Making Life Easier, Part II

I've been trying to think of things we do that make life easier for us. I got really long-winded about it (and probably more opinionated than I usually admit to being) so this is Part II. Go here for Part I.

Some more things that have made life easier:

• Here's one I know lots of people won't agree with for their families, but we don't have TV (we have a TV, but not TV, if that makes sense) or game systems. For me, it's what I grew up with, so it doesn't seem weird. And since we've never had any of that, our kids don't miss it, and it doesn't occur to me as a way to entertain them, either. I know putting on a movie to keep the kids quiet for awhile is a lifesaver for some people. I don't think it's a bad thing to do. But it's just not in my arsenal. They do other things to keep themselves busy. They like reading (even the non-readers like to page through books) and pretending and making things, and while they may be somewhat culturally illiterate—well, so was I, growing up.

• We do have movie night as a family, once a month. And that's A Great Occasion which our kids love. And we watch movies or video clips for school, fairly often. And they play games at their friends' houses. I have no problem with any of that. It's just, I don't want to have to deal with regulating all the "stuff" that goes along with TV and Video Games right now (how much time, when, whose turn, what's appropriate) so we've just chosen not to. For us, the drawbacks of the kids having access to TV/Movies/Games outweigh the benefits right now. (And we do have computer use which has to be regulated, so it's not like we get to avoid the issue altogether.)  I do think this has contributed to my kids' ability to entertain themselves and not be bored.

• Along with that, I think Required Reading Time is the root of all evil. Too strong? Okay, let's just say it's, at best, unhelpful. And I say that as someone who won every reading prize my elementary school offered. I just think reading is sometimes set forth as this thing that is an inherent good in itself, when it should be seen as a tool. Sure, you have to be able to read to get anywhere in life, and I think being a good reader is key to being a good writer and even a good thinker. It's essential. But reading out of duty, just reading anything so you can say you read this many minutes or this many books, means nothing. Reading books that pull you away from light and truth is just as much of a waste of time as any other worthless entertainment. And teaching kids that reading is something so full of drudgery that you need rewards to make it worth it, is almost guaranteed to make them dislike it, or at least, not grow to LOVE it and USE it to help them learn about the things they care about. I'm sure the read-a-thons and minutes and prizes motivate some kids, but I'm equally sure that they drive other kids into the "learning is a chore" camp, and that seems to me like a far more dangerous outcome. If my child has some basic skills for reading and now only needs more practice, than I just quit bugging him about it! I assume all kids are going to like reading something, and so I treat it as a given in their lives. We have tons of books around the house, and once they see that we read because we love it and because it's a way of finding out so many of those things in life we're interested in, they will come to love it on their own. Sure, I recommend books to them, tell them about things they might like, discuss things I have liked. But I don't make them read for a set time, or tell them they get a "prize" for reading, and I certainly don't act anxious about whether or not they're doing "enough" of it. Reading IS its own reward. And any of my initially "reluctant readers," so far, have responded beautifully.

• Two words: Laundry Day. For me, there's nothing more depressing and futile-seeming than a constant flow of laundry. So we do it only once a week. It usually takes most of the day to get all the loads washed and dried or hung, but it's not constant work, so as long as we're not going anywhere in particular, it's not that much effort to fit it in around other stuff. The key is that once laundry day is over, we don't have to worry about laundry again for another week! I guess it's not technically just one day, because we fold and put everything away the next day, but the kids are trained to do this all on their own, or if I do it myself (I find folding laundry kind of soothing) they at least each take their own things out of the living room and put them away.

• Another thing that makes life with kids easier for us is a concept I call "lower the bar." Ha! Unless we're talking about preparing young people for missions, we embrace this idea fully. So for birthdays and Christmas, we do very few presents. (1-2 for birthdays, 2-3 for Christmas.) We don't do big birthday parties because for me, that's not fun or even really possible with so many of us. We'd be planning parties all year long! Of course I want the kids to feel appreciated and have fun. But we have fun "our way." Which means it all is kept very, very simple. Sam and I can get excited about the silliest little things and we encourage our kids (through our example, I guess, and a little bit of lecturing) to do the same. After we've done something as a family, we talk it up for the next several weeks—how fun it was, all the things we remember. We gloss over the bad (like if someone was complaining and whining that she was tired, we just pretend that never happened), by design, so the memories turn sweeter in the telling. After we do something I try not to say negative things, even to Sam, like, "Well, THAT swimming pool was a stupid one" (even if I'm thinking it) because I want my kids to appreciate the things we do even if they aren't The Biggest, Best, Most Exciting Thing. So "having a picnic in the backyard" or "hiking" or "playing at a playground together" or "getting a couple of milkshakes at JCW's and we will all share them!" are all treated as A Fun and Lucky Thing To Do, for birthdays or other special occasions. I know we won't be able to do the waterpark or Lagoon or whatever every time, so we might as well just train the kids to expect and enjoy the smaller things. It seems to be working so far.

I could go on and on (and I have), but I guess that's all I'm going to list for now. I don't know, maybe it doesn't sound very fun to be a child at our house. I think we're stricter parents than some people we know. But being strict on these things Makes Life Easier, and when life is easier, I think I'm also (paradoxically) more fun, more relaxed, more ready to enjoy my children. And when they obey the things we do enforce, we can also give them a lot of space to play around, be kids, and learn to be self-reliant. Best of all, they can sense how much we genuinely like them, and I think it makes them feel less stress about life, too.

I'm always curious about how other families function, and eager to learn new things that will help our lives go more smoothly, so feel free to chime in with any other tips for making life easier!