Sunday this year and the best part of the day was watching how happy Gus was to ride on the chair cart after church. :)

Clementine and I both wore bunny dresses, of course!

Teddy's birthday present from Daisy was to make a little movie with her. He was the handsome Mr. Darcy.

Bunny cakes!

1

To reconnect here with the love we felt there

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday Morning Session of the October 2004 Conference.

I've always loved hearing Elder John H. Groberg's mission stories, but his talk in this session had so many good doctrinal insights too! I have been thinking this week about how much I wish I could teach my children the concept of real love and how to feel it. Elder Groberg says:

Every person who comes to earth is a spirit son or daughter of God. Since all love emanates from God, we are born with the capacity and the desire to love and to be loved. One of the strongest connections we have with our premortal life is how much our Father and Jesus loved us and how much we loved Them. Even though a veil was drawn over our memory, whenever we sense true love, it awakens a longing that cannot be denied.

Responding to true love is part of our very being. We innately desire to reconnect here with the love we felt there. Only as we feel God’s love and fill our hearts with His love can we be truly happy.

I know my children feel this longing for love. The little ones just reach out for it and drink it in. It's so easy to help them feel loved! But the older kids seem to feel the longing as a deep loneliness and sadness that surfaces sometimes. They want connection. They think they'll find it with friends or by having people admire them. I want so much to help them understand this principle:

Trying to find lasting love without obeying God is like trying to quench thirst by drinking from an empty cup—you can go through the motions, but the thirst remains. Similarly, trying to find love without helping and sacrificing for others is like trying to live without eating—it is against the laws of nature and cannot succeed. We cannot fake love. It must become part of us.

Elder Groberg also talks about the cyclical nature of love I wrote about a few weeks ago:

The more we obey God, the more we desire to help others. The more we help others, the more we love God and on and on. Conversely, the more we disobey God and the more selfish we are, the less love we feel.

I guess maybe to really understand this (and I'm sure I don't even "really understand" it as much as I could myself) you just have to have repeated personal experience with it in your life. I don't think as a college student I could have grasped how much my own happiness would depend, not on what happened to me or what other people thought of me or if I was "successful" in my goals…but on how much I tried to align my will with God's, and how much I tried to serve others. At that time, I knew I "should" obey God (and I tried to!) but I didn't realize that doing so would give me all the other things I was craving…peace, acceptance, meaning, love! I didn't realize that focusing so intensely on myself (what I was feeling, if people liked me, if I was "happy enough,") was the very thing making me unhappy! 

That makes it sound as if I've mastered it now, but of course I haven't. I still have to tell myself "Forget yourself and go to work!" about five times a day! But I have at least seen glimpses of the way serving God and others fills my own heart with peace and comfort. And this is just so beautiful:

When filled with God’s love, we can do and see and understand things that we could not otherwise do or see or understand. Filled with His love, we can endure pain, quell fear, forgive freely, avoid contention, renew strength, and bless and help others in ways surprising even to us.

I loved this reminder that for all of my worries and troubles and times of confusion, God's love is the universal cure. "The answer is always Jesus Christ!"

1

Not only afar off, but here and now

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Young Women's Session of the April 2004 Conference.

My favorite talk from this session was by Susan W. Tanner, All Things Shall Work Together for Your Good. The title is one of my favorite scripture quotes (which apparently is not from just one scripture but many!) so I knew I was going to like it right away.

She starts out like this:

I love to read. But I can hardly stand it if a novel gets too intense—if the hero’s life is too dangerous or sad or complicated. So I have to read ahead to the end just to make sure that everything will turn out all right for the main character.

In a sense all of us are in the middle of our own novels, our own life stories. Sometimes our stories feel very intense, and we would like to read ahead to know our own end, to make sure that everything is going to turn out all right. While we don’t know the particular details of our life’s experiences, fortunately we do know something about our futures, if we live worthily.

I'm just like Sister Tanner in that I sometimes feel like I can't stand not knowing how things will all turn out! And I wish I could read ahead too! not just myself but for all of those I love. But what if the end was BAD? I sometimes wonder how Nephi endured knowing how things would turn out for his brothers in the end. It seems too sad.

(This is getting off-topic from the talk, but I wonder if Nephi didn't actually see Laman and Lemuel's ends specifically. Maybe he only saw further into the future, down to their great-great-great grandchildren. Maybe it would be too painful, and not helpful, to see anything sooner than that. Because who knows but what Laman and Lemuel, after having taught their children to hate the Nephites, saw and realized the pain and sorrow it caused? Maybe as 80-year-old men, they were sad and sorry, and tried to stop their children from being so angry and resentful, but it was too late. And they went to their graves repentant and sorry, ready to trust God's promises of repentance, and to renew their hope for even their badly-taught children after many generations passed away. I like to think so, anyway.)

Anyway, I guess it's not completely off-topic, because that hope is what Sister Tanner says is the whole reason God tells us "all things shall work together for our good":

This promise comes from a tender, caring Father who desires to bless us and give us reason to hope through our earthly journey. Knowing that eventually all things will work together for our good will help us endure affliction like the faithful people from the scriptures who knew of His promises and trusted in them, “having seen them afar off, and were persuaded of them, and embraced them.” We too can embrace this promise.

I like thinking that God specifically intends to "give us a reason to hope." I like imagining Him giving us promises purposefully so we can stop worrying so much, so we can relax and just learn from our experiences instead of being so intensely fearful that we'll mess them up. (Too bad I am so bad at doing this!) And I like the idea that the promise "all things shall work together for our good" can bring us hope even in the interim, while we are waiting for other promises to be fulfilled:

While it may be true in some instances that our promised blessings will be fulfilled only in the eternities, it is also true that as we search, pray, and believe, we will often recognize things working together for our good in this life.

As I read the stories of Jesus’ Apostles after His death, I see that they were frequently and brutally persecuted, stoned, and imprisoned. But they lived with courage and faith. They knew that ultimately all things would work together for their good. They also knew that through interim blessings and miracles, things were working out. They were sustained, tutored, and protected. They embraced the promises not only afar off but here and now as well.

I've written about this idea before, but I've been thinking about it again because of something my friend said about grumpy teenagers—which is that even the worst and hardest parts are not ceaselessly hard. She reminded me, "It won’t actually be consistent YEARS. It will be a few hours here. A weekend there. And then many times of the teen grumps being cast aside because they just can’t help but be their normal and bright selves sometimes! Often!" She is right, and I should know that! I've experienced that principle amid the hardest things in my life—there are still happy moments, tender mercies, hours of peace. And I can choose to believe in those "interim blessings and miracles" just as I believe in the ultimate ones!

Sister Tanner ends by talking about how we ourselves can actually participate in the fulfillment of "all things shall work together for our good" in other people's lives. I love that too. Being able to see "the tenderness with which Heavenly Father reaches out to bless those around me in their individual needs" is one of the gifts mentioned in my patriarchal blessing, and it is truly a magnificent gift. I love to hear about the miracles and mercies and blessings that God provides to make all things work together for the good of those I love most, and it makes me feel nearly as cared for and loved as seeing Him do all those things for ME!

I testify that Heavenly Father is a tender, loving parent who desires to bless us with all that He has. As we search, pray, and believe, we will recognize miracles in our lives and become miracle workers in the lives of others. We will be persuaded of His promise that all things shall work together for our good.

Amen!

4

Abe's Homecoming

He's home, he's home! He came home on Sam's birthday. We were all excited, of course, but I was apprehensive too—not sure how Abe would be feeling, not sure what the mood would be. I know returned missionaries sometimes have trouble finding their place after their missions, and I know they have mixed emotions upon leaving the friends and purpose they've gained in the past two years. I was afraid he'd be too sad to be happy to see us! So, knowing all this, I wondered if I would feel mixed emotions too? But it turned out, when the time came, I didn't! It didn't matter if Abe was filled with pure joy or not (though of course I hope he was!)—my joy was deeper and bigger than almost anything I've felt before! It surprised me a little! But I was so happy to see him, so happy to hug him, so happy to finally feel the hole—a hole I didn't even realize was still inside me!—filled back up by having our whole family together again!

I know we don't really have him back again, not for good. Several people have pointed that out to me this week—that this is really just the beginning of the separation where children go away and don't ever come back as children again. It's the way things are supposed to be and I'm (theoretically) okay with it. Of course I want Abe to grow more independent, to start his own family, to build his own life! He and Seb already have imminent plans. But come on, can't I just enjoy this time for a minute? All of us under one roof, the dinner table full, barely enough seats in the car? It is joyful even when it's chaotic and exhausting—joyful because now I'm starting to know what it means.

Sebastian took most of the airport photos. I was so grateful because I knew I wouldn't have any attention to spare for pictures, but I wanted pictures!

(Seb just got a job at the airport, so even amid the excitement of Abe's arrival, everyone had extra interest in seeing how the taxiways were laid out and how the baggage carts work, etc. The little boys have never seen airplanes up close before and were delighted with how BIG they are!)

Ky wasn't able to come to airport with us, blast him, but was happy to greet Abe (with panda bears) when we got back home!

Everyone!

Almost everyone!

Clementine was seven months old when Abe left on his mission, so I thought she'd be more shy around him, but I guess talking to him on the phone has helped her get over that. She was happy to sit on his lap and ask him questions and explain seriously to anyone who would listen, "Abey HERE now."

A full dinner table!

Abe gave a wonderful homecoming talk in sacrament meeting, full of power and spirit, and I listened to him in amazement. (The Zoom link to the meeting didn't work for my out-of-state brothers, unfortunately, but my oldest brother Kenneth wrote to me, "We were sad not to be able to hear Abe’s homecoming talk, but the talk we imagined him giving was one of the greatest talks ever delivered anywhere, missionary homecoming or otherwise, and is still warming our hearts and lifting our spirits as we think back on it today." Ha!)

Abe wanted Greek food for lunch with family and friends afterward, and once you eat homemade pita you can't go back, so we spent two hours before church just cranking out pita and cooking it on griddles and in the pizza oven. We had piles of it! About 140 pita, I think (though to be precise, a few dozen were actually naan). It nearly all got eaten, which did my heart good (I do love to feed people good food).

Daisy's pita factory

The house was so happy and loud filled with all the people who love Abe!

Pita, chicken, feta, hummus, red pepper hummus, tomatoes, olives, onions, cucumbers, feta sauce, tzatziki. Such a good spread!

Elder Bruce Hafen said that the whole purpose of the plan of happiness is "so we can return home and know what it means to be there." I'm not sure this homecoming is fully like that, for Abe—though I bet he knows more of what home means than he used to! But for me, his homecoming does have a little of that flavor—the glimpse of eternity behind the present. The purpose beneath sorrow. The deep joy beneath the mundane. It makes me look to future homecomings, earthly and heavenly, and anticipate experiencing them, too, in the context of "what a fulness means."

4

Bringing the Lord to a fulness of joy

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday Afternoon Session of the April 2004 Conference.

This session had such beautiful talks on the atonement of Jesus Christ! Elder Bruce Hafen sounds like Elder Maxwell (I know they were friends) when he talks about the price of Christ's atonement. I love his insight that in this earth life we are "trying to master the lessons of 'the great plan of happiness' so we can return home and know what it means to be there." 

And Elder Ballard's talk came after the recent death of his grandson, and was so heartfelt. How could I have ever thought he was boring to listen to? I feel like I know him better now, looking backwards. I loved these words from his talk:

We are part of [Heavenly Father's] family. He is not a father in some allegorical or poetic sense. He is literally the Father of our spirits. He cares for each one of us.…In that unprecedented appearance of the Father and the Son in the Sacred Grove, the very first word spoken by the Father of us all was the personal name of Joseph. Such is our Father’s personal relationship with each of us. He knows our names and yearns for us to become worthy to return to live with Him.

He continued this theme about how Heavenly Father "yearns for us" to come back to Him, and I really liked it. I've mostly only thought about the promise that for us, how great shall be our joy if we bring but one soul unto him. I haven't thought much about my ability to bring joy to God—it seems so insignificant in comparison to the joy He brings to me—but I love the thought that there's something I can do that will truly bring Him joy.

It was Jesus who said, “If … you should labor all your days in crying repentance unto this people, and bring, save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father!”. Not only that, but great shall be the Lord’s joy in the soul that repenteth! For precious unto Him is the one.…

Each one of us is precious to the point of bringing the Lord God Almighty to a fulness of joy if we are faithful, or to tears if we are not.

Maybe partly because of our Abe returning from home his mission this week, I find the image of God Himself "rejoicing over one soul" (and crying over one soul!) so powerful! Again, I already knew that I would love returning home to Heavenly Father and Mother, but to think that They, also, just as much, will love having me back? It's so amazing! It's powerful because it makes me want to bring that joy to Them myself. And it's powerful because it makes me see how much my love for others, helping my brothers and sisters return to Them, means to my Heavenly Parents as well.

1

The common and ordinary things in their true meaning

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday Morning Session of the April 2004 Conference.

Such good talks this week! Many I have remembered for all these years. Julie B. Beck's "A Mother Heart" is so good. Dennis E. Simmons' "But if Not." President Packer's "Do Not Fear." But the quote that stuck out to me this time was from President Faust's talk about "messages from God." He talks about all the ways God might speak to us—through prophets, through our parents (interesting!), through revelation. And he talks about different ways of receiving revelation:

Some of us may need something startling like a burning bush experience to awaken our senses. In such an experience the essential nature of something—a person, a situation, an object—is suddenly perceived. We understand this to be inspiration. To be able to perceive by inspiration the common and ordinary things of life in their true meaning is a special gift. Many people fail to perceive inspiration because God’s “great power … looks small unto the understanding of men” or because they are “less and less astonished at a sign or a wonder from heaven.”

Something about the way he worded this caught my attention. I think it was the idea of "the essential nature of something" being what we are trying to discern. We can discern it in sudden flashes of inspiration (sudden strokes of ideas, like Joseph Smith said) but we can also discern it slowly in "the common and ordinary things of life." And if we don't see it there, it's because we aren't opening our eyes to it.

I interpret this to mean that "the essential nature" of the things we need to know will remain hidden to us unless we're willing to look for God everywhere—in the most common and the most ordinary places. As a mother, I'm intrigued by that. What do I learn about the "essential nature" of my children, or of families, or of myself, through doing laundry? Through planning and cooking and cleaning up meals three times a day? What do I learn about the essential nature of motherhood through cleaning up after a sick child? What do I learn about the essential nature of charity through heartache and disappointment? What do I learn about the essential nature of God through trying to get my children to obey? 

It makes me wonder if I can learn about the "true meaning" of all of those types of "essential nature" through any of those "common and ordinary things of life"? It seems farfetched on the face of it, but I actually have already learned so many unexpected truths through just…the regular living of life—but only when I remember to reflect, to look for something more instead of just getting caught up in the drudgery of it all. This talk makes me want to look even harder.

Other posts in this series:

Do Not Fear—by Rozy

0