Sam's Household Duties, Part IV

You might think Sam's the only one around here with any household duties. (See also here, here, and here.) And you'd be right. Also, he's acquiring more all the time. Soon the rest of us may be totally obsolete---except, of course, that some of his duties involve doing things with or for us, so I guess we're safe for now. And as you can see, we absolutely could not do without him! Happy Birthday, my dearest Sam!

• Looking after my well-being by warning me "Don't read that, it will make you mad."
• Discovering things like this and this
• Falling asleep instantly
• Being hopped around in circles by the bunny
• Protecting the bunny from the baby
• Imitating Commander Data being possessed by 5 different personalities
• Mashing baby food
• Deciding what dessert we feel like
• Making Santas that look like Brother Brigham

• Answering the door when no one else is dressed
• Straightening the sheets and blankets when they're Wrong
• Picking up and tossing small objects
• Making monster noises
• Buckling babies in
• Bundling babies up

• Replying to rhetorical questions such as "Are those people asleep?" And "Is it good, what they're doing up there?"
• Eating things that are out
• Losing the stylus to his Wacom tablet
• Referring to clearly imaginary websites such as "Fandango"
• Warming up cold pastries
• Telling Abe about sports cars
• Wearing Ears, if necessary

• Leaving ties tied
• Cursing the old computer (not swearing, but cursing, like "argh, curse this thing!")
• Exhibiting a touching faith that Rebooting the old computer might help
• Getting continually in and out of bed while I'm trying to hold still and write my journal entry for the night
• Re-explaining the pick-and-roll
• Getting out the ladder
• Being good at chess

• Telling me my bunny is cute
• Remembering (and speaking fondly of) the mailbox key that fell in the sidewalk crack, never to be seen again
• Looking good in sweaters
• Saying "Well, this shirt needed washing anyway!"
• Snoring
• Doing push-ups while festooned with girls
• Lamenting lack of student work ethic These Days
• Running out of Deodorant and then saying "we" need to buy some
• Enjoying the occasional sumptuous 20-second massage
• Remembering to cover up the bread or cookies before bed
• Stuffing little girls into tights without regard for the aesthetics
• Making grand pronouncements like "We need to stop those kids from leaving scissors out all the time."
• Knowing what song it is
• Being conversant in ungraspable concepts such as Battery Life and RAM
• Smiling at me while I lead the music