Willing to lift

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Priesthood Session of the April 2004 Conference.

This week I was noticing how simply these words from President Hinckley sum up the point of my last post:

We shall go on in this work. There will always be a need. Hunger and want and catastrophes will ever be with us. And there will always be those whose hearts have been touched by the light of the gospel who will be willing to serve and work and lift the needy of the earth.

President Hinckley is always so great at honing in on the essentials, and he does so here. What does the light of the gospel do for us? It touches our own hearts and then inspires us to lift others. It's the first and second commandment in action. I love the simplicity of that: eat the fruit, and then bear fruit by blessing others. I love God's plan!

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A rollicking band of pirates, we

The Christmas decorations are put away, and with them the Christmas gnomes, sadly—but never fear, Clementine still has HER gnomes. She has pink gnomey, Big Big Gnomey—and now, thanks to her sisters, two MORE gnomeys. Junie made a small gnome—at least he seemed like a small gnome until Daisy made Tiny Tiny Gnomey! They are all very cute, but now we have to endure Clementine saying sadly nearly every night, "Where's Tiny Tiny Gnomey??" after she—inevitably—loses him among her blankets!

Here is the tiny gnome in Daisy's hands, for scale. (Daisy just can't help herself. She has to make bigs and tinies of things! It's like a sickness.)

And here is Tiny Gnomey sitting on Big Big Gnomey's nose!

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Speaking of tiny, I made these tiny rolls for sliders on New Years. They were so cute! They were only the size of golf balls or so when I shaped them!

New Year's Day Feast

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Not sure what this is, but some kind of Caw Picnic, I believe.

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Clementine with a ponytail ("my tail," she called it, proudly)

Seb brought his drums upstairs as he apparently feels compelled to do from time to time. It was actually really fun while he and the other kids were playing music together—he was making up parts to the kids' piano songs, and he and I even played some jazz together! Super fun. But, when he wasn't playing, everyone else was playing the drums, which—in the middle of the living room/kitchen—was not so fun. Too loud! Clementine is so cute when she plays, though!

She'd head in to play them every time one of the other kids started practicing the piano

And here she is playing in the little drum room, back where such activities belong!

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Goldie dressed Clementine up to match her doll. The doll has a cute name—Evie—so named because Marigold's beloved doll is named Ferny, and Fern is Clementine's middle name—so it seemed only right that Clementine's doll should have Goldie's middle name, Eve!

Anyway, Clementine loves Evie and carries her around everywhere. She was soooo delighted to match her! And the rest of us were equally delighted! Just wait until she grows into all the matching dolly-and-girl clothes the older girls had!

Here are the two of them ready for church on another day. The best thing was when Sam hung up Clementine's coat on the coat hooks at church, and then hung Evie's little coat up right next to it!

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Clementine has a strange, not to say unhealthy, fascination with knives, which she unvaryingly refers to as "sharp sharp knives" (which is hardly reassuring). She is always climbing up to the counter, getting knives (without permission, need I add), and then walking around brandishing them and saying "sharp sharp knife!" in a sober, lecturing, yet somehow gleeful tone. It is very alarming! It reminds me of when some child or other used to carry my phone around saying, "Oh dear, no, no, don't get Mommy's phone!" I think Clementine has done that too, come to think of it. Anyway, this series of pictures shows the general idea (although she only has a butter knife in these pictures, so as to spare your delicate sensibilities).

Here she comes to show it to me and tell me about it…

"Sharp sharp knife, mommy!"

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Some versions of the hill we have seen lately. I love all the different skies and moods!

And a few low-lying clouds for good measure!

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Goldie drew the cutest pictures for the thank-you card she wrote to my mom after Christmas. It was like a little mini-book, showing Goldie and my mom as beautiful Jane-Austen-era ladies. Here they greet each other and set off with their basket for a picnic.

They picnic under a tree, weaving flower crowns, and then do a little reading (with cake for refreshment) at an outdoor table.

They end their day sitting gracefully on swings, chatting to each other. I love it! :)

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Ky got his driver's license. Hooray!

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Sebastian started cutting up some old pairs of jeans a few weeks ago, telling me "I want to make a denim vest." I am sorry to say that while outwardly supportive ("Won't that be nice!") I was inwardly very dubious. I did tell him it was pretty hard to sew on denim, and he'd be working without a pattern, and I didn't know enough to help him, so he should prepare himself for a lot of frustration as he figured it out. 

I was (mercifully) at a debate tournament with Ky and Daisy all day on the day Seb decided to sew the vest, so I didn't actually see how much frustration there was, but he persevered and by the end of the day he had this amazing creation! I was genuinely astonished when he showed it to me. He'd used another jacket as a pattern, and he'd pieced all the colors together, and added little pockets and embellishments, used some fancy embroidery stitches for detail, and even sewed the edges with an overlock stitch so they would fray just the right amount. I don't know why I keep being surprised by him, but I do! I don't think I could ever have made such a thing, even with a pattern and a whole week to do it!

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Ziggy was a long time working on this "surprise" he made for Sebastian one day. He put up these little signs all over the house, with "DO NOT GO DOWN THERE" signs so no one would go downstairs to mess up the surprise. Then he unveiled the surprise to Seb with great fanfare:

It was all of these monkeys sitting on the stairs, one to a stair. Just what Seb would like! :) So sweet.

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We finished our unit on Pirates for homeschool and had a Pirate Celebration, which turned out so fun. I had the kids plan and carry it all out (with help from me with cooking etc.) Each of them had a different assignment. I loved the costumes everyone came up with!

Daisy and Teddy set up an amazing treasure hunt with chocolate coins in a chest at the end.

Junie planned a pirate ship craft where we made a pirate ship out of a big cardboard box.

Goldie did the beautiful table setting and room decor, with help from Ziggy

She also made labels for these little bottles we found lying around from some previous project. We made homemade root beer to put inside them, though I am sorry to say everyone took a great deal of pleasure in calling it "rum"!

What a rollicking band of pirates!

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To Be Fruit

For various reasons, I've been thinking lately about the worth and importance of a soul. Of course I've known since I was young (and I'm so grateful that I have!) that every person has worth as a child of God. But my teenage self had a little bit of a problem with that, since, as it says in The Incredibles, "If everyone is special, no one is." So if everyone is a child of God…how was I, personally, still important? 

For a while I felt like I had special talents or maybe special thoughts that other people didn't have. Or maybe I was less susceptible to certain problems. But the older I got, the more those reasons went away. Turns out there were lots of people more talented than me at…everything. Turns out, I had plenty of problems of my own, even some of the same ones I'd felt superior to other people for not having! I remember one specific instance when I was a young mother, reading the scripture "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man" and thinking in some surprise "I really am just like everyone else. All the things I thought I wasn't going to struggle with, I do struggle with." With that realization, again teenage Marilyn's question resurfaced…what makes me special? If God has so many other children to love…why would he need me, specifically? Does he need me? I know I need Him but…what difference does it make if He has me?

In the twenty years since then, the importance of that question has faded for me. Honestly, I don't have much time to think about it anymore! And having children, raising children, has given me a lot more insight into possible answers. But recently as one of my children has been struggling with similar questions, it's made me revisit some of those old thoughts, and this time around I've been reading First Nephi and thinking about fruit.

If the Tree of Life is both Jesus Christ and the Love of God, the the fruit seems to be His love packaged in a form we can digest. What's the point of fruit? What's it for? I've had fruit trees. If the fruit isn't picked from the Tree of Life, it would eventually just fall off and rot! (I know, I know, God's love doesn't rot so the metaphor isn't perfect, but bear with me.) It seems to me that the whole point of fruit is to be eaten. That's certainly true of God's love. It is meant to bless people. It's meant to bring joy. It's meant to be shared. God's love, contained within only Himself, would (I imagine??) be useless. It only becomes fruitful in our lives, as we FEEL it, TASTE it, USE it—as it "sheds itself abroad" in our hearts. Jesus Christ's love for us bore fruit and became real, became operational in our lives, through His fruitful acts of love, especially His supreme act of love, His atonement.

The other (related) purpose of fruit, botanically speaking, is to make seeds. And God's love does that, too. It encourages love in us. It gives us something worth sharing. "We love Him because He first loved us." Because He loves us, we want to share His love with others.

The insight that came to me this time around is that this is what gives us worth: when, like God, we become fruit. Fruit to be "eaten" (?? too weird? ha!) by those around us. We are worthy of love because we're God's children, yes. We are special because He loves us, yes. But we become useful to Him as we become fruits of His love, bringing joy and sweetness and nourishment to others. This is why He gives us talents, it's why He gives us spiritual gifts. It's so we can join Him in His work of bearing love.

When I was younger, I wanted to be really good at something—talented—noticed. I didn't want to be famous, necessarily, but I wanted people to see and admire me for my running, or my piano playing, or my writing, or because I was a Rhodes Scholar [to be clear, I wasn't—just wanted to be], or some other impressive thing. And I don't think all of that impulse was bad! It got me to work really hard and try to excel. I learned to find satisfaction in improving myself even when I wasn't the best one. But my perspective shifted when I chose full-time motherhood and left that chase for "impressiveness" behind me. This isn't news to any of you parents, but children aren't impressed by anything! They don't know or care what your accomplishments are. They just need you to love them (and that simple task will take everything you have).

So why (teenage Marilyn would ask) does God even give us talents? If not to impress people? And if not to make us feel good about ourselves? "To bless others" seemed like kind of a lame answer back then. But I see now that it's the best answer—the only satisfying answer! Impressing people doesn't bring any joy. And being "the best" doesn't bring joy either (partly because most people never are…but even if you win Olympic Gold or become a famous author or whatever you dreamed of…the thrill of accomplishment fades in time). But sharing God's love does bring joy, and the joy lasts! I've felt it so often as I've raised my children. Teaching them is joyful. Talking to them is joyful. Making them happy is joyful. Loving them is joyful! And seeing them love me back is the most joyful of all. 

That brings me back to my first question. What good am I to God? When might I actually bring joy to Him rather than just being one of the many beneficiaries of all He gives us? I think it's when I become fruit—when I become an embodiment of His love. I think he needs me because His love can take new shape through me. Through the combination of gifts, talents, and personality that God gave me, combined with what I choose to do to develop those gifts, I can bless others in ways no one else can. When His love bears fruit in me—and I then share that love with those I love—I am useful to Him! 

I'm not sure I'm explaining this very well. Of course I know God loves me even when I don't do anything, don't deserve anything—I'm His child and He loves me. And I guess, in some way, I'm "special" to Him like my children are all special to me just by existing and being who they are. But that answer didn't satisfy me when I was younger, and this one does. I have gifts so I can share them, and in the sharing of them they become true accomplishments—true contributions—not just ways to feed my ego or impress someone—but things that truly bring more light and love into the world. Not only does Heavenly Father "need me" to help do His work and share His love (not "need me" in the sense that He couldn't do it without me—but in the sense that there would be a real and perceptible loss if I didn't contribute my unique gifts)—but just as Jesus found his ultimate joy and purpose in His sacrifice and gifts for us, so I will find ultimate joy, meaning, and purpose in my sacrifices and gifts for others. It's not what the world would teach. But it's true. 

A few months ago I played the piano for a musical number at a funeral. I didn't know the lady who had died; she was a relative of the friend I was accompanying. She had been an accomplished pianist herself, and also a teacher and mother, and as I listened to the talks about her I found myself wanting to play my very best just to honor her and to comfort her family. I prayed all through the funeral that our music could somehow bring a spirit of comfort and peace and love. And then when it came time to play, it was one of those rare occasions where everything is right. It was transcendent—otherworldly—I don't have words to describe it, but the singing, the music, it all came together and the congregation felt it. My friend and I certainly felt it. Angelic visitors, maybe. People were crying as they talked to us after, thanking us for—whatever had happened. I felt shaky and weak afterwards. I went out and sat in the car and thought, "There are famous artists probably giving concerts today all around the world. Someone is playing with a symphony. Someone is playing in Carnegie Hall. But I'm positive that there was no performance on earth today as powerful as this one, at a little church in a suburb of Salt Lake City, at a funeral for a lady who most people have never heard of. And I got to be part of that. Why?"

I don't know why, but I think it's because that's what it's all about. That's what my gifts are for. That's what I am for. That's how I bear fruit, and that's why God needs me—to "shed His love abroad in the hearts of the children of men" in the ways only I can.

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Stay forever

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday Afternoon Session of the April 2004 Conference.

I have remembered this quote from Elder Holland ever since I heard it in 2004:

 “Abide in me” is an understandable and beautiful enough concept in the elegant English of the King James Bible, but “abide” is not a word we use much anymore. So I gained even more appreciation for this admonition from the Lord when I was introduced to the translation of this passage in another language. In Spanish that familiar phrase is rendered “permaneced en mi.” Like the English verb “abide,” permanecer means “to remain, to stay,” but even gringos like me can hear the root cognate there of “permanence.” The sense of this then is “stay—but stay forever.” That is the call of the gospel message to Chileans and everyone else in the world. Come, but come to remain. Come with conviction and endurance. Come permanently, for your sake and the sake of all the generations who must follow you, and we will help each other be strong to the very end.

I love the idea of being "permanently" attached to Jesus Christ. I was thinking this week about the Tree of Life and an article I read somewhere (?) about how trees were a female symbol in ancient cultures, and the "rod" in Lehi's dream could be seen as a sort of umbilical cord that can tie us back to the tree. I like the idea that when we are spiritually born of God, we can dwell within, be tied to, and be nourished by Jesus Christ as surely as an unborn baby dwells within, is tied to, and is nourished by its mother. Elder Holland uses a beautiful tree metaphor too:

For the fruit of the gospel to blossom and bless our lives, we must be firmly attached to Him, the Savior of us all, and to this His Church, which bears His holy name.

Other posts in this series:

"Earthly Debts, Heavenly Debts"—by Rozy 

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'Still walking' is the fundamental requirement

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday Morning Session of the April 2004 Conference.

I really liked two talks this session on enduring challenges. The first was Sister Gayle M. Clegg's "The Finished Story." She tells about a boy in her 6th-grade school class who completed an assignment years later and turned it in to her, and then compares his effort to "finish his story" with all of our efforts to keep going with the tests we face in life. I especially liked this:

With the Lord, nothing is impossible, but we each have to finish our own story. He sends His Spirit, we call out encouragement to each other, but we have to keep writing, keep walking, keep serving and accepting new challenges to the end of our own story. “Still walking” is the fundamental requirement in the journey of life. He wants us to finish well.

Then Elder Eyring's talk went right with that same theme. He has such a good a way of simplifying and clarifying concepts for me, and this time the concept he clarified was "enduring to the end":

So many things beat upon us in a lifetime that simply enduring may seem almost beyond us. That’s what the words in the scripture “Ye must … endure to the end” seemed to mean to me when I first read them. It sounded grim, like sitting still and holding on to the arms of the chair while someone pulled out my tooth.

It can surely seem that way to a family depending on crops when there is no rain. They may wonder, “How long can we hold on?” It can seem that way to a youth faced with resisting the rising flood of filth and temptation. It can seem that way to a young man struggling to get the training he needs for a job to support a wife and family. It can seem that way to a person who can’t find a job or who has lost job after job as businesses close their doors. It can seem that way to a person faced with the erosion of health and physical strength which may come early or late in life for them or for those they love. 

I was reading this and thinking about some of our family's own challenges, "Yes! Exactly! How long can we hold on?" Then he continues:

But the test a loving God has set before us is not to see if we can endure difficulty. It is to see if we can endure it well. We pass the test by showing that we remembered Him and the commandments He gave us. And to endure well is to keep those commandments whatever the opposition, whatever the temptation, and whatever the tumult around us.…

We need strength beyond ourselves to keep the commandments in whatever circumstance life brings to us. For some it may be poverty, but for others it may be prosperity. It may be the ravages of age or the exuberance of youth. The combination of trials and their duration are as varied as are the children of our Heavenly Father. No two are alike. But what is being tested is the same, at all times in our lives and for every person: will we do whatsoever the Lord our God will command us?

I don't know why that seemed so surprising to me, but I think I've never quite considered that the whole thing being tested in this life is just "Will we keep the commandments and choose God?" It's so easy to get hung up on "did I handle this situation right?" or "was there something more I could have done?" or "why didn't I follow that prompting better" or any number of other things. And I guess those are all sort of variations on keeping the commandments…but the way Elder Eyring says it, it seems clear that just trying to follow the commandments, if done persistently, is following the commandments. In other words, continuing to keep trying = enduring to the end. It's not about, necessarily, the outcome of the trials and circumstances we face—whether they last a long time or whether they are painful for us or whether we reacted to them like we should. It's just about whether we keep trying to follow God as we experience them. I like that thought!

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Christmas Day

We managed to stave off the early-risers till 9:00 a.m. this year! Surely a new record. They were up earlier, of course, and not pleased about waiting…but Sebastian had been out on his usual Christmas Run at 3 a.m. and we wanted to let him sleep as long as we could.

Look at the light streaming in the windows! (Seb, when he did get up, was not pleased. "Who opened the blinds! It doesn't even feel like Christmas!" He also managed to darkly imply that if we'd somehow been better people it would have snowed.)

Still, that Christmas Run is always impressive. It was fun for him to run with lots of old friends!

I couldn't sleep once I heard Seb go out, so I got up and went on a little walk myself. Inspired by Seb, I tried to make a Christmas star!😄 Then I got cold and went back to my warm bed.

So finally—after Baked French Toast and Bacon (had to be cooked sequentially rather than simultaneously as we're still down an oven)…

…on to the presents! This long long snake from Seb to Gus. Gus loved it so much and has named it…Chubby. ???

Seb decided, on a whim, to learn to crochet at the beginning of December. Daisy and Junie helped him, and then he made a hat for Clementine's monkey, a cropped short-sleeve sweater for a friend, an ear-warmer for Sam, and this amazing chunky scarf for me—this one was finger-crocheted. I don't even know how to do that!

I mentioned to Seb that someone we know was feeling a little discouraged and sad lately, and Seb immediately said, "Tell him to learn to crochet!"

Fire Engine for Gus, from Junie

At first, Clementine was a little wary of this big gnome Daisy made her…

…but she soon warmed up to him!

A butterfly sweatshirt given from Daisy to Junie, and a tiger from Seb

Owl habitat Junie made for Ky

Goldie with the bath towel Daisy made for her doll

Seb gave Teddy his old model train sets

And Daisy his old BB-8 robot!

Penguin slippers for Daisy, to match her pajamas

Goldie made Seb this amazing Bike Park diorama, with jumps and dirt mounds and a stream, and did some paintings of his bike for him too.

Zig got a furry husky costume.

Gus got a big squishy Caw (and the flamingo shirt he is wearing was from Daisy).

Goldie got this beautiful Emma-style dress, which she looks absolutely perfect in

We had a pretty drive to my mom's house for Christmas Dinner

And do you see this big ugly outlet above the fireplace, and the holes in the wall all around it? There was a TV mounted there for the previous owners of our house, and we finally took down the TV mount itself, but it has been looking unsightly and bothering me for 3 years now. So Sam found some shelves at IKEA and gave them to me for Christmas, and they fit in that spot perfectly! He didn't even have to drill new holes! So now…

…we can put gnomes there! (At least for now!) Hooray!

I gave Sam a pizza oven for Christmas and we are still figuring it out. We made some really good naan in it, and the pizza we tried was quite good…but not perfect yet. We will have to keep experimenting!

Goldie crocheted me this "Forest Gnome" (I would definitely like to collect all 4!)

Junie drew these great pictures of Sam and me!

There are more things not pictured…the darling coupons Daisy made for me and Sam, with all the things we most want from her (hugs! clean rooms! games together! carwashes!). The jeweled canvas Junie spent all her money on for Daisy, giving up the very thing she wanted to buy for herself! The tiny cars Clementine picked out for Gus and then immediately tried to take back and claim for herself. The limited-edition, can't-get-it-anywhere Yumi pin Malachi found and secretly bought for Daisy at the Dragonsteel Convention. The book of photos for Clementine that has pictures of all the things she loves (sharp sharp knives, gnomes, the temple, the Bishop…) and which she read 100 times that very first day. So many good things!

It was a great Christmas. It was especially fun to see the kids being so thoughtful for each other, carefully planning gifts, spending hours secretly working on projects. I love seeing them do kind things for each other!

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