In the center of your souls

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the General Young Women Session of the April 1998 Conference.

I've been really drawn to many beautiful statements about women's roles lately. (I wrote about some last week too!) I think it's because my daughters are getting older and we've been having a lot more talks about their gifts and their futures, and I hear a lot of women talking about how they're going to teach their daughters differently than they were taught. They say they don't want their daughters to feel like the "only" thing they can do is get married and have a family. Like we ought to have grown out of thinking that's "all" women can do. Or like the church was stifling women somehow, by giving them the advice to stay home with their families. I can imagine it was harder in the past for the women whose lives didn't "fit the mold;" I've heard some of those stories. Some women still feel that disconnect now. And I know that, as someone whose life HAS fit the stay-at-home-mother mode, I need to be sensitive to other perspectives. I think most of us women in the church are trying our best to get revelation for our own lives, and following it the best we can, and it's obviously okay for us to have different journeys.

I know all that. And yet I read these old talks and I feel a deep sense that all this doctrine about women's roles and women's nature is still true. It hasn't become obsolete and it doesn't need to be "updated" for our modern world. I'm not sure how it applies to every situation; I suppose that's where personal revelation comes in. But as I read this counsel I just felt again and again that these are eternal truths my daughters need to learn in order to be truly happy! If they don't feel they fit these descriptions of what women are, they can grow into them! But they can't just leave them behind as relics of some old-fashioned world—not without forfeiting the blessings too.

Here is a sampling of some of the quotes I found beautiful and inspiring from this session. From Sister Margaret D. Nadauld's talk:

It is a divine and priceless blessing to be born a woman. Your Heavenly Father blessed you, His daughters, with some very precious qualities in extra capacity—qualities such as sensitivity, spirituality, a loving, nurturing nature. Please take opportunities to develop these divine gifts and then use them to bless others. Be happy. Scatter a little sunshine. You could observe faithful women you admire and then adopt into your own life the qualities that make these women successful, happy daughters of God.

I love that, and I thought this next quote was really sweet too:

In your mind’s eye, do you see yourself as nurturers of precious sons and daughters of Heavenly Father? You can practice now by being loving and gentle to little children and by saying the kindest things in the kindest way in your home. Do you picture yourself as a mother who could help her children with learning math or science or history? If so, guess what you’d better do at school! Do you want to have beauty and music and refinement in your home? Today you can begin developing your artistic and musical talents for the sake of your future home and family. Do you want to have peace and order in your home? Then, my dear young sisters, be the peacemaker, help keep your home clean and orderly, help with the laundry. Can you imagine your future family sitting around a table laughing and sharing ideas and enjoying the delicious, nutritious food that you prepared with love? Then it looks like you’ll have to learn to cook! Help prepare the meals. Collect recipes from your mother and grandmother. Learn how to make strudel or poi or tortillas—your family favorites, whatever they are.

Let me tell you what I see in you. I see in you young women who are getting an education and are preparing to bless others through it. Please, for yourself and your future family, choose a fine education. Be qualified. Be well rounded. Work hard. In you young women, I see girls who look forward to establishing a home of love, a home of order, a home of faith.

I was eighteen when these talks were given, and I did try to practice these things as a young woman! One gift my mother gave me was a clear message that she loved homemaking and motherhood. And so, although I didn't know quite what to expect, I fully believed I would learn to love those things too. And I have! I want to give my daughters that gift, and I like this idea of tying their current activities to a vision of their future. None of that feels limiting to me. Of course it's true that some girls may not grow up to have children or get married, but all of them will build a home, and all of them will have the opportunity for nurturing relationships. It seems wonderful to teach girls to prepare now for those things!

 

Here's a statement from Sister Carol B. Thomas' talk that felt bold and almost startling to me, in today's culture. But if this was true in 1998, it must be true now, and shouldn't our young women know it?

As each one of you practices being a homemaker, you are doing exactly what the Lord wants you to do. In every young woman’s heart is a deep yearning to someday be a wife and a mother. These feelings were nurtured in your soul long before you came to this earth. President Hinckley has said, “Women, for the most part, see their greatest fulfillment, their greatest happiness in home and family.”

Then there was President Faust's talk, which was so good I want to quote the whole thing. But I will limit myself to a few favorite sections:

As a woman you have been born with many unique endowments that are not common to men.

President Spencer W. Kimball, in speaking of the separate roles of men and women, said: “Remember, in the world before we came here, faithful women were given certain assignments while faithful men were foreordained to certain priesthood tasks. While we do not now remember the particulars, this does not alter the glorious reality of what we once agreed to. You are accountable for those things which long ago were expected of you just as are those we sustain as prophets and apostles. … This leaves much to be done by way of parallel personal development—for both men and women.”

This statement suggests that before we were born, male and female, we made certain commitments and that we agreed to come to this earth with great, rich, but different gifts. We were called, male and female, to do great works with separate approaches and separate assignments.…

Becoming like men is not the answer. Rather, the answer lies in being who you are and living up to your divine potential by fulfilling eternal commitments.

Again, that feels bold in today's climate. But I thought this was so interesting and prescient:

You cannot trust the many conflicting voices that clamor about what women should or should not do in today’s society. Some of the loudest voices are echoes of those others who are out of harmony with themselves and out of tune with life in general rather than being unhappy with their role as women.

It's true. I don't know why we would listen to those "out of harmony with themselves" when we could learn from the many women we know who are happy, fulfilled, and faithful. I know many of those in my own family and my own Relief Society, and in other circles too. People like my friend Montserrat who loves homemaking, or my friend Nancy who calls heaven down into her home daily. Rozy who stands firm and holds onto hope for her adult children who have left the faith. Anne who loves and nurtures every soul in her home, even the wounded ones. Women of other faiths, like Leila Lawler who talks so practically about the joy that comes in just fulfilling your God-given duties! And so many others. So many people to learn from and share with and emulate—all of whom are "in tune with life in general" and happy with their roles as women. I have miraculously found these people in my life when I need them!

And then here's my favorite part of President Faust's talk:

Do not be deceived in your quest to find happiness and an identity of your own. Entreating voices may tell you that what you have seen your mothers and grandmothers do is old-fashioned, unchallenging, boring, and drudgery. It may have been old-fashioned and perhaps routine; at times it was drudgery. But your mothers and grandmothers have sung a song that expressed the highest love and the noblest of womanly feelings. They have been our nurturers and our teachers. They have sanctified the work, transforming drudgery into the noblest enterprises.

Homemaking is whatever you make of it. Every day brings satisfaction along with some work which may be frustrating, routine, and unchallenging. But it is the same in the law office, the dispensary, the laboratory, or the store. There is, however, no more important job than homemaking. As C. S. Lewis said, “A housewife’s work … is the one for which all others exist.”

There are ever-increasing demands on women that challenge their traditional role of caregivers. But as women, the roles of wife and mother are in the center of your souls and cry out to be satisfied. Most women naturally want to love and be loved by a good man and to respond to the God-given, deepest feelings of womanhood—those of mother and nurturer.

I've written about it before and I'm sure I will again, because this is what my life is about! Homemaking and motherhood fill my thoughts and my days, so anything that reassures me that those things are valuable is precious and comfort-filled doctrine. The small things matter. The mundane things matter. I'm happiest when I'm remembering these truths, and I want my children—daughters especially—to remember them too!

Even more comforting is the fact that we, as women, have been given gifts to make all this possible. I loved this: 

All of you will have to sometime answer to your natural womanly instincts, which the Prophet Joseph said are according to your natures. He said, “If you live up to your privileges, the angels cannot be restrained from being your associates.” You should respond generously to those instincts and promptings to do good. Hold your soul very still, and listen to the whisperings of the Holy Spirit. Follow the noble, intuitive feelings planted deep within your souls by Deity in the previous world. In this way you will be responding to the Holy Spirit of God and will be sanctified by truth. By so doing, you will be eternally honored and loved. Much of your work is to enrich mankind with your great capacity for care and mercy.

I often feel inadequate and unequal to the tasks required of me. I certainly don't feel competent at raising teenagers or…really…any age of children. (Newborns, maybe? After 10 tries I might be getting a little better at newborns.) So I don't know how I could possibly keep attempting it without truly believing this—that somehow my Heavenly Father and Mother have "planted deep within my soul" the tools and instincts I need to bless my family. I want to live close enough to the Spirit that I can not only recognize those instincts, but, where needed, develop them and make them stronger within myself so I can do the work God has given me to do!

Other posts in this series:

Needed Encouragement—by Rozy