Settled, unafraid, and at peace

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday Morning Session of the October 1988 Conference.

It's been so nice—this "space granted" during quarantine. I know I'm lucky to be able to say that—not to have to worry about Sam's job, or about making ends meet. Of course I don't think anyone with kids can say it's been empty space. It hasn't even been that much less busy, really—but it has been a holy space. The types of things we're busy with is different. Our rhythms have been changed just enough to feel fresh. I guess it's kind of like Sundays that way: not a rest from everything, but a welcome rest from specific sorts of weariness.

Even in the midst of feeling like I might lose my mind from the mess and the chaos, and even knowing it will be better for so many people to get back to normal life, I find myself so anxious to hold on to this time, knowing what a gift it is—knowing it won't last forever and we'll look back wistfully: "Remember all those Saturdays with no appointments, those Sundays with no meetings? Remember make-your-own-omelets for breakfast, and going on walks in the middle of the day? Remember when we were all together, before Abe left for college and mission, when Gussie was so skinny and small?"

So why is it so hard to feel settled, knowing how much I should be savoring this time? Maybe it's too much pressure, being aware of how temporary it all is? Or maybe that knowledge is the very thing that makes it both hard and good?

It's something I'm always thinking about—how to hold on when time passes too fast. So I liked this from Elder Robert D. Hales:

Like the Apostles of old, this knowledge and belief [in the resurrection] should transform all of us to be confident, settled, unafraid, and at peace in our lives as followers of the divine Christ. It should help us carry all burdens, bear any sorrows, and also fully savor all joys and happiness that can be found in this life. The disciples who walked with the Savior on the road to Emmaus said to one another, “Did not our heart burn within us, while he talked with us by the way, and while he opened to us the scriptures?” No wonder they entreated him, “Abide with us: for it is toward evening,” and he “sat at meat with them.” They sought to savor those precious moments and feelings.

Of course they sought to savor them! We all do. During General Conference, when I'm at the temple, when our family does something together and everyone is getting along with each other. And I've learned a few ways to "savor." Write things down, reflect on them. Look at pictures. Reminisce. Close my eyes and breathe deep. But unfortunately "savor" doesn't usually mean "prolong." And the sensation of being "settled, unafraid, and at peace" often feels so fleeting! So often my heart is crying out like those disciples did: "Abide with me! Abide with me! Wait, please, don't go!" after a spiritual experience—but even though God is so good, He DOES go. Or WE leave Him, I guess. Conference ends. We have to walk out of the temple. The children don't stop growing and quarantine will lift, eventually.

I remember a talk (maybe two talks) by Elder Holland about this, and I know there are lots of things we can do to hang onto peace even when good things come to an end. But Elder Hales made one more statement about it that I thought was interesting:

Each can savor the sweetness of the truths of the gospel by obedience to the principles, ordinances, and covenants.

It's interesting to put it like that—like just living the gospel can help. So simple! And I guess it makes sense. Engaging with the word of God helps us have peace, so why not peace about endings and changes and unknowns? And obeying our covenants includes trusting Him, which should also contribute to a feeling of peace. It's another way of saying that the teachings of the gospel help us with every aspect of life, which is a truth I should know by now. But I still like how simply it's stated here. Savor the sweetness of life by following Jesus Christ—who also promises that "nothing good is ever lost." Truly trusting Him is the way to both carry the burdens and savor the joys! I hope I can learn to do it better.