Reflections on halfway, laying hold, and changing hearts

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Priesthood Session of the October 1996 Conference.

During his talk in this session of Conference, President Hinckley read some of the questions and answers from the interview he had recently done with Mike Wallace for 60 Minutes. This feels like it was in the fairly recent past, but I had forgotten how annoying and adversarial many of the questions were. President Hinckley always maintained that Mike Wallace had been polite and professional, but I remembered, reading it, how much I despise this entire style of "journalism" with its "gotcha!" tone and hurried pacing. President Hinckley responded well, but the format didn't really allow for him to say anything substantial. And I guess that wasn't the point. Hearts usually change based on combinations of experiences, not sound bites.

I've been reflecting on this General Conference Odyssey project lately. I'm the only participant still doing it regularly right now, as it turns out. It's a little sad because part of what I liked about the idea in the first place was reading these talks with a group of other people and seeing what insights they came up with! I don't blame anyone for prioritizing other things instead. I've wondered if I should prioritize other things instead. I'm not sure what's keeping me going. A bit of stubbornness, probably, since when I started I questioned if it was possible to commit to ANY weekly project for 14 years, and I kind of wanted to prove that it was. But beyond that, there's just something I like about knowing that I'm gaining at least a cursory relationship with everything the prophets have said in the recent past—ever since my parents were raising their first children, all through my growing-up years, into the years I was starting a family of my own, and all the way back to today. 

If I keep reading at this same rate, I'm about halfway through, with seven years to go. I'll finish sometime around 2029, which means my oldest son Abe will be 27—only 9 years younger than I was when I started reading these talks and writing about them. Honestly, I'm hoping the Second Coming of Jesus Christ will have occurred by then, but I'm also more and more aware of how quickly seven years goes by. And I'm really enjoying this connection with the church's past, its growing "canon," along with the scriptures. I know it's what our current prophets are saying now that matters most, but I like it when someone quotes an older talk and I can think, "Hey, I remember that!" And I like seeing the continuity of the doctrine; I like hearing the way the previous General Authorities loved and pleaded with their people; I like realizing that "the youth" they were pleading with then are the leaders and teachers now. I like seeing the way Heavenly Father guides his covenant children step by step, and how the Savior's voice is in and through it all. It's not quite like reading the Old Testament—but it's got some of the same generation-binding feeling, thinking of my parents following prophetic counsel as I try to now, and as I hope my children will someday too.

So, for now, I'll keep reading (hoping someone else will join or rejoin me at some point). I love this reflection about some of the tangible, life-changing blessings a simple study of our Conference "canon" can yield. Like Nathaniel, I feel like it's been nothing but good for me, and while it's mostly the reading that's good, it's the writing (or the prospect of writing) that makes me a much better reader, so I'll keep at that too. Most weeks I feel like I have nothing very worthwhile to say, but trying to synthesize and restate what lessons I'm learning is a tangible way for me to "lay hold" on these words. 

And I guess that's the thing about hearing the words of the prophets, whether they're ancient or modern or anywhere in between. This is something you hear missionaries say all the time, but I think about it every time Conference comes around again: it's the spirit of Jesus Christ that changes hearts. President Hinckley's interview on 60 Minutes wasn't going to "convert" anyone. And neither is President Nelson or President Oaks or President Eyring's talk in conference. Yet every time I listen or read, I feel my own conversion deepen! How is it done? I think it's because it's not their words that change me. It's not even the goals I make based on those words, exactly, because I fail at those, as often as not. It's just…continuing to engage, because the Spirit comes when I act. Whenever and to whatever extent I make the active effort to look for meaning and guidance from God—I find it.