This loss must stop

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Priesthood Session of the October 1997 Conference.

There was was a lot of emphasis during this conference on new converts to the church, and how to best love and fellowship them. I remember hearing these talks (or at least the emphasis and discussions that came from them in our wards) and feeling a horror, even then, of being the person that didn't reach out in love and thus would be responsible for some tender soul falling away. I still feel that. I really want to make friends with everyone in my ward; to notice people who are distant or lonely and to welcome them so they feel loved. BUT the trouble is that during church I'm so focused on just managing everything! Picking up toys from the church bag! Making sure Clementine has been nursed! Keeping track of both Gussie's shoes! Calling after Junie not to forget her scriptures! Dealing with Ziggy's sudden inexplicable crying fit! Unlocking the nursery cupboard for the nursery leaders! Finding the announcements clipboard to pass around for the teachers! It's nonstop, and when church is over I find myself realizing I didn't say a WORD to the unfamiliar people I passed in the halls, let alone chat for a few moments to help them feel at home. I really need to work on getting my focus off of my list of duties and leaving room for more smiles and friendship.

I think it's easier to have friendly conversations at activities or ward dinners or other places where I'm not in charge of anything and I don't have to keep the kids quiet, but for someone like the Bishop, it's got to be a constant struggle all the time to make sure things are running smoothly while still being aware of individuals and helping everyone feel seen and loved! I guess this is also why it's so important to fellowship our neighbors everywhere, not just at church, because there is often more chance for quiet, one-on-one, meaningful interaction in other situations.

Here's what President Hinckley said about befriending and loving converts:

With the increase of missionary work throughout the world, there must be a comparable increase in the effort to make every convert feel at home in his or her ward or branch. Enough people will come into the Church this year to constitute more than 100 new average-size stakes. Unfortunately, with this acceleration in conversions, we are neglecting some of these new members. I am hopeful that a great effort will go forward throughout the Church, throughout the world, to retain every convert who comes into the Church.

This is serious business. There is no point in doing missionary work unless we hold on to the fruits of that effort. The two must be inseparable.

Then he read a letter from a man who had been neglected and forgotten by his ward, and drifted away from the church as so many do. President Hinckley said about this,

Someone has failed, failed miserably. I say to bishops throughout the world that with all you have to do—and we recognize that it is much—you cannot disregard the converts. Most of them do not need very much. As I have said before, they need a friend. They need something to do, a responsibility. They need nurturing with the good word of God. They come into the Church with enthusiasm for what they have found. We must immediately build on that enthusiasm. You have people in your wards who can be friends to every convert. They can listen to them, guide them, answer their questions, and be there to help in all circumstances and in all conditions. Brethren, this loss must stop. It is unnecessary. I am satisfied the Lord is not pleased with us. I invite you, every one of you, to make this a matter of priority in your administrative work. I invite every member to reach out in friendship and love for those who come into the Church as converts. 

I don't know that I've ever heard someone say in conference that we have "failed miserably" before! It's so sad! And here's what I was thinking as I read this talk: more than ever these days, every person at church is like a "convert." Everyone is vulnerable to drifting away or even actively walking away! Someone said in a sacrament meeting talk last week, "Assume anyone you meet might have one foot out the door, and might walk the rest of the way out any minute." I think it's true. We all know so many people who choose not to stay. While I know we can't MAKE people stay in the church, each one who leaves is a great loss to us—to the body of believers that is working to become Zion. So I feel such urgency that no one feel neglected—converts, longtime members, children, youth. I need to do so much better at reaching out and befriending; of looking up from my own busy-ness and my own checklists to see who else needs my attention! 

That's what I want for my own children as they interact with their church acquaintances. I've felt it more and more as they get older. I tell my son that he should go to church and activities not just for himself, but to help others, and it's true. But what I don't tell him is how much I want someone to look up and brighten when he enters a room, to smile and ask him questions and remember who he is, to notice when he's gone, and to enlist his help with meaningful work that makes him feel needed and useful. I want people to treat him as the "convert" he truly is, as someone who needs extra love and care and nourishment. And I know mothers and fathers all over the world are praying the same thing for their children. I want to be an answer to their prayers!