I had always heard it was hard to get good photos of older kids, and I assumed it was because they just got less cute as they got older! Quite the contrary. They are quite as darling as ever (at least I think so) but the trouble is they become aware of you, and of themselves. And, I suppose, they have better things to do than let you follow them around adoring their every expression. It's okay. I understand. But every once in awhile I impose on the big kids, anyway. I can't bear not to have a record of Abe just as he is now: his wry smile; his amused raised eyebrows; his scrutinizing glare. Abe has an unguarded and dazzling smile when he wants to, and he's as obliging as any 13-year-old could be, but when I say, "Just pretend I don't have the camera, and talk to me!" he wrinkles up his nose and says, "But I know you DO have the camera!" Still, he tells me about his favorite Ferraris and what he's going to buy when he's a millionaire.
Considerate. Handsome. Funny. Dependable. Interesting. That's our Abe.
Yes, aware. At some point, children begin to lose their ability to suspend disbelief. But at that point, their observations become most interesting, and often are very charmingly put. I miss the conversations we used to have, my kids and I - the silence in the house is comfortable, but comfort has never been my long suit or my expectation. Being sparked - that's what I miss; the laughter upstairs, the shared absurdities, the perspectives that take you by surprise. These portraits are a little scary because they are public, but I am grateful for them all the same. I once wrote letters to the children - to each one - so they would have them if they ever lost me (which is inevitable at some point). I'll have to find those and match them up with the shots I took. The miracle of digital has allowed you to shoot until you catch. I used to have 24-36 frames available, no immediate read-out, and it cost somewhere between twelve and twenty two dollars to get those prints back - sometimes so badly processed, you couldn't find the truth in them.
ReplyDeleteOh, I know. The way we can just take pictures now, like breathing air! When I went to Germany after high school I had my one little camera, a couple rolls of film. I stingily strung out my pictures, trying to conserve, deciding which things were "good enough" to use a photo on. And then the disappointment when so many of even those careful images were grey or blurry or…just didn't really capture what was there. Of course you never truly have the moment forever…but I'm so grateful to be able to shoot until I have pictures that approximate it, now.
Delete