Glory Days

Back in high school when I used to be a real runner I didn't know a ton of other people that ran (besides friends on my team, of course)---in fact, most people said things like "I could never do that" or "I don't really get why anyone likes running"---but now it seems like everyone is doing 5Ks or training for marathons (or races they erroniously CALL marathons but are actually 5Ks . . . which is annoying). And I would feel more smug about it (What a trend-setter! Ahead of my time!) except that now when my running skills might actually do me some good with my peer group, I am slower and less tough than I have ever been and I hesitate to even identify myself as "a runner" lest someone actually see me out "running" some morning and immediately have to avert their eyes so as not to embarrass either of us with that amplification of the truth. Which is part of the reason I go while it's still dark outside. (The other part being, when else can I go? I can't run with my kids in strollers anymore, Sam leaves for work early, I hate going after dinner, etc etc. So 5:30 a.m. it is.)

Still, I have this feeling deep down that I am still a "real" runner, more so than all these Johnny-come-lately's I see flitting around in their cute little yoga pants, and I always think snobbily to myself "Ha, I bet SHE'S never run up Timpanogos" or "Hmph, I'd like to see HER out in sub-zero weather" as if I am entitled because of my past glory (can I call it glory? Even if I was a pretty average runner who never made it onto a college team or anything, and one of my proudest moments was coming in first in the "slow heat" [yes, they call it that] of the mile at some Region race?) to think such things. I think that makes me kind of a hypocrite. (I mean, I couldn't run up Timp anymore either. Nor do I often go outside in sub-zero weather. Nor have I run a race for years and years, unless you count Beth's sparsely attended Ward 5K where we came in like 2nd and 3rd [Beth beating me, of course] out of 5 people, or something.)

So I'm wondering, how long are you allowed to keep getting mileage (ha, mileage? Get it? For a runner, you know?) out of your past? Just between you and me, I'm only running (lumbering?) about 2 miles at a time these days, and honestly if you saw how slow I am you would wonder if you should call it "jogging" (answer: NO!!) or even "speed-walking." And I do lift weights, but it's only because we have a community center where I can do it free and if I go early enough in the morning there are no tiny, aggressively fit women in the weight room, but only a bunch of over-testosteroned men trying to seem casual in their desperate, grunting quests to outdo each other, who smile over at me sympathetically every time I have to spend 5 minutes peering at the instructions on how to work the dang machines.

But I used to be good, or, you know, pretty good. I ran two marathons fairly fast, qualified for the Boston Marathon (never ran it, though) and I ran with a really fast lady for a while in a half-marathon and actually had people yelling my time at me enthusiastically because I was close to the front of the pack (I fell back later, of course, but my time was 1 hr. 26 min., which is pretty fast). (But that was nearly 10 years ago. Good heavens! Ten years! If that thing about how your cells all replace themselves every 7 years is true, then I don't even have ONE CELL that's capable of such a thing anymore.) Anyway, I'm not as consistent as I used to be, but I do still run most days, even in the dark and in bad weather and in ugly clothes, which counts for something, don't you think? And I like to think I have the right mindset for a runner. You know, since I ran cross-country and all.

Even so, though---all these cute girls who have become "runners" since high school are, at this moment, probably faster than me. And better at it. And tinier. And lots of them have kids too, so I can't blame it on that. So can I still consider them presumptuous upstarts who don't have a deep and true knowledge of what it means to be a real runner? (Internally, of course. It's all internally. I never SAY anything!) Or is it time for me to give it up, relinquish my old identity, and admit that I'm no longer any more of a real runner than any other of the middle-aged mom-ish looking ladies speedwalking with 5-lbs weights around the track and taking "stretching" breaks every couple laps? Is there a statute of limitations on how long you can keep being snooty about such things?