Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Ways in which I am like an old lady

(In this picture I am the enigmatic Madame Defarge. You know, from A Tale of Two Cities.
Later, I showed my true colors with my denouncement of D'arnabraham as a nobleman and an enemy of the people. But that's another story.)

I think I've always felt older than I am.  It will be nice for me as I age, I suppose, to be growing more and more age-appropriate in my ideas and interests (rather than trying vainly to hold onto my receding youth).
(Note: I reserve the right to not be like an old lady in every aspect of life)

Ways in which I am like an old lady

  • I don't like roller coasters, or really, excitement of any kind
  • I don't like watching others on roller coasters
  • I wear my pants too high
  • I frequently bemoan the death of "good manners"
  • My first, visceral response to seeing Olympic skiers at the peak of their sport, executing jumps and other maneuvers with great physical skill, is, "Stop! Someone is going to get hurt!"  
  • I would rather sit home under a blanket with my raspberry-leaf tea than go anywhere
  • I shake my head sadly at the state of Today's Youth (hopefully I will learn to overcome this one when I am a parent to some of Today's Youth)
  • I creak when I get out of bed
  • I think most music is Too Loud
  • I always complain that the action in movies is "moving too fast" [sometimes I follow this with, "When I was a kid, they had nice slow-moving movies . . . like Sleeping Beauty!"]
  • I fall asleep reading
  • I find myself unable to utter "slang" words such as "cop" and "bucks"  ["Don't say 'awful,' Jo; it's slang!"] 
  • I darn socks
  • I crochet [May not count---becoming trendy]
  • I tell my children that "all I want for [insert holiday] is for my children to get along with each other!" [this is the ultimate old-person thing---my Dad always used to say this and I thought it was so lame---I thought for sure he was just saying it to manipulate us and not because he really didn't want anything---but now I find it's true for me too!  Sorry, Dad!]
  • I forget things
  • I have referred to various persons of my acquaintance as "a nice young man"
  • I sometimes clutch my seat handle and murmur "Oh!" in a feeble, tremulous tone while Sam is driving

7 comments:

  1. oh my stars. your lists are the best things in modern literature.

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  2. The funny thing is, most of this list has been true ever since I met you 10(!) years ago.

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  3. Check, check, check . . . yep, I am right there with you. I have had to come to grips with the action in movies, since Seth enjoys action movies so much. I just deal with it by ducking under a blanket until all the killing/fighting is over. So we could be old maids together someday--what do you say?

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  4. Haha! Welcome to the Ancient-Young Adult club, Marilyn! Ever since I was in high school I've been looking forward to my days in a retirement home. I just didn't understand that achy joints come with old age, and alas! I've already crossed over into that not-so-coveted stage of life!

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  5. Hee hee. That was hilarious. I'm with you on some. I cannot, though, manage to fall asleep while reading. I can manage to stay up all night reading, which is another problem for another time. As for movies, you strike me as someone who would love Moliere. Rent it. Watch it. Let me know what you think. It's me and my hubby's new favorite. Oh yeah, hope you like subtitles.

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  6. Okay. First of all, I have to know if I qualify as old. I bet I do, huh? Even though I say, "Huh?" But see, I punctuate it correctly. And see - I actually care about that enough to mention it. But why do you think you were one of my favorites in your wild youth? Because you WEREN'T AN IDIOT. Has nothing to do with age. Has to do with actually THINKING about things. And enjoying what's really important. And respecting the realities of mortality. And Jess doesn't seem to understand - you two CAN'T be old maids together some day. Too dang late for that.

    My security word is "finglyg." I am satisfied.

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  7. Unfortunately almost all of these things have always been true for me. I wish I could say they weren't. Poor Sandin never gets to rent the movies he wants since he's a social movie watcher, and I just can't take most action movies.

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