Leaves and a baby

Although we did get out with my brother to ride the ski lift, I was feeling sad that I'd missed so much of Fall! After Ziggy was born, even though I know we could have done more sooner, and lots of people DO, I've been deliberately trying to slow down and not do much or go anywhere (because there are enough things we have to do whether I like it or not, and as I told Sam, once you go back to doing stuff after a baby, you can't ever UN-go back!). I know I was lucky to have a little flexibility with our schedule. And it's been nice. BUT, it also made me feel like I just missed all of September! I was in another world. And usually by this time of year we've been on lots of Sunday drives and picnics to enjoy the Fall weather, and I was missing that too (even though we had done some of it!)

Also it's just hard to get everyone together in the same place these days. And I'd kind of given up on the idea this year. But one day a few weeks ago, I was going to drive Seb to piano lesson and choir, and then I'd have a couple of hours of waiting around, so I decided to take Ziggy and go up the canyon just with him! 

As I was driving, I was asking myself why I like doing this so much. What does it matter if I have MORE pictures of pretty trees and pretty leaves and pretty scenery? I do this every year and I have tons of pictures. They're even in the same places a lot of the time! Do I really need or want more? 

I was also trying to examine my feelings to see if I felt bad not to have any children (besides Ziggy of course) coming along with me. Because I do like being outside with them and watching them explore and play. I love taking photographs of frolicking children in beautiful settings! But my time and ability to spend on that seems to be diminishing with the years. Now that we're busier and I have several confirmed non-frolickers (though I suppose they do still frolic from time to time…if you catch them at the right moment), is taking pictures still fun?

And I realized, thinking about all this, that I DO want more pictures and it IS still fun. I guess I'm not sure exactly why. I just like being outside in nice Fall weather, with or without other people. I like the way it slows me down and helps me feel calm and happy. I like taking pictures of the beautiful world, and I like trying to get better at understanding and using the camera. I like learning to notice the light. I like the little perfect moments that emerge later as I look through my pictures, and see what was frozen in time.

So as it turned out, this year, I liked Fall as much as ever! Even though I felt like I got to it late. I was so glad I found the time to devote a few hours to enjoying it. It was such a glorious day! Ziggy slept peacefully in his carseat for the first while, and I drove and talked to myself about how pretty everything was, and got out and walked around and took pictures when I felt like it. And then I sat at a picnic table and nursed Ziggy in the sunshine while the leaves drifted down around us whenever the wind blew. I even wrapped him up and took a few pictures of him, since I'm not totally ready to give up on children in my pictures (and there's nothing he could do about it).

Of course after a few minutes he got mad that he wasn't snuggling and nursing anymore, so he started screaming, and then I was carrying a mad and wriggling baby with one hand while still trying to hold the camera and take pictures with the other, and the people walking around trying to take family photos with the leaves were looking at us and feeling sorry for that poor neglected baby—but even that was fine, because I don't get as embarrassed about such things as I used to. And then I put him back in his seat and sang to him until he was peaceful again, and he liked that and so did I, because it's very satisfying to make an unhappy baby happy again. And I like to sing.

It's not the easiest time of year or the easiest time of life for me right now. There is a lot of change to cope with and I get worried about things I can't really control. But—it's so beautiful. It's all so beautiful. I know I need to appreciate it, and I'm trying to! I think every day about how many good things I have in my life.

And I know there will be days like this, again and again. Full of goodness, no matter what else is happening in between them.

God is so good.

I like the sort of dark-gaping-maw-shape in the middle of this picture.

Lacy leaf-edges. 

Rainbow hill!

I think my favorite way to see the leaves is with the light glowing through them from behind. Like these reds against the dark mountain. They look like floating red coals!

Light-in-leaves! :)