This is a blessing that grows in meaning

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Priesthood Session of the October 1984 Conference.

I loved Elder Marion D. Hanks' talk on marriage. I vaguely remembered reading it sometime before—probably in one of the Marriage Prep. classes I took at BYU. But it means more, of course, and carries different truths to my heart now that I've actually lived in my own marriage for all these years. The whole talk was excellent, but I'll just highlight a few of my favorite parts:

Of course, everyone who comes to the temple to be married understands that the ceremony is performed by God’s authority for time and eternity. But the remarkable revealed ceremony at the altar in a temple contemplates much more than this. The quality of the relationship thus established is of highest importance. 

 I loved that reminder that being married forever—while it's an amazing blessing—pales in comparison to the idea of what KIND of marriage that eternal union will (must!) be. It's the idea of that perfect unity and complementarity that (although it seems so far-off!) that is most astonishing—and the thing I hope for most as Sam and I work at our marriage!

…Neither will remain as he or she is, of course; they will both grow and develop in a multitude of ways. …On this solid foundation the newly formed family joyfully undertakes to learn how to live happily forever, to build a strong and loving union that will grow more wholesome and more glorious everlastingly. 

That was a cool phrase, I thought. "Learn how to live happily forever"—implying that we don't just KNOW how to be happy automatically. I think about that a lot, actually. The things I do instinctively to protect myself, or shield myself from discomfort, really don't make me very happy at all. They come naturally, but they don't work. The things that truly make me happy are counterintuitive. I have to learn them—and practice them. I don't know if I'd ever be able to discover them without the help of the gospel of Jesus Christ!

…To be able to give oneself fully with confidence and trust, and to fully receive the other joyfully and gratefully—this is a blessing that grows in meaning year by year and forever. 

Yes. It does grow in meaning. I don't think it's possible to realize, when you first get married, how much you still have to learn about each other—and about yourself. It would be scary, if you were smart enough to comprehend it, but luckily most of us aren't. :) And there is joy and mystery in it, too.

…Friendship in a marriage is so important. It blows away the chaff and takes the kernel, rejoices in the uniqueness of the other, listens patiently, gives generously, forgives freely. Friendship will motivate one to cross the room one day and say, “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean that.” It will not pretend perfection nor demand it. It will not insist that both respond exactly the same in every thought and feeling, but it will bring to the union honesty, integrity. There will be repentance and forgiveness in every marriage—every good marriage—and respect and trust.

This is another concept that means more to me all the time. Of course I knew, when we began this adventure, that friendship in a marriage was important. But the feeling that Sam and I should "respond [to things] exactly the same in every thought and feeling" is surprisingly hard to overcome. I think maybe we started out just similar enough to let the differences keep surprising me. I'm learning more and more, though, to appreciate our differences and be grateful for them. We provide balance for each other, and I've grown in the ability to see past my own instincts and prejudices. I'm hopeful that I'll be even better at it in twenty more years.