Expecting the best of each other

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday Morning Session of the April 1992 Conference.

When I read the talk by Elder Ashton, "The Tongue Can Be a Sharp Sword," I thought immediately of Elder Holland's talk "The Tongue of Angels." The two talks are similar, though Elder Ashton's distracted me a little by using the word "bash" or "bashing" so many times that it started to lose all meaning and look like nonsense to me. :)

Anyway, Elder Ashton gives a reminder I always need to hear:

We need to get back to basic principles of recognizing the good and the praiseworthy within the family. …Family loyalty will emerge when we reinforce the good and the positive and bridle our negative thoughts as we seek after those things that are of good report.

I like the idea of "bridling our negative thoughts." Sometimes when I'm trying to do that with my kids I worry that it might make me ignore things I should be noticing and correcting. Or I worry that I'm going to somehow be too optimistic and then when things turn out badly I won't be prepared for it! Ha, it sounds silly now that I write it, because how could one possibly be too optimistic about what God will do for His children? (And anyway, how it could possibly help me to expect the worst?—it's not like that would make me feel any better when the worst came! "Well, at least I always thought this child would end up in prison, and I was right!" Ha ha.) I've seen many times, though, that most things go better when I'm optimistic and hopeful, so I ought to be aiming for that whenever I can manage it! 

Along those lines, one of my favorite of President Eyring's themes lately is how one of the roles of a mother is to "bend living clay to the shape of her hopes." (I actually think he was quoting President Nelson when he said that, but he talks about the idea a lot.) I've been pondering this for quite awhile, and it's truly one of my biggest goals—to see a vision of all the good things people around me could be, and then to help them become that through the strength of my hope and vision! But in order to do that, I have to have a vision—I have to have hope. So that's what I've been working on. Seeing the good. It's really hard sometimes! There are so many things to worry about…so many things that could go wrong…it takes a lot of faith to lay those things aside aside and seek to focus on the good!

Even outside of my own family, I could work on this same thing:

We are reminded that Jesus Christ, the only perfect person to ever walk the earth, taught us through quiet example to say nothing or to be silent in stressful times in our lives rather than to spend time and energy bashing for whatever purpose.

I never know exactly where to draw the line between "passionate and clear-eyed defense of principles" and "unproductive preoccupation with all that's wrong in the world." I tend to admire the former because I lean toward the latter, maybe. I suppose it's something to ponder. But in any event, this advice applies to both cases:

Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone’s differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn’t handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another’s weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other.